I think guilt might be killing me. Now you may ask yourselves: "What did I do to feel so?" - **** someone? No. Nothing so radical. In fact, nothing that might actually warrant this level of guilt.
Misplaced guilt is like my personal ******* - an addiction that my brain can't get rid of, constantly calling to be fed. I latches on every small mistake Sinks its claws deep into the marrow of my bones and stews for a very long time - whilst my brain vainly strives towards perfection.
I have a parasite. It's called perfectionism It causes me to have overwhelming brain spasms When you ask me to do something out of my "comfort zone" If I try to do it, I have to battle against the parasite. It says things like: "This is too hard." "Give up, it's easier." "You don't care about this!" I'm practicing self-soothing methods, Ways to drown out the little parasite's Nagging voice. It is difficult. It is hard. But I am stronger, I am the host.
Do you know that voice, always yelling at you? That voice from inside your head? The voice yells the worst insults. Try to fight it, but you'll never win, because the voice knows all of your weaknesses. It's made by your worst enemy, you can never defeat. Yourself. Try to ignore, but the voice is sneaky, and will come at the most unexpected moments. It will break through the silence. To break you. Try to escape, but the voice will always follow you, wherever you go. And it will never stop, until you break under the pressure. Try to stay strong, but the voice keeps yelling until you start to believe. The voice is done when all the lies become truths. Then the scariest part begins, when the voice stops yelling and starts whispering:
"You aren't good enough."
Do you hear that voice too?
Perfectionism can be very hard. Never underestimate.