I remember sitting on the floor,
Arms wrapped around me.
Bawling my eyes out
Wondering why I'm crying,
Thinking what's wrong with me?
This isn't reality.
Now I look back and realize,
It was real.
It was abuse.
Nothing was wrong with me,
Except for being used.

A telltale sign,
I now see.
The problem wasn't even me.
Angry with what has happened
But elated because...
Now I'm free,
Effortlessly,
Drifting on a breeze,
Of such sweet release.
I have to say
God bless me
And everything that tried to break me
That in itself amazes me

💙

Written,
by me...

Rebecca

My hand was open
But you,
You chose her
Closed fist and everything.

Which church corner should I go to
which is safe with green lights?
It seems every one has glue and goo
rays of sun and dark of night.

Being a follower - not my big skill
not comfy on the disciple ship
but I’m hungry and want my fill
trying to get God in my grip.

But I keep finding him all over the place
can’t capture and save him just for me
see him in a cat’s and a child’s face
he won’t be my prisoner.  He is free

like his forgiveness and open heart.
So this ship is one I might board
the ship of joy about to depart
the cost of this trip I can afford.

I held your hand as you disentangled from her
you did not move closer to me

I assuaged your worst fears
you fueled mine

I was fully present and attentive
you took calls that came in . . . and didn’t call back

I asked questions
you answered different ones

I made you a playlist
you never acknowledged

I made plans and reservations
you did not show

I gave you the benefit of every doubt
you did not reassure me

I made myself vulnerable
you remained ensconced

I created space in my life
you did not explore

I dared to dream about us
you dreamed about . . . I don’t know

I gave you my body
you reached for your phone

I gave you my heart
you did not reciprocate

I get it now
you are just not that into me

Only wish I knew sooner.
Goodbye.

Impervious.
The defense of age.
Our hearts become small.
We’re loathe to engage.
We put up a wall.

Impervious.
In an armored suit.
Seeking protection.
To be resolute.
Avoid connection.

Impervious.
To one more heartbreak.
We like to think so.
But that’s our mistake.
Our hurt makes us grow.

Impervious.
I have tried to be.
It was just pretense.
For your love found me.
It pierced my defense.

Impervious.
Was never a thing.
I was closed off to
Almost everything—
Everything but you.

Feelings has so much emotional
So much feelings to hold
Which feelings are the best
How could I let go

My heart gave so many feelings
But not so much my soul
I love you with so much feelings
Why can't I let go

My first feelings was with you
The best feelings in the whole world
This feelings I've never felt before
Is what I appreciate the most

I still have this feeling
Even though your gone
This feelings will never go
Even though we're apart

This feelings is love
Love from above
To my heart to the universe to the star
This feelings I've ever loved by far

It's time to let go our love
So we can both move on
You said you wanted space
So here you go, goodbye my love

In truth
In waiting
Through blue
Wide open
Heart sky
As you are
Expansively
Intimately
Always
Loved
Grounded free