She played ignorant, my mother
I was not heard, by anyone
I felt like I wasn’t given a chance and I developed an assumption that nobody actually cared about what I felt, that I wasn’t important and that I deserve to be ignored because of this unimportance
And I accepted that and lived with that for a very long time
That girl is still within me
She’s still trying to find peace with it all
She’s still believing that she is that story and that she’s that same girl
But she’s not and she never was
You were never unimportant, I know the divine would never think that
Most of the time I feel they’re the only one routing for me, the only one that truly cares, the only one who see’s my importance
My family are my family sure, but they are just soul’s playing out their karma
I cant change them, I can’t help them to nirvana
I don’t feel they love me, at least not whole as in beyond their own mental battles
They need to want that for themselves, They need to feel the same craving I feel to really understand
Where is my role modal? The only one I have is Krishna
The rest seem..broken..
I often feel like an outcast, am I the only one seeking genuine peace of mind?
Trapped in a deep sleep, playing out their karma
As am I of course
I just can’t help but feel tormented by all this energy yanking at me 24/7
I feel that’s why I crave to be alone, but even then that little girl
She’s still screaming..
Trying to pull my attention
Does this ever end?
Is there a happy ending? Or is that just an expectation that can’t be fulfilled
To the one that has protected me
That feeling of relief
No more anxiety
Yet that feeling is so distant
Later came from a sister
Her descent crushed me,
It was like losing you
Unfortunately one that I hardly knew.
I'm sorry I was taken from you. I realise you knew how to protect me, intuitively and unfortunately I was met instead with a man not so much to his own. He intimidated me. Ive missed your real presence all my life. Never thought this went so deep. But finally i'm making my way out of the lies. The lies that taught me, men are to be feared. I love you Dad, through all the years and i'm sorry I was taken form you. To both of us. We'll get out this mud.
My hero and first love. Through karmic debt we've been pulled apart.
There exists no light in a cave
Not a single spec,
Dusty and fragile at a glance
but beneath several layers,
it blooms like a thousand suns
It’s beauty is not a compromise
You don’t have to beg for it’s light,
and in the future eye
That’s what you’ve to realise
Feed me meaning and resilience
The bitter sweet,
With thorns around my skull
Addicted to your thought.
Addicted to a corpse.
Addicted to the stories.
Feeling under valued
Like a statue, I feel it all
Today I surrender,
And set an intention.
Be wide open
Your pool of innocence, gets me
I wish I could say mine remains
I am broken
Hide away the remaining
For they are broken and meaningless
Suffering ends now.
I dont believe in flaws,
its all as it should be
You wake to a busy mind,
but shes just where she should be
divine and delicate
impulsive and inadequate
which phrase will you chose today?
because you know now,
that its your choice to make
I have trust in knowing i am safe in your hands. By you i refer to my highest self. The saviour of my soul, the healer of my wounds. She will give me direction, she will show me truth.