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›   j  ÿÿ   F    LOM!

****** over it all.
Don't even give a **** anymore.
**** everything.
*******.
**** it.
Bored, depressed, hopeless, toxic.
Empty, numb, cold, alone.
**** Astrology, **** Spirituality, **** Love, and **** him.
Everything I loved, is long gone.
I don't give a **** anymore.
I feel stupid, worthless, shameful, sad.
No motivation, no will, no energy, no self love.
Just loathe, feelings of helplessness, drained, exhausted.

if love is abandoning my writing because i don't know where all the pain went
perhaps this is love
if love is laying awake fighting the melatonin with methylfolate in your smile
perhaps this is love
if love is slamming doors and being unable to feel anything but you
perhaps this is love
if you could call redownloading the happy songs on my playlist and in my head "love"
perhaps you're right
i am too adolescental to know
all i know is that i have not felt passion like his touch since i can remember
he makes me numb and yet i feel everything at once
how dare he
he is the reason i lose sleep and my parents lose patience
how dare he
he is the reason i am allowing myself to feel things and not force poetry out like a dying fruit to the thirsty
but sometimes it flows on its own
how dare he
to bring my mind away from all ive ever known and all ive ever felt and refuse to call me his own
i have never wanted to be own
if love is the phrase "there's a first time for everything,"
perhaps this is love after all

You know those moments
that you do something that seems
Justifiable and fine
that is
in the moment
but then
you realize
That was
Really
Really
          Really
                                    Stupid

Age 15 the beginning and the end
Age 19 and the scars still haven't mend

I was a fool with nothing to lose
Letting lust become my muse

It happened fast without protection
In his eyes lay no affection.

A month passes with no monthly time
The panic inside me starts to climb.

Lie to my mother to get a test
Sure enough there's a baby in the nest.

Inside my stomach lay a beating heart
Anxiety and depression begin to start.

Scared beyond belief and still at school
Feeling like I had just been a tool.

Could I handle being a single mother
Abortion? I had to pick one or the other.

Or maybe I didn't have to after all.
Spotting begins to start and I start to bawl.

To many emotions in too young a girl.
My body killed a life, guilt begins to swirl.

Age 15 the beginning and the end
Age 15 and made a life ascend.

Age 19 and the scars still haven't mend
Age 19 and still no way to amend.