i go back sometimes
to when you were love to me,
the first introduction i'd ever have to intimacy.

i go back
to two months ago,
when we held hands for the last time,
denial of what would happen the minute we walked outside.

we let love control us,
we let lust contort us,
we let ourselves become dependent on a relationship with an expiration date.

i go back
to two days ago,
when you told me we couldn't be friends.
i remember intermittently,
the warmth that i felt.

Your words move deep
deep into my soul
It goes deeper
deeper than you ever thought

I thought losing you
was going to be as hard as it was
finding you
How I wish it never happened
How I wish I never set my eyes on you
Little did I know
Little did I know your love could hurt so much

Like poison your love moved up into my veins
reaching for my heart
Your love made me blind

I thought you were different
different from the rest

Like poiseness venom
your warm love reached for my soul

On the edge of ******
Here I stand
With your venomous love traveling through my body
Mind and
Soul

Next time is indeterminate.
Sometimes it never arrives.
This time is the right time.
I've offered buckets of promises,
Boxes of apologies,
Truck loads of regrets,
Warehouses of chances,
But there is no next time.
The crystal's broken,
The hands are frozen.

I'm living with my reflection
I craved to live in the reflection.
A reflection existing in another dimension;
A REFLECTION OF MY LIFE WITHOUT REGRETS.
Every step I took, he took them more buoyantly
Every night l slept, he slept more peacefully
Every word I spoke, he spoke them more blissfully.
His skies were bluer than mine—
His sun shone brighter than mine—
The stars in his world twinkled effortlessly.
Never did he seek refuge in dusk
Nor use his pillow as headphones whenever it poured down rain.
My suicidal thoughts were his love for the world
My sorrow was his laughter
My pain— his euphoria.
Every move I made, every  breath I take
I reflect on the reflection I could've been without my mistake.

I still walk

In the dark, accompanied by my shadow—
Mind is a pawn to something persistent and evil
He lingers in my head from dusk till dawn
Impossible to explain the portrait it had drawn.
So I gaze at the moon in hopes that I find peace
I count the twinkling stars to distract me from the joy I do miss
But sadness still overwhelms me—
Mistakes scarred me like my birthmark.
And still I remain Ignorant to whether the hexes they muttered still pursue me.

I am not living.
The only difference between me and the bodies in the grave is—

I still walk.

I have a dream
from which I refuse to wake

holding on to it so tight
that my reality is slowly fading
what drives me now
is what I see behind closed eyes

Titles do not impress me
what you do for a living
your bank balance or your car
the number of likes
or your amount of followers
these are lies that you regurgitate
to yourself that you've made it
self-approval for mediocrity

my question to you?
what does your heart ache for?

the more you focus on your dreams
the more the nine-to-five
only living for the weekend
paying bills
occasional holiday *******
becomes a sad existence on repeat

is this it?
each time i ask myself this crucial question
the lyrics from a song
the artist and title unknown to me
keeps ringing in my head
"there's gotta be more to life
than chasing this temporary high"

sadly I judge others
that doesn't see the world like I do
that fills their dreams with excuses
but I cannot be angry with them
since my life as it is now
is not what I wish it to be

as the bible say
"let he who is without sin
cast the first stone"

I have my head in the clouds
and my feet cemented to the ground
every part of my being
wants to throw caution to the wind
but whispers of doubt
painstakingly reminds me
I have studied so long
worked so hard
for this career
that is slowly
******* the life out of me

like a dying patient
hooked up on ventilation machines
who's heart is slowly giving up
each time I silently scream
do not resuscitate
i sadly ignore my own plea
and the shock of my responsibilities
brings me back... to this reality

and yet
I still have a dream
from which I refuse to wake

I chose to be happy
To smile with no regrets

I chose to be witty
To be valiant and not to hate

I chose to move
To turn and not to look back
again

but memories go  strong
as time choose to run
when yesterday now ends
I wipe to reminisce again

And there,
at the end of the day
I still choose
to cry
again.