Guilt,
Spotted on my bones
Spilled along my guts
Crawling up my spine
To greet my eyes with tears.

Ready for a new life
A whole school
Of three hundred smiles
Hopefully, the autumn breeze
Will take me where
I need to be
My blacked out eyes
Will yours meet mine
On the very first day
Or will the current
Rip me away

I want to be grounded
I need to be strong
But something's eating
Up my insides
Telling me I've been gone
For far too long
I can't make up
For the wasted days
Rotting away
Behind reinforced glass
Wishing that today
Might be my last

I lay down and feel the rush,
The speed of nerves running through my body,
As my sound turns to a hush.
I don't speak. I just feel,
I lay there and wonder,
If I'll ever heal.
It speeds up when the phone rings,
When the light shines through the blinds,
Or when the bird at my window sings.
The world is waiting on me but I cant move,
I always seem to fail,
Any time I try to improve.
Stuck in my head being tortured by my own mind,
No one can see me,
The world is blind.
I fight to get up I fight to keep going,
But the feelings get worse,
And my movements are slowing.
So I close my eyes and try to escape it,
In all reality,
I just need to face it.

It’s in my mind now
Can’t erase it
Can’t do anything but move on.

But I don’t want to
Can’t stop thinking
Heart is pounding and eyes streaming.

What if it goes wrong?
Can’t stop worrying
Can’t stop anxiously waiting.

I’m nervous.
I suppose that’s to be expected.
You said to be continued -
I’m sure you’re nervous too.

You look pretty in the moonlight
Standing there, eyes bright:
Uptight.
I barely even know you.
There’s time for all that.

Deep and rich
Are the rolling waves, pulsing tide,
Like the waters of an exotic land
I hope to find with you.

It seems we are travelling there now,
Without moving an inch.
I’m closer to you now,
Beginning to understand that

Before I met you, I wasn’t looking;
Now I’ve found the best treasure,
And I will treasure it,
Cleaning it when it gets tarnished.

i need a hug,

a long one that i can settle into.

a kiss on the top of my head,

a simple gesture really.

to let me know,

i’m loved and that you care.

an act of love and kindness,

when nerves are strained and bare.

and my heart aches,

in its loneliness.

My ****** days...
My shifty swaying,
back and forth.
Not knowing what to do,
or who I am...
or why.

Blank staring,
Lines in my mind telling me I'm worthless,

Nothing Changed...
Why now?

Lie Down.

The anxiety forces,
The blankest piety,
Just looking for an answer.

Please just let it end,
So I can get to my mind again

i hope i make you
feel the same way
as when you're exploring
an abandoned building at night.
i want you
to feel nervous and
exhilarated all
at once.