In the blanketing abyss of night's prelude
no lamp subdues the dark within
but rather set a hazy stage:
lucidity's awakened hour

Dimly and diffuse you blur
through my drifting lines of sentience
reaping your cruel harvest, slyly
scattering my germinal love

How grim this fate that you have cast
upon my hopes so premature:
aborted at 3 weeks
more loss than I can take
enough for me to bury
enough for my resentment
burning unrealised:

fire of my nascent eyes
piercing through the false eclipse
scorching your covert disguise
the veil I long to rip apart
and disintegrate with verity,
to spit upon with love's acid froth
crude as every image of you
...
crude as dispossessed illusions

For I know you no longer,
and grasp for silent solace:
I can still turn the lights off by myself
by myself

Dear lover, you left me behind
When I needed you the most
But that doesn’t matter
I started slipping, and you left me
I don’t care now, but that’s a lie
I would leave me too, but *******
Dear lover, you lied.

I would say,
“Where are you now,
While I am at my lowest?”
But I know you
could say the same.
So, here’s the
Difference.

You chose to go it alone.
I called for your support but
You were confused
And couldn’t tell the
Difference.

I used to be the one you
Could rely upon. But now
You choose no one,
And I see a
Difference.

You had shakes from withdrawal.
But mine are from fear and
Isolation.
Can you see the
Difference?

I wish I could have changed things then.
But you shut me out, cut contact,
Pushed me away.
So, what’s the
Difference?

You knew that I’d been struggling.
Everyone’s known, it’s not a secret.
But I work through my pain while you
Decide to eat it.
See the difference?

Sew my ******* eyes open
and never let me sleep.
Watch until my blues run red
               and you've
          shown me what's
                     to see.

Tell the story of your golden crown,
you platinum-plated ****.
Let me know how brazen trumpets sound
               when filling up
                     with spit.

It's not enough to hate you.
And it's not enough to cry.
Crying havoc through your perfect teeth:
      it's much worse than a lie.

                          So lay me down on
                        5th street train tracks
                     where the old bums go to
                                       die.
                  Then roll out on your cart of
                                golden coin
                         and break some toys.

Play the game of pampered princes
      painted like paupers and ******.
Zip that costume up and hit the alleys.
                Catch a fix.
     Or a "swift one off the wrist."

Tug my bruising eyeballs out
and lay me down to bed.
Awake until the red turns black
               and your
           mouth starts spit-
               -ting lead.

Tell the story of your paper crown,
you hollow-hearted ****.
Let you know how hunting hounds do howl
      when crawling in
             the muck.

                       "You ain't nothin' but an *******,"
                     and "I don't believe in nothin' you're
                                  trying to prove." (The Falcon)

Each step in my run
I veer closer to the sun
It burns it burns
But I still walk
But why?
Because I'm too scared to talk
Too afraid I'll be a laughing stock
And so I walk and I burn away
Bits and pieces fly
I wish so dearly but I can't cry
Feels as if I went astray
But was there ever a right way?
I only feel because I should
But in truth I never could
A peril born of my own toil
My being it serves to foil

“Where were you?” I want to scream,
Through clenched teeth, against a distant dream.
You laugh, you live, you carry no chains,
Unseen, you are free from these bruising pains.

She whispered to me, only me, at her end,
Left me with words I can’t defend.
You weren’t there to feel her fading breath,
To witness the slow, soft steps toward death.

I carry the weight, the sorrow, the blame,
While you dance through life, without the shame.
Her voice lingers, soft as a wraith,
Leaving me torn between love and hate.

She asked for silence, a shroud unseen,
To bear her loss alone, as if in a dream.
I hold this burden close to my chest,
While you, untouched, move on at your best.

Do you feel her absence, hear her sigh?
Does her memory haunt you or pass you by?
A part of me resents the ease you feel,
While I stumble alone through a world so unreal.

I am her keeper, her secret grave,
Bound to the love that made me brave.
Yet, bitterness grows where peace should be,
An ache that burns yet sets me free.