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Duke Thompson Oct 2014
Got new job today
After hanging up phone
Went for smoke on deck
Looking up at gloom laden sky
Down at wet vermilion leaves
Felt nothing (empty blessing sickness)

Bored
Want for whole charade to be over
All this *******
Therapy and

ADD meds
That make me feel like a zombie
(Dead eyes in mirror look through you)
Abuse them anyway
I don't want to stop

Pretending
To be so much better for family
Really still useless (dead weight anvil)
Really still high dreaming
Of tall buildings on rainy nights
Or ketamine bathtubs
Ready for the end

Tired
Of worrying about the girl
Remorseful poison
Afraid it will take her away
Says she can't stop
Don't want her to go
LN Oct 2014
Eighteen years have passed me
I still marvel at picturesque clouds
They pass us overhead, with grace, like the ground they face isn’t rotten.

Find me that girl who smiles every day
Exchanging her three am thoughts
Into golden plated words that are beautiful
They belong in her poems.
Sadness stained cheeks covered in blush
She’s so lovely, people think
but she’s just glad her mascara is waterproof.

My grandmother has dainty hands, unlike mine
and I was jealous.
until I realized that they were covered in blood
years before I was born and knew what pain was,
making a living and treating her blisters at the same time.
Six children but it used to be eight before two passed away
“Sofian, he died before your grandfather by a few years”
Her heart broken in half and tears encrusted in her skin
But she still has delicate and pretty hands right?

People say they love one another,
But I can’t even count the knives on their backs anymore,
There are too many.

When I find myself in solitude,
I subsequently lose myself in thought.

You know,
I am ashamed.
These angels that watch us every day
I know they weep at our state
And I am done pretending it’s fine.

This is a world where the ground shakes in anger,
The sky cries out of despair
And the air thickens out of confusion
I am all of nature’s catastrophies
In the shape of a woman.

You will see me in the corner
Praying for lost souls
Including my own
Hoping that one day we’ll reunite in a place
Where words don’t drip blood
And authors find that writing is easier when happy
But for now, we can’t get enough of pretending.
D Sep 2014
Why are people so accepting of the smile
After all the tears they just saw be shed?
It's exhausting playing the happy, smiling girl
When all the while, inside I'm dead
Why don't they notice my tired eyes,
Or the way my legs always seem to shake?
I'm sick of pretending that I'm perfectly fine
For everyone elses sake
Because no one really wants to believe someone close to them feels pain, so they take whatever signs of normality and happiness theyre given, and ignore the truth. I dont blame those people, I just wish when I say im okay I could mean it someday..
Riya Aug 2014
Days like this
I want to drive away
Lock myself up
And will the pain away.

Bottle it up,
Push it down,
Into the vault
That is buried deep within me.

That pain will fade..
But the memory will remain.
I guess that is the price I'll pay,
For pretending to be okay.

But you don't know about the pain, the suffering or the robot that I have become.
If you knew even half of it, you would have been long gone…
Emmalee May Jul 2014
trying to forget you is as pointless as pretending you care
either way it hurts too much
Nightwish Jul 2014
I am dying
Everyone just walks past
I finally let my self give up
Silently calling
And for one of the few times
I actually reach out to the same by-passers
The pain I'm trying to escape from
Deepens as they look into my glazed eyes
And sneer at me
Disgust fills theirs faces at my pathetic attempt
In my head I'm doing that to my self
The only thing is that
The by-passers are nice enough
To not say anything to me
And just leave me alone
In the dark pit
The voices in my head
Are so much more cruel
They love how they can clench
My heart and destroy my spirit
Time and time again.

I'm getting tired of being half awake now
Thoughts of finally being able to sleep
Fills my head
And the voices find much to rejoice in them
They love it and encourage it.
Acts that would bring me closer to my finally resting sleep
Are being advertised so often
I'm feeling sleepy
I want to rest
I really do
I want to leave the voices, the pain, the exhaustion - everything behind
I'm tired if constantly fighting
I'm no hero
There's not much reason for me to stay much longer
But then again
I don't want to be associated as a coward
Even if I am one
I don't want to be thought if as that.
It's confusing all these thoughts
I think I might try a little taste
Of what it might take for me to rest
Just a little.

Others have done it before
It's not going to be a big deal
And they aren't even asleep yet!
This little taste might be just what I need.
What I need to get me back on track
To step away from finally resting
I'm in so much pain right now.  
I just want a break
I promise a small one will do
I'm tired of falling into pretending
To feel and fighting
To feel again.
There's only so much anyone can take
My limit and stamina is just fleeting me.

It's alright
It had to happen at some point in time, right?
I really just hope the small break
Will be enough
And that I won't run away from it again today.
Cause I'm tired
I'm too tired
My body has already given up on me
So long ago.
My head is tired of fighting only to achieve failure,
I'm tired of being a failure
That spends so much time
Making myself look like a big success

Bet you didn't know that,
Now did you?
And you claim you know me!
You don't know anything about me
Except maybe the angelic image
That I want you to see.
The almost angel on earth
Aside from her uncontrollable minor breakdowns that everyone ignores
It's no big deal
She's not perfect either!
A little breakdown that's out of her character
Won't **** anyone
Well, I guess not.
Except when you go through it so often
All alone
Stranded by yourself
With your thoughts
That haunt you
For all the haunted angels that have to put up an act...
Taya Nata Jun 2014
It seems that these days nothing is real
The world around me shimmers artificially
Women will have procedures done to fit into the world of plastic
Men find it more simple to use cheep tricks to get a night of love
People on the street dress to make the illusion of perfection
Little girls stuff their bra's and paint on geisha faces pretending to be grown up
The sad truth is that,
Nobody is genuine anymore
quietly yelling Jun 2014
The reason I even know him at all is *** I thought he was you!!
You always pretending to be people and talking to me like you do....
If you didn't do that and always pretend to be someone else and just be you and chat with me-
Then it wouldn't have gone on and lasted so long.
But when you pretend to be others all the time..
I figured you were actually he!!!!

I want only you and deep in your heart you know this is true!!!
Id NEVER look another guy in the face of I had yours to each night finger trace!!!
You are the one who makes my heart pound with a simple thought of you...
No other on earth makes me feel like you do!!!!

He is sweet and makes me feel a little better...
I'd rather have some conversation then the little bit you give me on here.....

Again it's you who I want and thought that you were he!!!!
So you can't think I don't want you and that we aren't meant to be!!!!!
It's u I want and only you!!! But I want u now not months from now!!!
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