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Des Jul 2019
Smoke to a fire is her words to me,
her words are the embers that sting my skin-
causing pain to be only what I feel,
she is my heaven and my hell.

Her hands guide mine with destruction;
gentle- yet so lethal with intention ,
I love her, she despises me with the same passion-
will I ever get over her?
ejb Jul 2019
every headache is cancer
every heartburn is a heart attack
every bug bite is poisonous

every thought is a boulder
every thought is a gong
every thought is a hundred

every breath is my last
every sleep isn't enough
every ache is never ending

every touch feels like more
all my pain is never ending
I can't take it anymore
OCD is exhausting
Day Jun 2019
brain's running on a train track
destination's outta wack
no station in sight
breaks off left and right
no telling
where my mind
will go
a quickly typed out poem about my adult struggle with ADHD
Nigdaw Jun 2019
I wrestle you out of the cupboard under the stairs
Every weekend
Scaring the ******* out of the cat
Who by now knows what is happening,
Perceived as a fight to the death
Filled with electric noise, until finally
I tame the monster and put it to bed
He elects to hide
In the kitchen, under the table.

We dance the waltz of cleanliness
Over carpet, lino, round litter trays
Up stairs and across bookcases
Just you and I, an odd couple
Locked in a battle against dirt and dust
The build up of bacteria (yuk!)
Cleaning away the footprint of a week
On the possessions of our life.

My wife doesn't know about us
You and me and our OCD
We share for an hour, or so, while she's out
Shopping, drinking coffee, with her mum
Ours is a secret affair
******* cat fur out of the crevices,
When I am done we part company
Hiding our passion behind closed doors
Until we meet again, next saturday

My love.
Empire Jun 2019
Slowly, sneakily
It starts creeping back in
Right around midnight
As the medication fades
As I prep my next dose
I feel my past
Hovering over my shoulders
Threatening to return
And just the thought
Fills me with so much fear
I rush to my little orange bottle
And wait for its serenity
To bring me peace again
Empire Jun 2019
Its fingers closing around my throat
Afraid to swallow, to breathe
In case I won’t be able to...
Can’t get it out of my mind...
GET OUT OF MY HEAD
The monsters are crawling back in
They’re trying to take control
I STILL HAVE CONTROL

What is control.... control.... lol
Control has only ever brought me
MADNESS

I can’t let them see
THEY CAN’T KNOW

I can’t tell the doctor...
I DON’T WANT MORE MEDS

I’m slipping

It’s coming back.

****.
Yes, please dangle my triggers in front of my face. Please threaten me with them. It’s really funny.
Empire Jun 2019
It's like I used to be able to see so much
It’s like I used to be able to feel so much
More than I should have been able to...
Infrared, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet, ultraviolet
But infrared and ultraviolet were too much to bear
They were blinding me, crippling me
Too much of a good thing, I guess
So they gave me a pill to pop
That blunts the edges
And all I see now
Are yellow
and green
But I remember when I could see ultraviolet...
Empire Jun 2019
I’m not exactly sad
I’m not exactly happy
I smile sometimes
I cry extremely rarely
So... is that it?
Is this the recovery I was promised?
Lukewarm all over
Breathing... I guess?
Passion all but faded
My lips keep uttering,
“I don’t care”
I mean... I’m not obsessive now
Most of the compulsions are gone
(Though some simply replaced)
I wake up in the morning
But the fire is gone
My fire is gone...
Empire Jun 2019
They’re afraid I’m not myself
That the little circular tablet has changed me
But how would we know?
Before I was crippled by adrenaline
I was so young
You can’t compare me to that
And in the midst of my darkest days...
You can’t possibly believe that’s me
Is that who you’re looking for?
Because I don’t care about everything now
It’s not perfect
But I’m not obsessive anymore
And that’s what I needed most
All I have is who I am now
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