red was the blood, like blossoms in July
orange tinted lips, the ones that told me good bye
yellow was the stairwell, the last place you went
green was your text, the last text you sent
blue were your tears, shimmering like gold
purple was your face as your body lay cold
white were the lilies, for which you were named
white were the lilies, the ones I lay on your grave.

with blood racing to my head
my heart pounding through my chest
galvanized by the elusive feeling of first love
lingering with the shadows
of impending doom
I mumbled the words
that resonates with every ounce of my being
so deeply that all the other words
I've ever said
seemed like a lie
as though these words were my salvation
and all I wish to be

"I love you"

i knew i was in the wrong
to love a man who has eyes
for someone else

but i lied to myself
when he whispered
sweet nothings in my ear
and made myself believe
that i wasn't
the other girl

i told myself
he loved me more
that she probably didn't
love him anyways,
not as much as i did

but i knew i was the reason
for her tears
when she loved him
too much to leave
even though
there was another girl

i only wanted him to be happy
and i thought
i could love him enough for the
both of us

but i knew that
his happiness was not with me
because i was only
the other girl

dying for someone
cannot be a testament of love
if leaving someone
can be called love
then we are but sadists suffering
from delusions of grandeur
if you loved me enough to leave me
then perhaps you never loved at all

I woke up this morning,
and found tears rolling down my cheek.
Like the rain on a sunny day
I wondered why they fell.
Were they of joy at seeing you once more
or sorrow that you will be gone again tomorrow.

Is it your absence or your presence
that causes me such heartache

you called me selfish
for leaving the one who had
already abandoned me
but I will not apologize
for leaving someone who was never there

you just hate me for hurting you
the same way you hurt me