Not only your home but yourself.
You are being beckoned from within.
The external world has nothing for you now.
It’s time to go inside.
To get real.
To be vulnerable.
To examine who you’ve become.
To let go of what’s holding you back.
To imagine who you want to be.
To be grateful.
To be hopeful.
Go inside, and stay inside until you are at peace with yourself and our world.
Long before you said so expressly, I knew you‘d moved on.
Your sweetness turned slightly bitter.
Your intrigue became apathy.
Your focus was everywhere but on me.
I had started to fall in love with you—irrationally, inexplicably, unintentionally, yet wholeheartedly.
I had dreamed about what could be.
I had made myself vulnerable.
So when you leaned away, I anguished.
I didn’t understand my heartache and tears.
How can you begin to love someone you barely know?
But I did know you—your fears, insecurities, strengths, and dreams.
And I wanted to know more.
I picked up the pieces of my shattered heart,
And stuffed them back into my chest.
I locked away my aspirations for us.
I moved on because that is all I could do.
And then, after a while, you came back to me.
At first, tentatively, and then with conviction.
I don’t know what to make of it all.
Dare I hope?
My therapist once told me I turn crumbs into a cake,
a shortcoming for me to address.
Like when he visits for a day
after committing to two.
Or when he sends a heartfelt text
to cancel the next trip.
But is this such a bad thing?
Why not treat every small act of kindness as a meaningful gift?
Why not expect little and be surprised when you receive more?
Why not be grateful instead of hopeful?
Less is more.
Grace is amazing.
So if and when he brings me a cake,
I will radiate even more love and light.
make me laugh;
wipe my tears;
hold my hand;
see the person I am . . . and the one I am becoming;
are patient and kind;
know I’m a force of nature;
communicate best without words; and
manifest dreams with me.
listen to you;
know your heart by looking into your eyes;
anticipate your needs before they arise;
connect with you deeply;
think you’re super cool;
cover your blind spots;
am your fountain of positive mojo; and
belong to you.
You + I = enduring love. I am ready for you.
I held your hand as you disentangled from her
you did not move closer to me
I assuaged your worst fears
you fueled mine
I was fully present and attentive
you took calls that came in . . . and didn’t call back
I asked questions
you answered different ones
I made you a playlist
you never acknowledged
I made plans and reservations
you did not show
I gave you the benefit of every doubt
you did not reassure me
I made myself vulnerable
you remained ensconced
I created space in my life
you did not explore
I dared to dream about us
you dreamed about . . . I don’t know
I gave you my body
you reached for your phone
I gave you my heart
you did not reciprocate
I get it now
you are just not that into me
Only wish I knew sooner.
— The End —