some people say that life is a blessing,
but i'm not feeling quite the same way

they constantly thank and pray to their lord,
but i'm just pushing through every day

their lives are a dream, a blessing, a gift
while mine feels like i'm dragged by a noose

"My life was hard too, just try harder" they say

"i'll try...
to cut myself loose."

gracefully,
standing upon discarded bodies as the world casts a shadow on the tasteless display.
a girl,
watching herself like strangers do in tall buildings through windows,
the lamplight being the only echo of familiarity; a sense of safety,
flickers off,
leaving the cold grey of the night to be her dearest company.
the peoples faces, frozen beneath the hem of her dress, read a quiet howl that makes the silent night turn away.
voices in her head replay the same dull, lifeless film:
"you can't keep pushing us away"
"we can work this out"
"it will be okay"
she locks herself behind puffs of smoke,
and somewhere in the clouds it's always raining a slow and endless drizzle.
and she keeps burying,
burying it all away,
till the morning sun sheds light on what she refused to believe; that it was all her fault.

This life I have, it seems so long
Keep pushing, I have to stay strong
This life I have, it seems so short
Don't give up, it's the last resort

While lying in my dark abyss,
I see a sky of happiness
Finally at peace, for what it seems
Then I awake, from only dreams

What's the purpose, why am I here?
To live with pain,  die with a tear?
No.
Life is too long, to live with pain
Life is too short, to waste on rain.

i am alone
totally and completely
it wasn't like this before

i had so much attention recently
slowly i was trying to pull away
i was crumbling under all of it

i'm not used to people seeing me
i'm the invisible one
i'm the one no one pays attention to

i cut off my hair thinking it was time for a change
the only thing i feel is more vulnerable
i don't have my shield anymore

so here i am, alone,
waiting for somebody to save me
when all i do is push people away