I would say,
“Where are you now,
While I am at my lowest?”
But I know you
could say the same.
So, here’s the
Difference.

You chose to go it alone.
I called for your support but
You were confused
And couldn’t tell the
Difference.

I used to be the one you
Could rely upon. But now
You choose no one,
And I see a
Difference.

You had shakes from withdrawal.
But mine are from fear and
Isolation.
Can you see the
Difference?

I wish I could have changed things then.
But you shut me out, cut contact,
Pushed me away.
So, what’s the
Difference?

You knew that I’d been struggling.
Everyone’s known, it’s not a secret.
But I work through my pain while you
Decide to eat it.
See the difference?

Sew my ******* eyes open
and never let me sleep.
Watch until my blues run red
               and you've
          shown me what's
                     to see.

Tell the story of your golden crown,
you platinum-plated ****.
Let me know how brazen trumpets sound
               when filling up
                     with spit.

It's not enough to hate you.
And it's not enough to cry.
Crying havoc through your perfect teeth:
      it's much worse than a lie.

                          So lay me down on
                        5th street train tracks
                     where the old bums go to
                                       die.
                  Then roll out on your cart of
                                golden coin
                         and break some toys.

Play the game of pampered princes
      painted like paupers and ******.
Zip that costume up and hit the alleys.
                Catch a fix.
     Or a "swift one off the wrist."

Tug my bruising eyeballs out
and lay me down to bed.
Awake until the red turns black
               and your
           mouth starts spit-
               -ting lead.

Tell the story of your paper crown,
you hollow-hearted ****.
Let you know how hunting hounds do howl
      when crawling in
             the muck.

                       "You ain't nothin' but an *******,"
                     and "I don't believe in nothin' you're
                                  trying to prove." (The Falcon)

Each step in my run
I veer closer to the sun
It burns it burns
But I still walk
But why?
Because I'm too scared to talk
Too afraid I'll be a laughing stock
And so I walk and I burn away
Bits and pieces fly
I wish so dearly but I can't cry
Feels as if I went astray
But was there ever a right way?
I only feel because I should
But in truth I never could
A peril born of my own toil
My being it serves to foil

“Where were you?” I want to scream,
Through clenched teeth, against a distant dream.
You laugh, you live, you carry no chains,
Unseen, you are free from these bruising pains.

She whispered to me, only me, at her end,
Left me with words I can’t defend.
You weren’t there to feel her fading breath,
To witness the slow, soft steps toward death.

I carry the weight, the sorrow, the blame,
While you dance through life, without the shame.
Her voice lingers, soft as a wraith,
Leaving me torn between love and hate.

She asked for silence, a shroud unseen,
To bear her loss alone, as if in a dream.
I hold this burden close to my chest,
While you, untouched, move on at your best.

Do you feel her absence, hear her sigh?
Does her memory haunt you or pass you by?
A part of me resents the ease you feel,
While I stumble alone through a world so unreal.

I am her keeper, her secret grave,
Bound to the love that made me brave.
Yet, bitterness grows where peace should be,
An ache that burns yet sets me free.

I can’t take care of myself
Need you to be someone else
It would all be so much better
if I hadn’t learned from you

Take care of yourself
You don’t need anyone
like you used to
But now, you’re being used

I know you’re having fun
Always felt so much better
when I was drunk
If only one of us could ******* feel something

I didn’t turn out how you want
Could never be your little duck
Forced to role play as the adult for you
but could never grow up

I can’t take care of myself
Almost call you every day
I would be so much better off
if I hadn’t learned from you

I don’t see you as my brother.
You cry for her,
you cry for her to be able to move in,
you cry for what she’s going through,
and how bad her mom and stepdad are.
You say she sees my parents more of a parent than her own,
you say she sees how good they treat me..
That’s funny.
She thinks they were always good huh?
She thinks they’re perfect to me?
Hell.
Even you think so, don’t you?
Must be nice to forget.
I bet you don’t remember those summers,
those summers where it was just me and mom,
where we fought everyday,
and I’d end up hurt.
I bet you don’t remember the night before my 14th birthday,
where mom beat me for not waking up from my nap to clean my room.
Where dad came out too and beat me too,
I had bruises and welts all over me.
I couldn’t wear my birthday dress because of them.
I had them for a month after.
Why didn’t you cry for me like you cry for her?
I know you knew.
Why didn’t you do anything?
That's when you stopped being my brother.
That’s when I stopped expecting from you,
that's when I stopped needing you.
That's when I became an only child.

I said convince me you love me, and you say keep this only in the mind
But you forgot that I wanted something concrete, written, and left for all to find

I said convince me you love me, and you say here is a page I filled out
But I thought you would prove more devout

I said convince me you love me, and you say here are the words you requested it’s finished
But you let typos into your letter and fill it

I said convince me you love me, and you say clichés are to be condemned
But cliches are only cliches if you care to say them

I said convince me you love me, and you say words restated depreciate
But words never said leave me with nothing to appreciate

I said convince me you love me, and you say here is an idiom I don’t think you’ll get
But you weren’t supposed to make me upset

I said convince me you love me, and you say thanks
But you should have said I love you, you shouldn't have left any blanks

I said convince me you love me, and you tell me your words have been chosen carefully, casually, and with the intention of being a fleeting moment of the present
But I did not feel that

I said convince me you love me,
But I am unconvinced

A month ago I told myself
not to mold my love
into words you cannot hear anymore
I haven't wrote a new piece
in 33.2 days.
About anything.
I think of myself as a very poor artist
with little much to lose.
do you know what it's like
to be part of a whole?
To have the other part of you
tear and rip away from you
each and every day.
it is not like you fade into thin air.
it's like something was made for me
but then taken away.
do you know I stopped believing
in what one called love for 730.5 days
before my eyes seen yours
How dare you teach me what it means
to love.
Then leave me with it.
This is the worse thing you have ever done.
You have left me with love
other than for myself
and I have no way of expressing it
because it is for you and you aren't here.
***** you, love.