You are the force of nature,
That tames the wind of the storm.
Settling the water's surface,
Restoring peace and calm.
You suffered and have been in the depths of the water,
From the silt and debris,
You have risen, as a lotus flower.
And, just as the lotus flower,
You are seemingly unaware of your beauty that touches the many hearts of the eyes that befall upon you,
Most will pass in time,
They enrich with the charm you bring to their soul perhaps without your even knowing.
I marvel, for I am looking up from under,
As I rise to sit one day,
Alongside you.
To bathe in the sunlight,
With a smile in our souls that no storm can shake,
For we have sought the light and succeeded.
You achieved it and I now follow.
You accept that I fear I will not make it,
As the surface seems so far,
Though, by the strength of your stem, your soul,
The beauty in you that I see above me,
Makes me push myself,
Makes me stronger,
It makes me grow towards you,
To join you and bloom beside you.
You are my lotus flower and I seek the sunlight to be yours.

What happened to your heart?
It used to be so strong.
When did these **** nights
get so ****** long

You're my Lady of ashes,
and I'm all burnt up.
You threw me in the fire;
And my soul has had enough.
I've had enough...
I've had enough,

I've had enough
Yeah.

*******

for preying on my naïveté
and the innocence
that I hadn't lost yet

and destroying my trust
when I idolized you
like a ******* god

and taking my heart
knowing **** well that
you planned to break it.




but also,
thank you

for showing me how to
spot those red flags

and teaching me
the lessons that I would
eventually need to learn
with or without you

and proving to me that
I deserve so much better.

The scars on my body are reminders
Reminders  of how I ******* my family.
Reminders of how I no longer have hope.
Reminders that at the end of the day my demons win once again.
They are reminders that i'm still alive and can feel the pain that I am being put through.

I was the kindest soul that ever sang to you and it turns out you never heard a word I spoke.
Claiming that maybe you just didn't need my songs to feel good.
I'm feeding myself false hope by the spoon fulls even after choking so many times.
I wish I could have learned sooner to put the spoon down - I knew it I just couldn't grasp it - the reality of losing it.
He couldn't explain his lack of love for my soul but kept my body full of greed for a year and a half.
Unfortunately, I'm a modernly woman holding on to just a string of hope thinking of all the ways I could change myself for you.

I thought I never was the prettiest picture that you'd admire each night. You told me yourself you had a gallery of others you would desire to be with for a night.
My skin still sinks so low remembering your stories about these selfish needs.
Making me feel I was never enough to love, cherish, and make a home in.
How does it feel to rip down a perfectly fine structure of a woman until she is bird bones?

I had a weak mind and constitution but continued to dance through the storm that I thought you'd save me from one day.
I was always looking for any signs of sun that I dreamt you would bring to me.
I ended up watching you disappear into the sun wishing and just praying that someday I could as well.
I asked to join but you couldn't handle it - you said couldn't understand it because you've never experienced rain like mine.
You put me through hell and I think it's my time to finally be able to breathe without your hands on my throat - don't you mind?

My first experience with love turned out to leave a constellation of scars that I'll one day look at and be able to see their beauty.
But for now, I'm still just counting scars.
But for now, I'm still battling flames you burned in me.
I didn't think I'd write like this about you,
But I can still feel the day you no longer felt like my hometown.
Coming home to you was lackluster and toxic at best - but I still drank it up like it was sweet wine.
Oh, how it still stings.

Finally, you have set me free and I can love you for that because you knew I was too weak to do it myself.
But here I stand tall - I am feeling like I'm starting to breathe and it is so divine.
I think I am floating.

One day I'll taste the sweet serenity of someone who'll listen to my songs and crave my soul and knows how to survive a storm.
But for now, I can only be my biggest supporter.
I can't look for conformation in another being without learning to love the silence.

"I'll take care of you
I'll nurture you
I'll guide you through and to anew
I'll take you so far to a place where you'll be able to build yourself better.
I love you and all your soul, body, and mind.
Don't be terrified, don't let him pull you down, don't let him fool you that he cared about you.
Let this story grow old and crinkle.
He didn't know how lucky he was."

Two little girls at play cheerfully.
Daddy's sleeping.  
Mama's humming in the kitchen.
All is bright. All is well.

One crimson kool-aid stain.
But barbies blanket will fix it.
It's a mess.
Mama's yelling.
All is noise and confusion.

Four hands clash in the air like angry vipers.
Like two great titans, they collide.
There's no time.
But a war zone is no place for Barbie .

Two little girls huddle closely under a bed.
Heads shielded beneath each other's arms.
Tables have fallen.
Plates are  shattered.
All is chaos. All is broken.

And then there's that deafening silence .

Red, white,and blue lights scream their justice over bright yellow walls.
The sirens wail like vultures at a ****.

Two little eyes peek--
To reveal the most vivid image fifteen seconds can carve.

One little girl clings on to her father's leg.
Screaming. Kicking. Crying.
" please don't take my daddy away."

All is bright. None is seen.