I was at the mosque a few days ago after Iftar.
After prayers, I unknowingly said, “Hallelujah.” Heads turned, and some faces displayed disgust, shock, and disbelief.

“Princess, why would you say that?” my friend nudged me by the shoulder.

It wasn’t intentional to say that in the mosque—it’s just a praise word I use. It’s a habit, a good part of me.

But…

I keep thinking about this and similar situations from the past. Is religion a bond or a division?
Do we not serve the same God?

I believe Muslims just pray in a different language (Arabic), while Christians pray in English.
So why is there no unity?

Was religion created to divide us?

Why have there been killings, hatred, and war?
Why is there always debate?
Why are there numerous religions that claim to worship the same Almighty but refuse to believe in one another?
Why does it seem like religion exists to separate the world?

What is the beginning of a belief?

I am a believer, but it’s hard to distinguish between what’s real and what’s not.
Why do we have one God but different religions?
How do we know what is truly right?

My family practices Islam, yet we still practice Christianity.
I don’t choose between them, and I don’t want to.

“You’re still young. As you get older, you will choose one.”

Am I insane to wonder why I must pick a side to please both God and society?
Why is there an expectation to choose when we have learned that God loves and embraces His children equally?

I thought I would vent, write—but these 26 letters can’t contain all my questions.
There is so much I want to ask.
There are beliefs I want to let go of and simply continue communicating with my God the way I always have.

“You need to read the book.”

The books? The Bible? The Qur’an?
The books that tell different stories?
The same religions that believe in different things?

I have so many questions.

If I mention this to someone, they will say I am questioning God.

LOL.

The prophets' words are lost and torn,
from a black bible that's badly worn,
and the sincerity of a martyr reborn
coming to **** millions with his sword
is lost to a football crowd that roars
and the testament in a bottle washed ashore,
lost to phone fiddling and ****-hub ******,
Words lost to time that were ever swore.

Forgotten traces of a pencil – I’ve been built
by words; public reputation is the means of
being good at your own public relations.
As love’s repetition is loving those you’ve
fallen in love with, off the pages of life rather
than the scripts of perfected fiction.

And to believe your love is perfect is to rival
God's – where you become your own judge;
biased as much, for the flesh desires to feed
only itself; the flesh isn’t the perfection of love.

For everyday of life is the day for all equal dogs,
moral or uncouth,  posterity rests its favour –
Still a dog must know not to bite the hand that
feeds it; as it seeks the hand’s favour – wouldn’t
we all like to find favour in the hands of our Creator,

What are dogs to their Creator?

We do not sleep. Our all-seeing eyes do not close to rest.
Our ethereal bodies don’t have such mundane needs.

But we do dream.
Vivid imaginations are one of our token traits.
Through our dreams, we create schematics and prototypes.
We test theories and explore ideas in our superconscious minds.

After all, human…
What is mankind if not
a dream that the gods
decided to write down
in dirt and blood?

Here I sit
In my car
I didn't drive far
But my thoughts
Are gone

Gone somewhere nobody belongs
Desperation
Pain
An empty song

Nobody belongs
Nothing is real
We claim that since we feel
It's all real
But what's the deal

We live
Without knowing
We cry and beg for why
Never an answer from the sky
We all lie

Anyone who has faith
Anyone who feels in place
Anyone not afraid
Of death
They're all lying
To your face
To themselves
I can tell

I've lived some years now
I can see how
We all fight to forget
That time keeps ticking
And we all live in regret
Of existing

I can drive my car into another
Burn and crash
And die
And people would cry
They would ask why
Then say goodbye
And time will keep on

We do not belong
Where did we go wrong
Time keeps moving on
And soon I'll be gone
It won't be long
27 years gone by
All I can remember
Is me asking God why

Family members die
Tragedies go by
The world burns
And at every turn
We have all aged
And not one of us knows
******* why

I wish I could devolve
Become a sea creature
Or a dog
I don't want to think anymore
About who I am
Or what I'm for
I don't want this pain
Like a soaked disgusting stain
Never leaving
Baring my name
Since I was a child
Crying
And crying
Because I understood
The sick twisted game
That is
Life.

We strive
We try
We dance
We live
We cry
We get by
We all move on
Without knowing where we belong
Without knowing what happens when we go beyond
Into that grave
So we make songs
And act brave

They say heaven or hell
Or nothing at all
Honestly it's clear as day
If hell is real
We're already here
I can't think of anything more ******
Anything more cruel
Then existence without due
Without a clue
Giving us hope
Giving us love
Giving us beauty
And a possible God above

With no certainty
With no time
It's a sick crime
Yet we submit
We commit
To this life
Until we die
Nothing means anything
Everyone goes
And we just breathe in all of our woes
Then we go on
Singing meaningless songs

God never answers
Never says where we went wrong
We must have done wrong
We must have done evil
To have to live a life
So fleeting
So empty
No answers
Just plenty
Of misery
Suffering
Fighting
Wars
Giving it our all
Overcome in chores

Someone dies
And we pretend not to care why
Or where
They may be and if in despair
Because we are in despair
We are lost
Without anyone to care

If God was real why doesn't he tell us
Why doesn't he talk to us
Explain all this pain
I think if he did
We may all forgive
One another
And actually want to live
We all burn and ****
And hurt and spill
Because we're afraid
Of the nothingness
Headed our way

The golden calf commands!
Lower your gaze!
Bind your hands!
Pretend the lies
That raze the lands,
That **** the soul,
Are not the plans
Of a golden…
*******

Religion was genius,
A system built on brotherhood and loyalty.
Worship was a good idea,
But it was bad to put it in the hands on man.
The broken emotions of mortal ideals,
Took a good thing and destroyed it.

Strip me bare of my humanity
Only leaving the empty flesh behind
Does it disgust you?
Musk and desperation
Violating her girlish senses
That throat burned raw
Scraping against the red, hot, constriction
He embeds himself
In crescents around budding brown
Does it make you sick?
As they gawk and ravage
At the sight of the freshly butchered
Rising and falling then still
Sensual with vitality
Yet immature in her fruition
Rotting before she hits the ground
Does it satisfy you?
Empty, bloodless, pleasure
All in your tainted hands
Gorge on my womb
I thank God it is empty
No longer sacred by means
Of all the nameless before you
Finally, place proof of your presence
Your moment of my lifetime
And strip me bare of my humanity
Leave that empty flesh behind.

Thou shalt not lie

Yet we continue to hurt others with our words

Thou shalt not ******

Yet we continue to hurt others with our hands

Thou shalt not cheat

Yet we continue to hurt others with our actions

read the writing on the wall

the day will come

our kingdom will fall

fire and ashes rain from the sky

purest sould to heaven they fly

heaven and earth

they will collide

man and god

side by side

thank god for the dead memory.
thank god, that it died while it was still good.
thank god, that it still resembles something i might’ve prayed for.

thank god, that i prayed for the death i didn’t know.
thank god, that my tears couldn’t well up
for the spring on the other side of your death’s door.
thank god, yours was the first rain that taught me
what umbrellas were.

thank god, that thanking god is such an empty phrase.
thank god, that it won’t grant you afterlife praise.
thank god, you’re now only a picture on a wall.
thank god, the effigies i bear in mind cannot be canonized,
for the things they’ve never done,
and the people they never were.