I'm better today than I have been
But I can't expect it again to happen
Lately it's been worse than it has in a while
But I know it's just my faith under trial
I've been tested like a ship at sea
The winds and the waves have come to suit me
But I won't let the ocean pull me asunder
Gravestones won't burry me and take me under
In time I know I'll recover
Recently I've been worse than I usually am
I wonder if I've chosen it
Or if I can choose not to think this way--
How to undo it if I can
I know the night will come again
But to play a part in the dark will not happen
I can't choose every moment to live in the day
Even if I tell myself to think that way,
The feeling won't stay
One day I will get over this wall of stone
Though I know I'm so far from home
For now, I am fighting to reach the morning light
One day, I know, I will leave behind this night

Awakening will find me
through the daily mundane
faith's step in front of tiny step
for the sake of Christ's great name
Even David the brave did not set out
with a lofty ambition to see the giant slain
but walked forth instead with a servant's heart
obediently for his father, carrying cheese and grain
and as he went in faithfulness about this simple errand
God raised him up with sling and stone to champion His fame

I try to get to know you yet you shy away.
I try to be your friend and yet you hide it with a smile.
Imagine how many people you have missed relationships with.
I know you are afraid that you would be hurt again.
I am too.
You show me the face (-_-)when I say trust in the Lord.
Yet you post verses everyday.
You see me posting verses, you see me saying "trust in the Lord", or " Praise God"
Do you read it with your heart?
Or do you just scan through it because you claim I am "holy"
You claim I am "pure"
Freedom.
Do you want freedom or do you want to live in fear all the time.
Whether it be fear of betrayal, rejection, judgement.
Do you want to experience true joy that doesn't lean on circumstances around?
I can't even believe I am affected by what you say or do sometimes.
Like I am supposed to please people and not God.
Read with your heart.
Your whole heart.
Don't be scared of being too deep, too "emotional", too "personal".
It's just you and God.
Nothing else.

Sometimes, I am down,  afraid yet you push me forward,
and I thought you were forcing me.
You were not forcing me, at least not for the wrong reason.
It's not that you didn't love me, you love me, and you were doing that because you want me to trust you and believe.
Thank you for telling me that.
That you love me.
And in all that you do, you would ever hurt me without reason.
That you won't hurt me for the wrong reasons.
Thank you.
Let me grow, and bloom when the time has come,
when the season comes.

Obedience is better than sacrifice~LORD

If the waves could listen and obey your voice.
Why can't I?
If the clouds of the skies would obey you,
Why can't I?
If the skies of the heavens open up for you,
Why can't I?
If the creatures of this world would obey you,
Why can't I?

It's just an excuse to say no to you.
To say that I am not ready.
Not ready to obey.
Yet the creatures of the heavens, the clouds in the sky, the earth down below, and everything in between would obey you without hesitation,

why can't I?

I've been told how to look
What to feel!
What to say!
So you are expecting me to be a certain way
Surrounded by all these faces I say that I don't fit in
I see less of myself compared to that girl over there laughing ....

But maybe that's  superficial
Maybe she's just like me
Hiding under a shell, and not letting others see
Maybe she wakes up with the biggest regret
Maybe she doesn't want to laugh but that's not right compared to what society says

But I'm here for you girl, and I know you cannot hear
But feel it within that it doesn't end here
I know you feel crushed, hopeless and like nothing else matters
But still feel it inside that it's going to get better

I know you've heard this a million times, better days will come
But believe me when I say the worst has not yet arrived
I know you think its hard and  what's the point in living when you see your self-esteem getting crushed upon even in every single one of your dreams

It will get better, say that out loud
Not because others will make it so, but because you have the guts to throw down what others expect, disagree with what others think, crush down that conformity that society has put you in
You will make it far, try to understand
And once you believe it, the mask you have put on will finally disappear it.