To my teacher Mom
To my savior Mom
To my kind Mom
To my trouble shooter Mom
To my simple Mom
To my generous Mom
Wish I were like you Mom!!

To the Mom who has been judged for living a simple life.
To the Mom who never tried to hurt anyone because she knew how it feels like.

To the Mom who thinks herself to be a superwoman and filled our plates with almost all the food from the dishes she had,
Keeping a little, what she called a balanced diet.

To the Mom who has the innate ability to filter out the demeaning words and rather enjoyed what she cherishes.

To the Mom who still believes "Silence is Golden"
And did her job religiously with love whatever be the condition.

But....
I couldn't be like you Mom and been a little outspoken as I have seen your helplessness for long....
And now.....
.......
I wish you were a bit like me Mom!!


Bina Mukherjee

I miss you
I miss waking up at 3am
At first to total silence
And slowly I'll hear the sound of you two talking away and drinking hot drinks

I miss you
I miss rushing to start the day
Run to your room and you're at your favourite seat
And I'll salam your hands and kiss your cheeks

I miss you
I miss having to see your name appear on my phone
You will nag about Bapak or my lil lion
And I'll quietly roll my eyes while trying not to laugh out loud

I miss you
I miss rushing home
I'll lie next to you while the TV is blaring
And we'll talk about our days, laughing or crying together

I miss you
I miss being with you
I miss looking after you
I miss you looking after me
I miss you
I really do

I miss you Mom, Momma, Mummy, Mak

tomorrow is my mother's birthday
and i can't remember the last time
we spoke about much more
than what i'm doing for a living
or how the weather has been
or when i'm quitting smoking
or collecting tattoos on body
or getting a real job
so it doesn't seem appropriate to call
and wish her a happy birthday
when i haven't been in her life
as she hasn't in mine
her contact name has been
KATHLEEN
ever since i was eighteen
our distance isn't anything new
but it feels heavier this time around
that weight is getting harder to carry
life is getting so weird
and i hate to disappoint her
but i have been disappointing myself
for far too long
living in the shadows of those
claiming to be
wiser
smarter
luckier
successful
stability is not a desk job
finding myself does not include
her telling me to sit down
i refuse to stay still
honesty is not easy
living is not easy
happiness is not easy
love is not easy
i can't continue
being torn apart
by her judgment
overstepping boundaries
letting her break my heart
is not a good birthday gift
so maybe i'll call her
but i probably won't

i don’t think the sadness ever goes away.
at least in my case, not for long.

right before a genuine smile
my sadness reappears with a camera
that blinds me with a flash.
“say cheese” it taunts me,
“yes, just like that.”
fake. a portrait.

and just like that once more i am engulfed
in a ravaged state of despair.

when i sit with my mother to spend a moment together
inside i die knowing that i her little girl
doesn’t want to be anymore.
but i just can’t do that to her.
despite the sadness and madness i don’t ever want to imagine her hurting because of me.

so you see this sadness that never goes away... is tearing me both ways...

so tell me where do i go from here?

Dear mother,
I still remember the days you would wake up and
Make us pancakes
Dance in daddy's shorts
You were full of life.

I catch scents that remind me of your sweet perfume (Elizabeth Taylor)
And everytime I see a butterfly
I feel your breath
The fragrance of sweet pink roses you left behind,
The curls I have left of you.

I still remember your unchanging love for us
That is now buried 6 feet under my ***** converse
Your relentless worry
Your cell phone number at the top of my head
(I dial it from time to time).

I still feel the void that remained
And how we tried to stay together
After you looked away from the world
Who would've thought that daddy would
Bruise me
Beat me
Touch me
(I'm so sorry you saw that).
Who would've thought brother would muffle my screams
Eat my soul
Lick my tears
(I'm sorry you didn't know).

And there's no real way to end this but
To know I will always miss
The way your lip rolled back when you laughed
Don't worry momma
We are okay
Sometimes
We'll be okay
And we'll meet again
But until then

Happy Mother's Day.

On her sick bed
She held me tight with her soft hand
"lend me your ears"
She taciturn.

She said;
"Son, don't waiver"
"Stay strong and be brave"
"Its not gonna be easy"
Life was death and death was life

On hearing Mama
I knew the end was near
But I could do nothing
Tears started dropping

My treasure said to me;
Don't be a coward
Cowards dies many times before their death
Be courteous and earn people's respect

I love Maami
She was the best teacher I ever had
She was stoical and complacent
Mama was also effusive

"Endeavor to make me proud"
"Always be the best I knew you to be"
I was stultified
I couldn't controlled my tears

I told Mama
To hold on a little longer
The end is not now
She'll scale though

She smiled and said;
"My death is not now"
"I'll be with you a hundred more years"
"I'll back your child"
I was already in trepidation

She placed her head on my laps
Playing with my left fingers
While I was caressing her hair with my rights
She said she loved me
I told her same amidst tears

All of a sudden,
Trees were falling stratagemly
The trees groaned as they fell
I told Mama I'll be back soon

I came back, met my treasure motionless
She had closed her beautiful eyes forever
Death, be no proud, you're a sycophant
Death had laid its icy hands on my gem
She abdicated her promise.