Stop blaming yourself
for faults of other people
Stop trying to save everybody
when you are drowning too

sure, it's a good feeling to be the savior
but slowly you're becoming the one that needs to save
Your emotions gather into a huge wave
and it will be late when you realize
you are the only one that stayed on the beach

Stop blaming yourself,
and make others taste their own medicine

Let yourself do the mistakes
you always excused others for
And no its not childish
to allow yourself not to be perfect

After all, we all are just
kids in a grown-up bodies

I worry a lot,
And I know I need to stop,
But I can't just leave anxiety,
It's a human instinct inside of me.

I worry for your safety,
I worry for mine,
It's a cold world out there,
Without enough fire to keep us all warm.

So if you're struggling,
Please confide in me,
I worry so much for you,
For your happiness.

When did we stop wanting to become a firefighter
When did we stop wanting to become a police man
When did we stop wanting to be someone great

When did we stop dreaming
When did we stop fighting
When did we start settling with the easy option
When did we stop ...
When did we stop ...
When did we stop living

my writing is a blunt hammer,
a white void pounding
at the keys,
breaking off little plastic
bits of life.

this room’s full of them now,
the debris of dead thoughts,
ancient relics:
dinosaur guts,
fern dust,
fossilized failures.

the sun’s clawing its way
up again,
after all this time.
what a *******.

can you wait
for morning to sink
its teeth into you?

can we
stand five feet apart
and still meet
each other’s eyes
without flinching?

can I write something
that outlives me?
sure,
that’s the easy part.

but writing something
that lives
without me?
now that’s the trick,
isn’t it?

silk canisters and
ribbons marching like fools,
a casket dressed
in bright roses—
pretty little things
for the spigot,
the *****,
the inevitable hole.

wait another year.
or ten.
or twenty.
hell,
spend your whole life
waiting.

go ahead.
see where that gets you.

it doesn’t come.
it never does.
not like that.
never.

stop waiting
for:
someone,
something,
some sign,
some break,
some moment
to crack open
like an egg.

stop praying for it.
stop hoping.
stop wishing.
stop.

the work,
that’s all there is.

live for it.
breathe for it.
burn for it.
die for it.

if you have to believe
in something,
believe in that.

I don’t know
what that thing is for you,
but you do.
and if you don’t,
then maybe it’s time
to stop,

and ask—
what the hell’s stopping you?

Why do I feel this way? Am I crazy? Maybe I’m manipulative, just like she says. Maybe I’m so far gone that I can’t even recognize it anymore. I’d like to believe I’m not, but doesn’t everyone think that about themselves? What if I hate them so much because, deep down, I’m just like them? You point out things I do, and in my mind, I rationalize them, they make sense to me, but isn’t that exactly what a crazy person would do? I don’t want to feel this way. My thoughts are racing, tumbling over each other like a runaway train, unstoppable. What’s happening to me? Why can’t I make it stop? I shouldn’t unload this on anyone else. She doesn’t deserve it, not her, never her. She doesn’t, she doesn’t, she doesn’t. I swear I try to listen, I do listen, wait, what did she say again? Why am I dredging up things from the past? I tell myself it’s to prove my point, but is it? Or am I just pinning her down under the weight of it all? I wanted to make us better, to help us grow. But what if I’m not doing that? What if I’m the one dragging us both down? A faint noise catches my ear. It’s nothing, just the wind, but my mind spins, what if it’s not? What if he’s back? What if he’s here to finish what he started? It’s not fair. I tried. Didn’t I try? Maybe I should’ve tried harder, been better, when she needed me most. Now, I’m shaking, suffocating under the crushing weight of my own thoughts. Am I crazy? I feel crazy. I can’t stop this spiral. I can’t distract myself. I can’t even remember the last time my mind was still, when I could truly let go. I count the seconds, one by one, waiting for the inevitable. Why?

Why, Oh Little Ones, do you stop and stare
What you are seeking is no longer there
You walked beside him for three years
The very Word of Life was in your ears
He died and rose and appeared once more
To prepare you for what is yet in store
He laid His holy hands upon you
To confer a spirit of authority and truth
With his power you have been sent out
Trust in His plan and do not be in doubt
Do not stand there frozen and dumb
Time is short and there is much work to be done
Go you now out into the mission field
And gather for the master a bountiful yield