I try so hard
to do it all,
I try to measure up
to your standards.
I've done the best
that I know how,
but I guess my best
just isn't enough
for you.

I've compromised...
...I didn't do it right.
I've sacrificed...
...I didn't do enough.
I've given everything
that I have to give,
but I guess my all
just isn't enough
for you.

I'm losing my will.
I've lost all pride.
I've forgotten how
lovely it feels
being happy...
But you don't care.
Why would you?
I don't mean enough
to you.

Maybe if I try harder,
and break a little more...
Maybe one day
I will be enough
for you.

You know that feeling
born deep in your heart?
That insatiable yearning
every time you're apart?
Those butterfly wings
that tickle your belly...
Or the climatic ecstasy
that turns bodies to jelly?
Have you ever felt
someone touch your soul...
Felt completely complete...
one half of a whole?
Have you seen no future
without them by your side?
Have you felt their breath
was your own, inside?
Have your lips tingled
with every sweet kiss?
Would the smell of their skin
stir emotions like this?
Have you felt you two fit
like a hand in glove?
Do you know what it's like 
to be MORE then in love? 
I did, but it's gone,
faded memories of past....
of my first true love,
and my last.

It's Saturday night, 4 o'clock in the morning. And I'm believing I just had the best night of my life.

I never drink for the taste, but for the small percentage of freedom of my everyday life.

Disregarding what I do to my children and my wife. I drink to black out and I drink to forget life.

Unlike my father I never drink to black out. But I also do not drink for the taste, everyone needs a escape.

I will stand there with a girl I don't know, and I drink slow to drown and torture my sorrow. Hoping one day my soul will be hollow and I turn out nothing like you.

Falling asleep as i drown in sorrow.
Secretly wide awake trying to breathe a steady breath.
Confusion ensues as i start to dream.
As i am watching a play.
One with no plot, or real story.
Just random carousels spinning around and around.
Bouncing up and down as one follows another
It finally ends and suddenly its tomorrow.
Everyone scatters and i sit alone.
While this play starts over and over.
Time goes by.
An hour. A day. A month. a year.
Here we go again. Theatre fills up and im not the only one again.
They cheer as it ends and leave again.
I however just sit and stare.

Finally open my eyes 8 hrs later.
Even tho it felt like years.
I join the world as they did to me in my dream.
Working, eating,living.
I however
just sit and stare.

It took me awhile to realize it isn't normal.
It isn't normal to be okay with getting hit by a car while crossing the street.
It isn't normal to be okay with not eating for days just because you didn't have time.
It isn't normal to wake up upset because you glanced at your body in the mirror.
It isn't normal for your dad to beat your mom because she didn't make the eggs right.
It isn't normal to bottle up your feelings because the bottle will become full.
It isn't normal take a blade to your wrists willingly so you feel a different pain.
It isn't normal to only get five hours of sleep at night because you can't shut your thoughts out.
It isn't normal to throw up your food in that public bathroom because you think your fat.
It isn't normal to sleep all day unless you're sick and throwing up from a flu.
It isn't normal to drink every night just so you can be sane for awhile in the meantime.
It isn't normal to let boys you don't like touch you so you can feel accepted.
It isn't normal to let that girl you're dating hit you because you said no.
It isn't normal to hate someone prettier than you because she didn't do anything wrong.
It isn't normal to want to die every time your heart breaks.
But it is normal.
It's normal to those people who live it everyday of their lives.
It's normal to those people who wish they could catch a break long enough to catch their breath.
It's normal to those people who regret everything in life to live for a moment where they might get to be proud.
Because our scars aren't only physical, their mental.
It isn't normal for everyone to understand.
But for those that do.
I hear you.

I want to cry,
I want to scream,
I want to take out.
All the pain
I have in me,
I want the past
To be forgotten,
I want to be free!
Free from my own cage,
Free from my own self,
Free from all the pain,
I've withheld in me.

I always end up alone,
With no friend nor a lover,
I am just an option,
In many life's.
I am nothing,
But a temporary friend or lover.
I am the one that no one loves,
But I love many.
I am an option.
I am a choice.
Forgotten by all
And loved by none.

These four walls,
In darkness they lay,
Saddness & Sorrow
Is all they portray.

In these four walls,
Smeared a dull blue,
Closed up I was,
And tortured by you.

I have a rusty brain.
And a rusty body.
Formed from disuse.
I laid my head to rest.
Never to pick it up again.
Oxidized and flaking.
My hands no longer shaking.
I am rust.
I am rest.

In this season of death,
We walk the hollowed halls,
Deep within our own minds,
Stroll through the graveyards,
Of broken promises and lost dreams,
The thinning Vail reminds
Us of the loved ones lost,
And the sunnier days we had with them,
The days grow shorter and colder,
But death is such a beautiful entity,
In that with death comes new life,
Each peril comes a decision,
A chance to create beauty from the ashes,
Every choice made, Through and to conclusions,
Is a chance to rise from the previous cinders,
Even through the end of our knowledge,
Where life is unknown,
And we face uncertainty, We have the ability,
To face a new type of life.