I know that
they love you
So I cant help
but notice
I'm talking
to myself
again


But at least
I am trying
To make it easy
But you can't even lie
You don't try
But i'm still losin my mind over you
-------------------------------------------
you said that you're sorry
but I'm still stuck in your mess

and i tried so desperately
over and over again

to forget that cold heart
without burning hatred

I'm crying, you're lying
get out of my head

and I'm feeling so hopeless
all over again

i cant help that I'm tired
i just wanna lay in my bed
------------------------------
I can't stop it
I can't stop it
I can't stop it anymore
------------------------------

I speak my mind
And I speak my heart
I'll live my life
And I'll play my part

So what about you
With your laughing'n smile
Couldn't clean up your own mess
Do what you want and leave it to the rest

Cuz girl you did me *****
You closed your mind
So close your mouth

I can't help the fact
That I keep hating you
But every time I try to think
My thoughts keep coming back to you
-----------------------------------
you said that you're sorry
but I'm still stuck in your mess

and i tried so desperately
over and over again

to forget that cold heart
without burning hatred

I'm crying, you're lying
get out of my head

and I'm feeling so hopeless
all over again

i cant help that I'm tired
i just wanna lay in my bed
---------------------------------
I can't stop it
I can't stop it
I can't stop it anymore


I can't stop thinking about you

Oh, that we'd all have
huge and messy hearts,
that we'd expel
the shrivelled, the trimmed
as no longer fit for purpose.

what is this game
you wish to play?
what is this thing
you take away?
you want my light?
to feed your darkness
you want my love?
to feed me lies

you take everything.
and give nothing in return.

you’re nothing but a thief

thief.

“stranger”
that’s a curious word
new people
aren’t really strange
they sparkle
unblemished by memory

soon enough
a faint falter
a clink in the armor
A speck of brown in
your ocean blue eyes

slowly at first
the cracks began to grow
rust rose to the surface
like the way age paints the sea

there was no breaking moment
just gentle tapping
once pristine edges
smooth from rust

before me
no longer was
a shiny person
uncovered was
a beautiful rusty person

I wore apathy like armor
but cracked every time you looked at me
like I was worth being seen.

Even now I blamed timing.
As if clocks are crueler than my own hesitation.
As if love didn’t stand right in front of me
and wait with open hands
as mine stayed tucked in pockets.

I convinced myself I was unworthy
before anyone else had the chance to.
I set fire to every almost
just to say “see, it was never going to last”
like that made it less my fault.

Still, I write this like it matters—
like this confession changes anything.
But all it does
is remind me
that I had everything
and still chose nothing.

Ya hachu skazat— ya ochin tupoy.
Ya ni znayu kak nayti ma-yo zutdba.
Moy Bog. post budit Chronie Chelovek, kak eta krasivya Luna.
Ya magu begat.
Ya magu mnogo sdelat'.
Ya adeen chelovek, chto lubit Chornaya Luna.

.

I want to say— I am very stupid.
I do not know how to find my own destiny.
My God, let it be a Black Person, like a beautiful Moon.
I can run.
I can do a lot.
I am one person, who loves the Black Moon.

You disappeared,
Emotionally -- like a breath --
With no goodbyes;
or observable changes

You disappeared,
Instantly
Like life
--when death had paid a visit --

your sandalwood scent,
Streams of roses,
And sweet smiles
Simmer in my summer memories.

the rise of your chest  bellows and rest
the eyes of your investment   in me
the falling mane we form together
drapes
                                   into our milly pool
                              into our night attacks
     we act out civil villainy  and pranks
   we didn't mean to  but  we were spilt

   all the gutted sources of our majesty
bedroom headquarters and missions
   abroad from there  lead them to stare
our belly can hold all the resulting
                        birds of yellow vulgarity

they come to our door
                    with glowing phones raised
and we answer
         leaking behind our death-masks
they've chosen
                      to take us far too seriously
and may strike us down
                                             anti martyred
          alabaster heretics
                                laughing