It's almost
4:00 A.M.
Painting in pain
With rain
What's within?
The time stopped my smile
Where it has already used to compile
A tone of words
Into one word:
Love;
Love again!

I woke up this morning,
and found tears rolling down my cheek.
Like the rain on a sunny day
I wondered why they fell.
Were they of joy at seeing you once more
or sorrow that you will be gone again tomorrow.

Is it your absence or your presence
that causes me such heartache

I look out my window,
and it becomes a mirror.
Warm, humid air rises from my heart ,
and clashes with the cold front of my mind.
Pessimistic thoughts whirl with optimistic feelings.
Confliction,
too heavy.
Condensation harmonizes discordance.
Droplets fall,
releasing unbridled doubt and hope.
Rain cascades
Wind whips.
Thunder crashes.
This storm will clear,
in parallel with my vision.

the hazy atmosphere reflects how sometimes your eyes just-
defocus.
.
as tendrils drip off branches,
they become the worries that manifest in the back of your head,
dancing around the stem of your mind.
.
frigid air mimics the chills you get as you sit on your bed,
staring blankly at a blue-lit screen.
the wind howls with thoughts racing through your mind;
a rain droplet, suspended on the surface are words at the tip of your fingers, frozen,
waiting for release;
permission to plummet to their true place in the world.
.
the mist and raindrops on the window are weight on your shoulders
and periodic piercing stabs in your chest.
.
~wind chill is the waves of sadness
traveling in whatever random intervals~
clouds rolling in and out bring both unease and angst, and silence and solace.
.
but, same as torrential storms, with time, the sadness passes. where your body experiences incredible pangs of hurt, eventually, you’ll feel peace pour over you the way rain covers the world in a crystalline curtain-
.
if i’m honest, i think rainy days embody aspects of
dissociation and/or depression
really well

the way the atoms in the atmosphere sink into our chest,
and despite the crisp air, make us feel heavy and drained inside;
but simultaneously, the air invigorates us and ignites our bones, teaching the beauty of stars as they crash over us.
~for some reason our body becomes tied to the rain

I feel like this is the end.
I’m standing in the middle of the street while it’s raining. I’m cold,probably freezing.
But,all I can feel is the pain in my heart.
The voices in my head telling me to give up.
I feel like this is the end.
I’m down on my knees,I’m screaming.
I can’t survive.
I won’t survive.
I just wanna give up.
Is it worth it?
Am I worth it?
I feel like this is the end.
I can’t keep on having this facade of normalcy and strength.
I’m under a lot of stress.
It’s not worth the fight.
I’m not worth it.
Maybe this is the end.
Maybe this is how it ends,me giving up.
Me not survive.
Falling apart under this pouring rain,with tears streaming down my face and my palm on my chest,I can feel the pain.