far too beautiful to be so **** kind
but we have yet to find his fatal flaws
far too intelligent to be so blind
but one cannot convict without a cause

painfully known to the gods of his art
slate cleaner than days untouched by mans greed
the love deep inside his mosaic heart
how chaste, the way he simply lets it lead

the one i need, held together by strings
of misfortune, tied only to the breeze
winds that feel as ice pressed to your neck in spring
a lover who builds and breaks with such ease

everything i want, only steps away
i did love you, just never that way

no one who feels so closely like heaven
has ever gone without a taste of hell.
dancing through the flames with no aggression
with a grin like yours, i see why they fell.

incomplete by anyones terms but yours
i feel the safest staring through your glass
a simple meter shaken to the core!

love is driving so fast, stopping feels going backwards
down the interstate up the other side of a town our parents warned us about
love is counting days and losing track of nights because this is all i know
love is cutting up your favorite t shirt because sometimes the extra weight on your shoulders is just too much
love is the song on the album you never gave a chance because it just rubbed you the wrong way
love is saying that this time will be better
love is watching a receipt get stepped on and over but not putting it out of its misery because it is not your job
love is why
not how or when or who
love is why

1.  i'm allergic to cats, and that doesn't mean anything to most people but i hope you understand why i included it.
2. i open fortune cookies with you in mind.
3. you are my worst kept secret. my therapist knows everything about you.
4. every inch of me, all that i am, secretes and exudes "accident." but you. you were so intentional to me.
5. you are a sunrise if i've ever seen one
6. i want to make you jealous. i want you to see my heart and wish it yours.
7. you make up every song i love, every poem i write, every picture i take and every reason i sleep at night.
8. i love the pauses you take between your words. i love that you know the weight of the poison that is human interaction.
9. i'm so sorry you ever had to learn the weight of the poison that is human interaction.
10. the mere idea of letting you see into my soul is petrifying and if you ever read this poem, please understand the strength and stupid it took me to let you.
11. i wish so badly to just lay shoulder by shoulder with you and wonder why the universe let me know you.
12. i hope you never understand the feeling of missing someone who just doesn't miss you.
13. i miss you.
14. it has been thirty days and i am doing better all the time.
15. but i still miss you.
16. but i have me, and for that, i am glad.

i am alone
for the millionth night
i do not know whose touch i crave
all i know is that i do not want what the cards being dealt
so i am alone once again
i ache for a place ive never been
a feeling ive yet to know
so i am alone
i do not know what it is im saving myself for
i dont know why the wars ive fought i wear on my chest like battle armor
"to win me," the voices say, "you must acknowledge every battle i have lost"
i am offered everything i ever wanted
and i turn it down
in exchange for everything i never thought i needed

june 10

do not tell me i imagined the look in your eyes when i fell through
i could determine your hurt the moment i laid eyes on another
please do not tell me i am believing this deceiving love i cannot describe
believe me when i say
i only wish to read poems about the brush of our knees
only songs about the seconds that feel like hours when you look at me and laugh
like nothing else has mattered for centuries
i would love to see the painting to describe your horrible side comments
and your refusal to explain
a statue inspired by your love and my hope that it is me
god i hope its me
i hope it's me that creates your fullest grins and your deepest passions
i hope i can ground you and send you flying all at once
i hope that something in you sees something in me worthy of seeing
but if it does not
i hope she gives you sunrises breaking and autumn burning
i hope she tells you everything i ever thought
i hope she gets to kiss you outside of her fantasies and hold you outside of her wildest daydreams
she would be lucky
and i would not blame her for loving you

i all but beg any sort of humanity i've ever obtained to leave me in the sight of your vicious pupils
you make for a numbing of all senses but hurting
so much hurting
if i could roll my dice and luck be my lady
i would cast her aside to call you mine
how i wish to abrogate all knowledge of you from my psyche and be conquered by the storms you brought about
there is no explanation for the idiocy of letting myself believe i could be loved by you
but i suppose i owed it to myself to try.