Tell me how
to wait for someone
whom I'm never sure
of showing up.

My tiny rhymes pass away
—undiscovered

(an unpunished
innocent crime)

—You, my muse. I abused
your unaltered patience

When I think of you I hear a baseball game.
Thousands screaming around us as the 2nd baseman gets the second out at the bottom of the 5th
Thousands of voice waves fill the stadium
For once my ADHD clogged mind is able to focus on one single thing
You.

When the thought of you crosses my mind
I remember car rides
Aimlessly driving
Like time, the car flys
Blurry lights
Red light
We blow through it
Your arm like a switch blade
Cuts aross my chest
Time slows and you say
"Sorry it's me being protective
I guess a force of habit."

When your name slides into my brain through one of the holes in my face
I am graced with the memory of silence
Silence at 4:03am in the morning
I learn you're a silent crier

If I ever glance at the clock at 5:13 in the morning
My photographic memory will play for me
That time of us laying under the trees
Watching the night fade
Then attempting to figure out
How to get me inside without waking up my parents

When you dwell in my head I remember a few lessons
You taught me patience
Patience is good for the young naive soul

6 months of silence and suddenly the memory is no longer sweet
I think of you less
I receive a letter every few weeks
You sign your name with a heart
PS a promise that you'll be coming home soon
6 months ago I promised I'd wait for you

Lover I am lonely
I crave your arms and only your arms to hold me
But it's been 26 weeks without you and my patience is growing ever so weak

I tenderly hold these leaves
and have watered them
with my joys and sorrows
This is a strong
and determined little sprout
it has lived off of only
moments of the sunshine
that is your face
imagine where this sprout
could grow if it
were to bask in your warmth often.

Like a spider’s web
And all it’s delicate
Intricacies
It catches its prey
from afar
It preys with
Patience
And dines with gratitude

As the web of life
And all it’s delicate
Intricacies
Pray from afar
Pray with patience
The meal will come to you
And we shall dine together
In the web of Love

Am I the only one
Really the only one
Who misses out on fun
And stays out of the sun?

Am I the only one
Really the ony one
Who doesn't have a BF
Who doesn't have a love?

Am I the only one
Really the only one
Who sits around with no one
No one to love on me?

Am I the only one
Really the only one
Who feels this unloved
I wish I had "the one"

I wonder is thinking about my past obsession my new obsession.
Have you ever wanted to eternally hold someone down, hold them down, stay down, like some type of romantic oppression.
My expressions, she Questions, Lectures me about moving faster than the class, seems loving someone too soon is today's lesson.
See I was just trying to appreciate a blessing, Appreciated it so heavily in fact, i began stressing.
Have you ever gotten something so good, the day it arrived you had already began dreading the day it would leave?
It's like getting the throne and not appreciating the throne, just resenting the fact one day there has to be another Queen.
You can treat good things to well when you're used to washing in pain, shampooing in secrets, and using tears as a rinse.
I think this is the reason why in my Heart she had the throne, she was my Queen before I was even her prince.
Lose your Queen and you're just a Jack, with no way to become a King, no way to ascend, no way to bridge that gap.
So I try fill the space with Jokers, 9s, and 10s even but beauty doesn't Equate strength, & every time I walk a bridge composed of attraction and pleasure my path is sure to collapse.
I'm on a Plane to Oregon & as I wait I realized I was becoming anxious, I'm headed toward a dream, and I'm impatient, rushing the moment rather than taking it all in.
This is when it finally dawned on me that no matter how big a lead i have, I will always have to wait until the fourth quarter to see who truly wins.
Sometimes when you're blessed with someone you have to be patient enough to let the buzzer sound, for your blessing to realize that you yourself are a blessing too.
The most Amazing and beautiful things in life are so fragile because they are life themselves, Admire but don't obsess, touch but don't capture, stand close but not too close, even a fish needs breathing room.

"Premises of a Loss" -Tadashi Pinder

Twilight mornings remind me of coffee tables and study notes
Sometimes I smell spray paint through open windows,
Even on the nights I ditch my cans for insanity
Breakfast-less mornings are recipes for undone laundry
And unturned plant leaves and un-salted tears
One morning, the porch’s railings crumbled in my hands
And fell over on the splattered rug sitting outside the green door
That I stumbled over and waited for fresh milk deliveries on
I find unlit cigarettes on the windowsill that taught me patience
And tornados in a mind that is too beautiful for damaged thoughts
I press petals over open cuts that never get the chance to bleed
And ice the bruises that refuse to turn green
But beside laptop keys that spell out what they know
I hit dlt over and over again; that’s what I know
The only other thing besides surety strung on tree branches
Are orange leaves sharp suns coated in silver
The shark tooth hanging from a string around my neck
Was only a metaphor that caused trouble