This is not how I thought I’d meet you, my son.
In your plastic bubble, I don’t feel like a mom.

Can’t hold you, or feed you, or rock you to sleep.
These are not the memories I expected to keep.

So quiet and fragile, “It’s my fault,” I weep.
Each night we go home with an empty car seat.

“Can I hold him?” I ask. She says, “You may soon, just not today.”
“Maybe tomorrow will be the day.”

Even though I only get to behold you for now,
It fills my life with bliss just to see you in sight.
Here, I patiently await to give you a kiss.

I cradle my pump until my body is dry,
Filling the freezer with my supply.

“Liquid gold,” they say, to help fix you.
Drink up, my sweet boy, it’s all I can do.

Amongst the fear, the hell, and the anguish,
There is light, a magic, and hope that all will be well.

Late at night, amidst tubes, the beeps, and the wires,
We form a bond that could start fires.

After seven days of life is the day I finally get to hold you—
So little and fragile, my emotions running wild,
I dare not take a breath, just in case it might hurt you.

Nurses whisper and sing you a sweet lullaby,
They hold my hand, “It’ll be okay, mama,” as I cry.

They touch you tenderly, you’re theirs on loan,
Filling you with love until you’re ready to come home.

When we finally leave, it’s bittersweet.
We’ll never forget those we meet.

I’ll never forget those sterile walls, hands washed raw,
I’ll hear the beeps long after leaving those halls.

Joy and nerves as we drive towards home,
We’ll be sure to tell you about your start in life, my sonshine.

One in seven need the help of the NICU—
I just didn’t think it would be you.

waiting for months to pass
and then, i’m blue
and am labeled ungrateful.
waiting for months to turn to dust
in my rusty palms
to set straight my wonky emotions
to soothe my ferocious oceans.
counting days till my cage is opened
reciting rhymes until i come back to life.
waiting for months to disappear
become marks on the calendar
can’t wait for this year to be over.
waiting for these months to stop dragging
my laden feet
upon the creaky floorboards
resisting the torture.
waiting for the months to surrender
to the year’s higher rule
succumb to the power.
waiting for these months to blow by
to relocate out of my eye view
to package up and leave.

i can’t endure these months anymore

You should of known
That I could do more with my breath
   than sing Funeral hymns
I could of told you a joke
Give you chats lasting throughout the night
Comfort you when you needed
      Someone the most
I could of shown all things before you took
     That last burdened breath.
  The grim, wooden human box
Tells me you have taken all your breaths
  I conclude, I’ll sing this Funeral hymn
        Like it’s the last breath I’ll ever take.

It’s funny how sometimes
A month can feel like a day
And a day can drag on
Like a month

Imagine this...
falling in love and finding somebody that  is your soulmate or your first ever crush
and they look at you in your eyes and say life is better now that i have found you
and the butterflies just dance in your stomach
and you think to yourself that this cant  get any better..
But this feeling does not simply come  just by loving the opposite gender
it can come by loving the same gender as you
or you feel the same way with both genders
and that is okay nothing wrong with that
to the people who think this is wrong
ask yourself this
since when you can you control who you love?


Love has no color  
no filter
Love can never be wrong
nor something that shouldn't happen...
love who you want if that how you feel and then that is   how you feel
Being yourself and accepting who you are can never be wrong
The norm is different for everyone
your norm may be the norm for u but not for your friend
and that isn't wrong.
we do not   have to live up to other peoples normal
live up to your own self being.

surround yourself with people you want
do not  let others choose your sexuality
continue being your beautiful wonderful and unstoppable self
and nothing should stop you from being this person
and remember love is love no matter who its with

Hope can never be silenced
and so i hope that we come to a place in this world
were we wouldn't have to "come out"
we would just simply say "we are in love and that all that is important"
not who it is...
lets start to treat people like human
rather then determine that on their sexuality
remember love is love and its different for everyone

"A devil lurking within
Some spells it must spittin'
He got you in an illusion
Of a true love when it's nothing but deception"

Honey, you got rosaries under your bed
How about reciting some verses instead
Your time is not well spent
Stop with my sexuality check

I got no friendly bonds with lucifer
Did your brains lost it's luster?
Did not aligned with your belief of a lover
Pronounced guilty of being an offender?
Why?
Why is being different worse than being a murderer?
I showed you all my true colors
Yet you gifted me with faces of terror
Told me rainbows are associated with monsters
That rainbows don't have pots of treasures but failures
That my nature will bring nothing else but disasters
Applause . You received a laughter.
A pretend to be holy mother
Yet it's you who's reflected in the mirror
When asked who's really the cancer

No people I trampled
No lives I troubled
Even so, I was met with scorching gazes
When I showered kisses to my happiness
"Devils! Sickening!' can see it in your scrutinizing eyes
What a mindset, I sympathize

I am a warbler with a freedom
Of whom I want to be in my kingdom
Of whom I can say I love you's
Of whom my heart can choose

Tell me
For the title of a sinner
Between me and you-a hypocrite believer
Who deserves it, I wonder?