You're troubled, I know
You have a tough time opening up
There's a lot of trauma you suppress

I wanted to fix you though
I wanted to give you the world
I wanted to be the reason you could see things in a different light

But you ran away
You ended things before we could've grown together
You ended things before there could have been an "us"

You removed me from your private story
You don't talk to me anymore
And I hate it

I know you have no one to talk to about your problems
I know the people in your life don't understand you or care
But I do, and I always will

Once again, lying in bed,
The day's events
Flowing through my head
Like a movie
I don't want to see.

The dreams come and go.
I push them aside,
Each time wishing they would return;
They don't, of course.
Why would they?

I see her eyes—
His eyes—
Their eyes,
Painted on the back of my eyelids
Like graffiti on the silver screen.

Covers pulled over my head
Only serve to catch the vapor of my breath;
The click-clacking of a beast in the hall,
The quiet tick-tocking of a distant clock
Still permeate.

You chipped away at the wall I put up until you made a gaping hole.

Then you left, so I filed it with cement.

Being physically close to someone does not bother me- I like being touched. I like hugging and the feeling of someone running their fingers over my back and arms.
But once that physical touch gets a little too close to emotion I push it away. Once someone starts to feel like they have feeling for me, or that I for them, I immediately think of ways to push them away in such a slight way that they do not realize what is happening.
Because the truth is.. The fingerprints left on my skin, the touch I can not scrub away in the shower, will be gone. I will have a new set of skin in a matter of weeks. Skin that hasn't been touch, hasn't been tainted with someone's prints.
But the words that they said to me will forever be printed on my heart. Each letter stamped into my mind where it'll wait to hurt me again, filed away under "Do not go back" until it gets dark and I wander through the shelves trying to find someone, something to occupy myself with. Something to remind myself that I was not always this alone..

I don't miss you, but I wonder about you and wish it was acceptable to.
My brain still can't understand how something so good yet short lived could end in all of this pain.
You used me? I guess that's it.
But no- you're better than that.
See, there I go wanting to give you more credit and myself more blame.
It must have been the light blue color in your eyes, unlike anything I could ever dream of, working along side your mischievous grin that fooled me.
Perhaps it was the way you knew how to make me laugh and long to kiss you since the minute we met.
Things weren't so gray and I wish I wouldn't have shooed you away.
Before you ran, you warned me about your morbid sense of humor and advised me to get used to it.
There was no point of me warming up to your dark humor though, I became the joke that stole the show.
How was I supposed to know that the soul behind those glassy, freakin beautiful baby blues of yours had grown so terribly icy and was destined to leave me feeling blue?

Red is blood and found in fire
but it's also passion
a burning desire.
See Red isn't always so bad:
those flowers in the light
reminding of better days we've had.
Petals may begin to fall
with time and wear,
but this happens to us all.
Time also brings forth a spring
the rain clearing and cleansing,
repairing everything.
I know things seem crazy and queer,
but I promise your spring will come,
and through it all I'm always here.
You're afraid of what's real,
and trying to cope as best you can,
believe me, I understand how you feel
Employing thorns as your defense,
you damage your mind fighting for control
as you force everyone to keep their distance.
Just promise not to push me away
when you throw everyone out;
let me be the one to help you stay.