Dark flashes and
Bright shadows make me wonder

where am I

More importantly endless
Pitter patter
Contemplating through the snow.

Wind gusts smooth silk
Over stationary

Ink stains through my reality.

I do not know where I am.
Who I am.
Or where I must be going.

Teeter totter towers
tumble

The floors gone out below
So I walk on the ceiling

And rise to my downfall

he’s not “the boy she used to love” anymore
he’s just a boy
a boy with issues
a boy who left a girl,
who would have never let him go.

she’s not “the girl he used to love” anymore
she’s now a woman
a woman with issues, yes.
but a woman who lost a boy,
and gained herself.

now, i ask, which one is better off?

October 20, 2018


I've spent this year

Learning how to deal.

This isn't melodrama

Just the truth

Condensed into just a few words

To express a vastness

Guaranteed to fill a few pages.


Like all years, it's been bittersweet.

I've fallen down

Tripped up

Left a bruise

Quite a few times.

But, of course

You have to fall --

Maybe even bleed a little --

In order to teach yourself

The triumph

Of bringing yourself

Back to your feet.


I've stood in front of a lot of mirrors

Most of them metaphysical

Truly getting to know the girl

On the other side.

The more we talk

The more I like her.

She's a hot mess sometimes, sure

But she's kind of a cool person to have coffee with.

She doesn't look like she used to, not at all

Especially when she's obviously trying to do better.

She still chews her tongue a bit

When she admits that she's wrong

And she's so very shy

When I ask her what to do

And she responds:

"I don't know."

I should tell her that I love her

A lot more often this year.


I've found that the heart is a wonderfully strange instrument

And that the soul is not an *****

But is something very, very real.

I've found that the former

Is as good at persevering

As it is at making messes

And that the latter

Is something all-too-useful

In the modern world.


I've found that most friends are fairweather

And, often, so am I.

I still hold out hope

That, maybe one day

I'll discover loyalty

That can be truly permanent.


Lastly, I've found that poetry

Is a beautiful vessel

Worth so much more

Than worrying about boys

Through a series of rhymes.

It's quickfire, artful catharsis

Freeing a caged dove

With words that make me feel

As if I can make my writing soar.

It's filled to the brim with love

And laughter

And tears

And imagination

And anger

And fear

And reflection

Just like these passing years.


And with every one I finish

I long for many more.

Flames, flames, fire!

Hearts loaded with embers,
Begone flame, you hold no sway!

Pooled in blood,
The melting moon
Shines far above

Warming your frigid eyes
With shards of night and
Blaring beams of white

Crushing the natural mind
With ballads of war and pain,
Spitting moments of gore through
Abyssal pupils.


  Prepare this intestine of youth,
       Detach its origin and cast it unto

            A forest with one tree.

Then char the strand of mind in which
Fear reigns, scar it with the memory
       Of life

Let it kneel
to your flight
And Bring it fore your eyes,
Caging the slithering chimera with
     Immense cliffs of ice

Let it look to your matter
Yet never engage your voice,
Fluxing into your cells with terrific
      Color,
Breaking off the origin and planting
It’s lessons in between the soul and
      Skin,
Offering access to any lost traveler
Drowning in a raging sea.

Embers in your heart,
       Fire consuming without,
       Fire empowers within

How I used to see myself

These eyes that shine through the glass
These eyes that water from the smell of grass
Yeah I’m allergic, to the constant cut lawn
But that’s only one of my flaws that has yet to be drawn
As a line, I can only see so far
Yet I can see farther without the lens, how bizarre
I used to think like I was apart of the trend
What society, media, and the news transcend
I would try to pretend that I wasn’t what was depicted
The type of discrimination made most from fiction
I am just a simple person, just like the rest
Well, not entirely simple, but nonetheless
I need glasses so that I don’t have to squint
It makes my life easier yet nerds represent
Those with four eyes, under the guise of friendship he was betrayed
Cause you’re smart others seek that for comfort
I am another person, I left out simple I am unique, not simple, yet I grew up with pimples
So not only do you wear glasses but covered in acne I was actually bullied in middle school because of this
I was called “acne,” to my face by a girl all day, every day, yes I began to hate my face
I hated the feeling it gave me when I looked at the mirror
No way in hell was proactive making it clearer
I hit puberty harder than I knew with a deep voice, squinty eyes that made me look high, and a cratered face, fat build so I floated like the moon
I really hated my figure until I grew
I grew into the body that my thoughts would never know
I acknowledged myself though And that will remain a fact, I learned I needed to love myself first before I could love another
Why? Because to me these eyes that I used to see
Would one day have someone staring back and if I didn’t love myself, how could I expect the other to love me
I see with these eyes today, looking at myself and see things way incredibly differently

I don’t care how others perceive me, From rumors they’ve heard or from the hate that others serve I can care less.

All I know is what’s in front of me now
These eyes that see more than a few steps in front of me I believe that one day I’ll have more, than a dresser drawer as my art space
Something brighter than my own face
Right now I can’t help but smile I smile cause I feel like I’ve walked a long mile
And honestly, I’ll take each day at a time I see with these glasses sometimes a broken frame
And at that point, I normally tape them up
And smile again

Holding on,
With the smallest glimmer of hope,
Finding ways to fight, deal or cope,
At 1st it seemed impossible
But slowly the realisation current issues were topical,
Lost friendships, breakdowns , communication errors and lack of self love,
One, two at a time or all of the above.
Dulling out the problems and hiding away,
Some amount of release when decided this way you did not want to stay.

Self belief,
fresh start,  the one of new beginnings,
Learning to handle things before your mind starts spinning,
A release, you do not need others glorification to be worthy,
Worthy of love, respect, happiness, self security
A little motivation goes far, a focus just to start.

Look inside,
Reflection, a little self assessment,
The strength you had before
Somewhere inside you this is stored,
Make them changed necessary for you,
Stop allowing the colour which describes you to be the darkest blue.

I couldn't live
I'm so passive, the moment my true thoughts escape
I mourned them
For knowing that they didn't matter
anyways, won't be heard

Its a familiar structure
The lines so oft spoken, I finally realized why they're afraid
Suicide really has a pattern
It is human to feel, it is human to be out of control
We are our versions of Vulcan
There is a time for logic to rule and suppress our emotions
For the good of the many

Then I see us slowly dwindling
the identity of Us solely embedded in I
I know I'm not saying anything new
What makes me different?

Knowing that this is just a moment in time