it's been too long,
since I've seen you
and I wonder
do you still find my hair?
on  your sheets, pillow, sweaters, and cushions
or have they all been picked up
and let drift into the waste bin
when did you stop finding them
when did I need to come replace them
when did it start being too long
since I'd seen you

Casting for the direction,
driving forward and
worrying about additional penalties
that you’ll make them pay.

You’re holding me ransom
From within your own cell
Holding my life ransom
because you’re not able.
Please please please
give me something to work on.
Are you out or are you in.
Still trapped by this instability,
even when I’m away from you.
Do I plan without, around you
Or
Do I plan for you to be within
The fabric of this new world.

Stone cold... these are the affection of my bed, nestled beside the fireplace, upon stone cold I lay my head; your warmth it no longer knows.

The longevity of nights have passed; now cruel and aching memories are your laughs; now, before my hearts retrieves its mask, a final kiss to you, my past.

I wonder if you know
What we have now become?
You are that heart-shaped kite
Dancing above in air
While I grasp tight the thread
Not wanting to let go.

it turns out
we were hasty;
though we gathered wood
it was not nearly enough

those fires we had
burned bright
and true
but
maintaining such heat
proved harder
than imagined

offerings
at the start
were too much
too generous
burnt through
too quickly
radiating heat
enveloping us
in a false sense
of comfort

settling into this warmth
this temporary state
of contentment
the need for stoking
                for fresh wood
goes forgotten
as flames die
as embers dull

all it needs
is for someone
to reach out
into the cold
and awaken the fire
but it seems
no one
is willing

The thought of being separated from you
Pierces my heart like a dagger.
Like the madman bedouin, I'd kiss your walls, my beloved
And like him I'll shatter.

For you my heart beats.
For you my eyes search.
Lonely wanderer am I,
Without you on this earth

Husband going back
To hospital
Suicidal
Mental health
Oh my god
Not again
Panicking

I broke free
But feel so guilty
Is it my fault?
They say not.
Couldn’t survive with him
Can he survive without me.