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if I went backwards,



you'd find me underneath
those dim city streetlights

laughing with the other
kids on my block.



you'd find me at
the first funeral

and then the
second and third

staring ahead with
blank eyes and a
tear-stained face,

brown dirt on
my black shoes

and you'd never again
find me laughing at
the end of my block.



you'd find me
running, running,
always running

from the cops
from rival gangs
from foster homes
from mean kids

from my responsibilities
and my guilt and the truth
and eventually from my past

and I wouldn't slow down
until I collapsed.



you'd find me on a
pool table in a basement
with my first boyfriend
on top of me.

he whispered that
he loved me,
but the bruises
said otherwise.

I listened to his voice
and ignored his actions.



again, you'd find me
running, running,
always running

from my ex and his abuse
from my self-hatred
from my confusion
from more cops

and I wouldn't slow down
until I collapsed.



if I went backwards,
I would be running.

I'm still running.

if I go forward,
will I stop?

will I always
be running?
I am broken.

there is nothing
beautiful about that.

brokenness is painful
and ugly and terrifying.

but no matter what,
I do not need you to
piece me back together.



yes, I am broken.

but I don't need
to be fixed.
Snow is but listening silence,
Sent from our dark past,
Inaudible ghosts made visible
In the butterfly net of cold.
TS Lefort Nov 21
What's done is done,
What's said is said,
So cast those regrets upon the dead.

When gone is gone,
When past is past,
Let go the ruins that still hold fast.

Where all was all,
Where then was then,
Drink up those dreams of troubled men.
levi eden r Nov 21
born not from here but here when you're 19 years young.
starting a new life and that's when you met my mom.
both young and in love and before you know it,
it's wedding vows and wedding bands,
then it's hospital visits and here we are.
i remember holding my baby sister when she got home from having her,
and i remember your mom, my grandma dying.
you sat in the yard, beneath the big tree that whole season.
i met her Once and i have a scar to prove it.
my cheek met her glass table and you were too in your element to be bothered by my blood gushing wound.
years and we're grown.
we're all grown and you look at your creation and the life you've created and i hope you feel pride.
until, things went bad and the house began to shake from your voice.
all that anger kept inside boiled like the beans you'd religiously make every night.
release, release, release
until the horse finally broke and everything you've built came crashing down.
do you remember when it was all too much for you?
i remember sitting behind you, holding bags of our hot food,
we're at a red light and we're all sitting in silence still not digesting the horror of the past four years you created with your other half.
but it's too quiet and i see it hit you like a truck.
wheel gripping and not afraid of crying,
Vulnerable and here and the most raw i've ever seen you till this day.
sadness turned into anger turned into hatred into resentment and anger and hatred follow and circle and pump the blood in your veins.
do you remember smiling for that picture of you holding me and my older sister?
i don't remember it but you have to remember.
i looked at your hardworking hands and on the left is your wedding band.
silver or gold, i don't remember but it's there and looking at that picture,
it's so foreign.
it's like those picture games where you have to find something wrong, something that's not supposed to be there.
do you remember being married and sharing and building a life with someone for over 17 years?
do you remember it crumbling down?
do you still feel that sadness and boiling anger you felt when you were finally released?
it feels like you'd be relieved but you never spent a second to spew that fire towards us and everyone crossing paths.
but i pray for you.
i used to hate you and curse you but now,
i pray for you.
there has to be a day in this life, that hopefully, you just feel peace.
i hope one day you wake up and there's no hurt, there's no anger, there's no revenge,
just peace.
one day, you'll feel like you have it all again.
one day, you won't need to act tough to protect yourself from .....
well, from yourself, from emotions that i wish would just leave you alone.
one day, it'll just be
peace
and
peace
and
peace.
Mona Nov 20
nationalism
interesting concept

it gives me eyes
yet constricts my vision
it cuts to the root, precision
a careful incision

distill patroticism
bathe in schism
scism of the past
no victory every lasts

build rafts
pay tribute to the past
but build the ******* rafts
appreciate your ancestors craft
but realise patrioticism is relative
we all have a past
something a lil different
HeWhoExplores Nov 21
Oh queen! One of unjust passion
who leaves a gaping hole in my chest
With your two hands
One holding my beating heart
And the other a knife-
That rains down-
Down! From the heavens and impales with such sadness
With such ferocity, the damage is done
And with a single blow, the passion is over
Gone! As if never before seen again...
And in an instant, you destroy the living being that once loved you
Like Marc Anthony, a Roman conquerer
Whom to you was a lover, an overseas companion
Who captured your heart and womanly desires
Was just a mere mortal, in the end...
Undoubtedly imperfect for your ambitions
It pains one, oh dear Cleopatra
That our ways will more than likely
never cross again.
Sarah Flynn Nov 20
I think about my daughter
awake at 3am, crying silently
over some boy who just
broke her heart.

I think about my daughter
who, with shaky hands,
comes to me sobbing,
begging me to love her
even if she falls in love
with another girl.

I think about my daughter
feeling like she's alone.
she doesn't talk to me
because maybe I'm
stuck late at work or
maybe I'm tired after
such a long day, but
for whatever reason,
I'm not there.

I think about my daughter
pulling up her sleeves
as she walks by me.
maybe I notice, but
I don't say anything.

maybe I just don't
know what to say.
or maybe I don't notice.

I think about my daughter
and how she's going to be
stuck raising her siblings
if I have any more children.

she'll be raising my children,
who she didn't choose to have,
because I'm not there.

she'll be tired and sad,
living her life the same
way that her siblings did
when she was young.



I think about my daughter,
who might exist one day,
growing up how I did
and feeling how I felt.

I think about my daughter
and I promise her that
she will never be alone.
I promise her that
I will always be there.

I promise myself that
one day, if I bring a
daughter into this world,
I will always be there.



I will break this cycle.
I will show her that
history doesn't always
have to repeat itself.

I will love my daughter
and she will know that I do.
she will never feel unloved.

I will be the mother
that I never got to have.
han Nov 19
Crystals of flowers sit on the side of the road
I walk past them, how pretty. Shining still, at night.
They glow and gleam and tell me to come for them
I come for you, only you

What an experience was pink, glitters and gold.
All I saw were of me, the past and the present
orbiting the stars, how could I have not known
I dream and look up, see the moon crescent
very random, nothing too great
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