At first it was about you
Seeing adornment in your eyes i tell myself
I have to break the cycle.
I HAVE to break this cycle

But
I don't know how
To stop
This cycle

At first it was about you
Wanting to show you the stars and the sky
Hear what you've seen in the clouds today
To show you the wonderment and beauty of this place
Not teach you how to be afraid

Then it was about me
Every breath of air I take
Disintegrates
And I exhale ash
How will I be better for you?
Be there for you? Grow you?
From the examples I've had?
It was about you
but now it's me?
Is that- selfish

I think...
It was both
You see
At first it was you
Because thats how I understood
But  it was me too
You were my physical
Manifestation
Of my
Inner
child

And as I learn to nourish you
my little love
By showing you the pine trees
The dew stained mornings
The great beauty of this place
That you-
We
Don't have to be afraid of
I will learn
to
nourish
my
Inner
Child

Today has turned into one of those days where I feel like I’m missing out on life
whatever that means
wherever it means


it means I’m at home, a young mother at 25, at home on a Tuesday evening and I have work in the morning and I’m feeling left out
I’m feeling jealous of anyone who isn’t tied down to someone
I’ve gotten to taste what that life is like,
on the weekends my son is with his father,
it’s bittersweet,
It feels so good to do what you want with no responsibility for a little while
but having someone to miss and a home to go home to hits different when you know what you’re missing


It’s a lonely life
I didn’t realize how isolating parenthood can be
how many hours alone I would spend
how much time I’d be unable to talk to another adult
how much I’d feel left out by the people I care about
how many times I’ve had to turn down plans because I had my child

It’s also a fulfilling life
a beautiful one
a challenging one
a scary one
a fun, adorable, loving, and be loved life I have

It’s just a Tuesday night
and I’m at home with my kid on my couch in my living room
one day I’m gonna miss these days
I have successfully written myself out of the funk I was in when I started this
thanks for listening

A whole world laid out beneath you
like a mother's arms,
you stood in infancy facing the stars,
and I remember thinking as I watched you
that I shouldn't speak,
that those million little suns
will teach you everything you need.

The waves kissed the shore again & again & again
The waves kissed the shore again & again & again
The waves kissed the shore every second or so
to remind her how much she is loved
just like a mother to her soft, sweet warm hearted baby
kissing you head to toe like the waves.

-Ultraviolent.

Wonder if I’ll have a baby

There’s so many but maybe
To look in the eyes
of a new Light as it
begins her adventure

Some call me crazy
cause We feel like
Earth is our baby
maybe our lady?
The lesbian lover we never knew
we yearned for.

Bio
Logical
Tik Toks

The warmth of alone
encapsulates my every inch,
once again — I am washed over.


The little hands that graze
my face,
   my soul,
keep my heart beating
my skin alive.

alone in thought, but always seen by you —
your gazing up at me.

You do not know yet, nor will you ever…
but your laugh pulls me from the cold water;
but your eyes pull the water from my ever-seeking lungs.

I’d like to think that your ways
are the air, the winds.
I am the water you can move, and carry mists of me with you,
though brief and fleeting
effervescent,
though you can’t see me there sometimes,
I am felt in you. I am breathed through you.
When you’re heavy with me, you are the fog.
When I’m heavy with you, I am the breaks of surf
smeared out on the sands.
Sometimes
we make a rip curl,
burrowing under me
by some unearthly gravitational force.
I swell and mix with you.
We fight for the top till
we must fall over the apex
and break over the earth,
crashing down
again and again.
Until there is no more moon
there is no separating us,
as much as they try.
The sea of our stories
will be played in by the ages
of Children and their children.
From our ritual they may find sanctuary
So long as our ritual exists