you told me you loved me
you told me "you are mine"
you told me you'd love me forever
you told me "you belong to me"
you told me I was your alpha & your omega
you told me "you are why I was born a man, to love you"
you told me you were going to marry me
you told me "I can never love another now"
you told me you'd never let me leave you
you told me "I'll put you in a box in the ground, before I'll let you go"
you told me you'd never hurt me
you told me "I'm going to **** you"
you told me you loved me.

love is not ownership
love is not obsession
love is not violence
love is not suppression
love is not breaking bones
love is not silence
love is not feeling alone

you saw me like you see
one of your treasured
first editions
a thing to show off
to brag about
to your mates
a thing to pick up
and put down
to keep locked up
to covet
a thing you own.

I loved you
when you were
my loving lost boy of the morning
I loved you
when at loves first bloom
you were sweet
passionate
gentle
kind
I loved you
when you made me feel safe
I loved you
before the strong arms
that held me close
broke my bones
and broke my heart
broke my faith
and tore it all apart.

J.C.

Angels with broken wings,
frostbitten dreams,
morphine nights,
and gangrene schemes.
She had that broken glass sadness.
The kind that gets worse with
every slammed door and every
lazy moon mad night.
The light in her eyes was dim,
like a candle in the fog, or like
a frog that dreams of flying, but
wakes up to the same old pond,
day after degrading day.
God, every time I see her, I want to
take her home and give her a bath,
feed her strawberries and rub her feet.
I want to free her from the rain slick
suffering she's stuck in, wash away the
stench of the lonely diesel strangers,
but I can't save her, hell I can't even
save myself.  So I *** her a Midnight Special,
and light it for her, with a brief sulfuric blaze
of glory bereft of any lasting light...
walk away...Jack-O-Lantern grin
into the lonesome neon night.

Screams can’t reach you
A place so hidden.
Clocked by last chances
Turned off by fate.
Love cannot touch you
A pleasure so tactile,
Closely ecstatic
A torment to beguiled.
Imprisoned my soul
Under clouds of Pretensions.
I seen the truth
Long before you knew.
Yet my dreams won’t sit
Till it’s all renewed.
I see your thought
And read all your lines.
One thing remains
Is hope in your disguise.
In love I failed
And wish you only best
Yet my soul is tied
Imprisoned to no rest.

You are my heart
I need you to beat.
You are my heart
I need you to live.
A pump without fail
A flower absolute.
Autumn, fall and winter
May wither you branches.
But I will never cease
watering your soil.
I’ll keep you alive
Till the last leaf falls.
Then I’ll dig in your dirt
To grow you once more.
I’ll keep you inside
warm In somnolence.
Till your sprout knows “nowhere”
But this spaces warmth.
You are my heart
And beating you will
Until when I part
I won’t leave this feel.

The dark dance calls softly,
like Night Shade or Oleander.
Just a little taste...
Just one more slow waltz...
I can smell her
wet orchid while I sleep.
She moves languidly through
my dreams, possesses me at dawn
with lambent steps.
The love is violent, like a bullfight.
It's sweet and treacherous, ferocious.
Fatal for one of us;
and she's been gored.

I always bounce back to you,
I don’t even care if it makes me blue.
You see me hurt myself every time,
But you just come back with a smile.

I try my best to ignore,
Haven't you gotten bored?
I still don’t know what to do,
Goodness, why do I still want you?

Is this who I want to be?
I can remember this wasn't me.
I know I can be more resilient,
I know I have to keep my distance.

I can’t see what I see in you,
After all this time it still feels new.
You throw me and I bounce back,
I don’t want it, my emotions are jacked.

I hate you, I love you, can’t decide,
Why don’t I just hide?
What if I don’t come back?
Which is one quality that I lack.

.
Because she could not see—
Song in flower, light in lovers abed,
Dream unfolding as we touched,
Because her great beauty was gifted
It was unfelt, undeserved, shunned,
Making her even more irresistible.

Because I could not hold on to self,
Beside such dream, lost to my hands
As prints clutched into the ruin dark
Of her indifference, I made peace
With subjugation and humilities riven
Out of soul and flesh and hollow being.

Because we were unknowing, each
A foil unto ourselves as we cried—
This then was daymare riding in sun,
Twin delusions in oft reign of blood,
O what stories we both shall die to tell,
How the itch of desire scratches bare
Whole psyche as it writhes in a shell.
.

The ****** gallop through my veins,
Vessels boil and start to drain,
I'll take pleasure with the pain,
And I hope I'll go insane.

Her screams echo through the night,
Roaring shrieks that know no end,
Each of them to hearts delight,
Each of them to hearts content.

While you stand and wonder brooding,
Sensless wonder breaks the stale,
A force that defies eluding,
Strong and potent lifts the veil.

As one grasps last straws of mind,
They'll be blown away with storm,
Not a thing be left behind,
When the ground is raised  by horns.

All that matters is the fire,
All to be heard are the shighs,
Flesh and soul quench my desire,
A home between her pale thin thighs.

The ****** gallop through my veins,
Vessels boil and start to drain,
I'll take pleasure with the pain,
A good thing that I am chained.

I will escape.....