Car rides passed by blank stares at broken down cars and empty fields
I keep looking for your name on my phone
I keep looking to the seat beside me expecting a different result from each blink
I keep wishing you were here
But if I had a field of dandelions for each wish that I wished about you, there'd be miles of empty promises and deflated sighs because I promise wishing doesn't work
I know because I've tried

Have you ever done something that was a bad idea?
You and your friends all made a plan and the whole week before you knew it was a bad idea.
It's almost like God pushed his hand up against your forehead and said "No.", but you still did it.
While it was happening it was but but it started to go downhill going faster and faster until "BOOM!", explosion.
No, not a real explosion, a metaphoric one that definitely felt real.
In the end, after the crash, I actually started to go up uphill till I realized this hill is even bigger and I never want to the top because I'm scared what's on the bottom of the other side.
I'm traveling up this hill now, and the worst part is I'm alone on this roller coaster ride.

Frozen fingers and frozen toes,
Frozen eyes with somewhere to be.
Foggy windows gently kissed by gently falling rain,
Creating a presence in a fallen city,
A long-forgotten grandeur.

Packed into cars, hovering above and looking down,
Measuring yards and counting row-houses
As though the view above gave us control,
Could possibly help us understand.

Soon it became routine.
The hum-buzz grinding of the metal hitting the tracks,
The same disapproving faces of a race in constant motion.
Just a matter of putting on my face and getting it done.

It was a sight of something different,
Opposite of everything I had ever known.
The truth I witnessed every day
Left me amazed and slightly dizzy.

So with frozen fingers and frozen toes,
These frozen eyes venture forth.
Coming down from my high bearings,
Perhaps the city creates a presence within me.

Today I had a bout of acute-you shyness
one where I try to pretend I don't notice
but have you noticed how difficult it is
when outside idles but inside there's a race

to views like you leaning side to side
on the motorcycle ride slot machine
driving my eyes to sly around your slides
taking them wide as when I was eighteen
I'd look for curves at Southend pier's end
give out stares and start to take in scenes
of free amusement at the Fun Bump arcade

around and around the circuit you rode
I was lapping up your every move
sneaking a view through the coin drop
peeping behind the pinball of Dr Who
prying open the photo booth curtain gap
faux testing the mallet with your strength
playing air hockey with my thoughts
were your short chic bangs a wig?

they sit so still I long for the straights
then swing to one side with a leg
tight vibrant jeans in hairpin bends
ironing out where the centre line is damp
polishing the dashing leather saddle
vibrating with wrist twist contempt
loveliness revving up to red line

exploding in my face with daring
this bike crash heart of mine
please forgive not stopping staring
a race course habit never outgrown

I go too fast and of course I fall
in love as bad as deeply madly
but the fact that it's with you.. well
I have to forgive myself this malady

I'm a side-road heading for a spin
on ways to tell you you're beautiful
dangerously close I risk self harm
imagining that colour of pink and pale
the flush u-turn will be a charm

If I can get you climbing off
hot and flustered
I’ll have done my pit stop job
at once a chance encounter
and a fateful winning score
to let you know you've entered
into being my prize draw

I'll walk away but don't be sore
it's up to you to take it further
but just know one thing more
that if you call me to confirm
and tell me that I’m worth it
I would turn around so fast
the world would gearshift
and wait
but not in neutral
for us