O grandmother,
though we are Pakeha you had great mana.
You lived close to that taciturn volcano, One Tree Hill,
and its scoria scars were like the lines on your face,
etched out by the evolution of that city.
And, grandmother, you remembered the beginning of the cycle
with the lucid vision you could not afford on the recent past.
I always wanted to tell you that I loved you, grandmother,
with a sincerity you would feel long after you passed
through the gates of heaven.
To tell you that when I was a child,
I believed you would be here always,
but then I listened closely to the silence between your words
and I knew you were weary of this world.
You were the last bridge
connecting us with a pioneer century
and I feared we would lose ourselves if ever we lost you,
but we never did
for in our children and in our children’s children
we will see the face of Ruby, the dark-haired girl.

How dare you intrude
Into my true oblivion
And leave yet again
Only the bare traces
Of your memories.

I dream of you, even
As I did so long ago,
And it carries me
Through a day and more,
And more, I remember.

I like you better with your glasses on and I
like you better, better when you didn't try
so hard to be noticed and to fit in with the crowd

I like you better when you act so shy and I
like you better when you didn't know how to lie
when you didn't know how to scar with words like you do now

I like you better yesterday and the day before
when you were still you, I liked you more

I will always find thrill
In remembering when your
Lips are on mine and
Our bodies intertwined

I will always find warmth
In remembering your
Touch that gives me
So much comfort and
Your arms which are my home

I will always find shivers
In remembering you
Holding my hand and how
Your thumb draws endless
Circles on my skin

And I will always find longing
In remembering those moments
With you

All I want is for you to tell me,
just tell me it's ok.
Tell me you forgive me,
so the pain can go away.

My flaws laid bare, my weakness there,
to cast upon your shore.
These trying times of bitterness,
of agony and more.

I throw myself repeatedly,
upon your darkened door.
Until my ****** bodies drained,
I collapse upon the floor.

I, no longer strong, where do I belong?
I don't know anymore.
I **** the love that's killing me
You don't care, you don't see.

In my misery I wallow.
No warmth behold, my blood runs cold.
To find you I cant follow.

Scared, I'm scared, I'm terrified,
to find rejection in your eyes.

No one caught me when I fell!

My mind torments me relentlessly,
my vision of you blurry.
Pick me up to find my feet,
hold me till I'm steady.

Love rebuilds the bridges burned,
by fear and pain and anger
Stay by my side my strength regained
Love is the master power
An empty soul I hide,
I simply cry, and cower.


This side of me, no one shall see.
So with my heart, that you still have,
please keep my memory.

© Crystal Erickson  5/9/08

tradition is more than yesterday’s stories
old photographs and dusty keepsakes
it is the remembering of tomorrow

it is the nervous acting out
of ceremony with candles and words
of an ancient story of wonder and light

it is the gladsome preparation
of the festive foods for the jolbord
and the pride of happy hosts

it is the gentle noise of children playing
the rumbling conversation of friends remembering
the tear in a grandparent’s eye

it is the leap in our hearts at midwinter’s turn
it is the song that ever celebrates life’s wonder

I looked up into your eyes,
And I saw the heavens
And the earth. And lo,
I had erected a stone for you.

A tombstone at each of
These places, places
We had been together,
Places of sea and heather.

For you just left
On a fine day in May.

The wreath upon your grave;
Abundant flowers in a field
And the brightest stars
Adorning the heavens.

Also the tiny shell
Lying next to the pebble
That you had given to me,
Still in the pocket of the jacket I wore.

A promise not kept.
Why did I let you fall?

Miss you too,
But let me go!

I am so sorry my Love, so sorry as not saying goodbye.
You have waited so long for me,

If I knew, you loved me so,
I would have given your hand away,
Instead of holding on so tightly in the end!
To another who needed your strength.

Why I was so selfish? I did do not understand.

Why did I let you fall my friend?

I wish I lifted you back up to stand.

Now that you are coming to the end of the road of life,
Stop crying your tears for me,

We will soon be two souls let free!

Spend your last days,
enjoying life.

Stop crying for me,
There Is no true Love without jealousy.

Find someone to Love,
To set your soul free...

© 2014 Ronald J Chapman All Rights Reserved.