I’m coasting through my life,
Many chances unseen,
Perfection or failure–
I know nothing between.

I’m afraid to attempt,
Any new kind of feat,
For risk of the unknown,
Leaves my goals incomplete.

Before an honest chance,
I avoid and delay,
Then I self-sabotage,
Every step of the way.

And I’ll only engage,
If I’m sure I’ll succeed,
Never taking a chance,
So, my win’s guaranteed.

This way I’m protected,
But, I don’t dare to dream–
For I’m broadly inept,
With a low self esteem.

Of course, I’m missing out,
On any real progress,
For this fear of failure,
Never leads to success.

We're together tonight.
Whisper words
Hidden smiles
Then we lock eyes
Subtle touches, tight hugs.

Suddenly a kiss on the lips.
Your smell, our taste.
Yet I feel empty and dead
No heart pounding, no sweaty palms.
Is this how it's suppose to be?
My head's quiet, my heart's dead.

They say this is forbidden love.
Sinful touches, dark words.
Is this how I wanna love you?
Spark's fading, love's wrong.
Yet you're a good person
You think I'm pretty, you like my voice.

But this dark ,dark night
The wind bruised my skin
Our actions leave me hallow.
I can't really see you
You're all shadow.
"Did you have fun with me here?" You asked
I'm sad to say that's far from the truth.
My Eden will never be here with you.

I've been scared of getting fat
Walking the streets alone at night
That dark space behind an opened door
And people whispering when I turn my back
To write on the board

I've been scared of creating a scene and others seeing me hurt
Going to the market with a low battery
Of being seen as too desperate
Not catching up and others getting ahead
And my rabbit sneaking in my room to *** on my bed

I've been scared of my Mom seeing me fail
Of being groped on the streets or the bus
Terrified of affection and the idea of being touched
Someone's opening the bathroom door when I got soap in my eyes
Having something pretty that makes me laugh then cry

Let's say I'm scared all the time
Can't help it
The world is pretty terrifying
I mean, it has crying babies who pull your hair
And cute bunnies who *** on your bed
Yeah, terrifying **** like that

But there's One thing that doesn't scare me
In life's unpredictability and harsh realities
A notion that makes me want to giggle
There's just One thing that settles my trouble heart and gives me bliss
The thought that just for a second you might believe...................................
             Such a thing exists

You owe me
The days I spent chasing your every wish
And trying to keep in your lane.
When I fell down and got hurt
I forgot that it wouldn't change your thoughts.

You owe me
Sweet affirmations I offered unto you.
Words dripped in honey to
Soothe all your wounds.
Yet, you're too busy flattering your ego
To offer an apology for you are never wrong.

You owe me
The stars planted in my eyes and the
thorns integrated in my heart.
When I followed your every command
And promised to take you everyday
to cloud nine.
But your wishes was to love and be loved honesty.
By anyone except yours truly.

You owe me plenty.
For my heart is always
burdened and empty.
Cause you usually don't see me waiting
Yet, I'm the one who would bear all your achings.

I would write up your debts.
And make you know your regrets.
But I won't leave you cause I'm sad
We'll part someday with my heart smiling with proof.
You owe me the every joy of my youth.

across the grass, the highrise
becomes the horizon,
as i lie on my back in the park,
and the line that separated land from sky
runs now vertically on
through evening into the dark.

I shutter desire,
I quiet fear,
And drag a rusty blade across my skin.
It's about what I let out,
Not what I've taken in.
These sweat and tears,
This blood that drops,
I hope you all soak it up.
Each of you, like ***** mops;
Never getting anything clean,
Just spreading all the muck around
And calling everyone *****.

The pelican’s wings are so wide on the horizon,
He carries the sun on his back as if it were wind.

His big flat feet arch and land,
propped strong and confident on cool metal.

I see him around our little island,
A confident lone traveller.
Never have I seen someone so sure of themselves and their place.

He guzzles his fish, he splashes sapphire water down his feathers,
And every day he lands assuredly on his perch.

Maybe one day I will have my routine,
Land on my perch and enjoy my life.

Until then I’ll watch him,
A part of me burning for such simplicity,
The whole of me happy just to see him again.

Should Andromeda collapse / Hammering hydrogen entraps
Cresting waves of burnished light / Whitecaps in the endless night
Fly apart with gentle violence / Into eternity of silence