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Sabene Jan 2021
You say I give you mixed signals,
I push you away,
But you won't leave me alone,
You want me to trust you,
Be with you,
But how do I know your different from the others,
That you won't just walk out,
Piercing my heart into pieces which my bleeding hands will have to pick up,

I love you,
I really do and I want to spend the rear of my life with you,
But darling,
How can I trust you when I don't even trust myself,

It's a scary thought to trust you with the most vulnerable parts of myself only for you to walk out,
See I tried to share myself with others before,
Only to get hurt,
It was like walking on eggshells,
Some walk out,
And I thank them,
For others used my vulnerability against me,

So you see,
I want to trust you,
But this heart doesn't,
This heart that loves you,
Doesn't want to trust you cause it's been broken many times,
And the only thing holding it together is a single drop of glue,
One it fears you will remove,
And then this heart will fall forever upon the endless pits of doom,

You're a great friend,
And I feel comfortable sharing things with you,
But some things I don't want to share,
Not even with myself,

It is better to not tell you the way I feel,
For we are better as friends,
Friends are all that we are,
And it is all I say to you everytime you say I give you mixed signals,
Friend you are,
Lover you are not.
Sabene Dec 2020
I had nothing in life,
Every day was pitch black,
Dad was dead,
We were barely getting by,
The same mundane routine every day,
I'd get off from school,
Only to get beaten by my uncle who for lack of a better word was a drunk,

I remembered screaming,
But he wouldn't stop,
And when I complained to my grandparents siblings,
They laughed it off as it were one big joke,
It was funny to them,
To see an eight year old complain about being abused,

I was ten when I met the worst teacher ever,
She yelled at me for using the wrong pen,
A freakin pen,
It was my first day in that school,
It only got worse from their,
Anything would make this woman mad,
From getting an answer wrong to wearing the wrong ponytail,
Nothing could make her happy,

When I was eleven,
I published my first story online,
Even family laughed at me,
They said no one would like my work,
And when I got a call from a publishing house to publish in their magazine weekly,
They didn't want me to accept it,
Saying that it was a waste of my time,
That I should focus more on school,

I took it,
They thought I was a fool,
But I kept on going,

When I was fifteen,
I wrote my first poem,
And when I said I was going to publish in an anthology,
They called me a liar,
Saying my work could have not been that great,

But what is the point of telling you all this,
The point is,
That people will hurt you at every step of your life,
And then when you're successful,
Open their hands and ask for their share,
People are mean,
People take enjoyment in hurting others,

My wings were bleeding,
They had so many cuts,
And when I tried to fly,
It hurt so much,
And when I rebuilt them,
They tried to cut them again,
But their scissors broke,
Because I built them out of gold
Hey y'all,
How are ya?
This was so painful to write like I legit started crying.
Sabene Dec 2020
They assigned us our gender at birth,
As if it were the only thing that mattered,
Those were the first shackles confined to us,
You were three when you heard the words men don't cry,
I was eight when I heard,
You are a girl you can't do that,
On and on they tied more chains to us,
We were bleeding,
Our souls were screaming,
But no words escaped our mouths,

They made fun of us when we were just kids and they were grown adults,
They said were your role models,
Little did they know,
Those same people that they called role models,
They added more shackles,
Shackles that were so heavy for our small bodies,
But we carried them along with every thing else,

Walking home from school,
We heard the Aunties talking behind our backs,
Some said it to our faces,
Lose some weight,
Girls aren't supposed to be tall,
Boys don't sing,
Boys are supposed to be tough,

Boys shouldn't,
Girls shouldn't,
Boys don't,
Girls don't,
That's all we heard,
We wanted to scream,
But we couldn't,

They cut our wings,
And then burnt them right infront if our very eyes,
Tears shed from those eyes,
But we were quiet,

At night when it was silent,
And everyone was asleep,
We couldn't fall asleep,
Those racing thoughts in our head,
The dreams we locked up pounded to get out,
The screams trapped inside if us,
All came at night,
You weeped ever so quietly,
That no one could hear you,
So that to anyone listening it was dead quiet,

Why you ask,
Why were we quiet,
Because they were our elders,
We expected them to guide us,
But they did the opposite,
They tied us,
Beat us,
And when we showed them the blood,
They ignored it,
They blamed us for the blood they caused,
And then they wonder why we end our lives,

Death so silent,
It reminds us of us,
We stayed quiet to keep our elders pleased,
And death so silent to keep us at ease,
But sometimes it will whisper you are free,
Only to find broken shagments of a soul that was once there
Hey y'all. How are ya?
Sabene Dec 2020
To my soul mate,
I know times may be tough,
And there comes a time when you are all alone,
Where days go by without a smile,
Where the bottle is all you have to drown your sorrows,
You get up to the sound of an alarm everyday,
Going to a place you don't even like,
A place where you aren't appreciated,
You want to leave,
But you hold it together,
Just a few more months you tell yourself,

At night as you lie awake,
Hearing the clock tick,
You remember me,
You want to tell me things,
Things that you don't even want to tell yourself,
Nightmares that you feel only I can free you from,

But those nightmares aren't what your truly scared of,
Are they?
What you're truly scared of is being loveless in this world,
How your shoulders carry the fear and burden of the seven suns I truly wonder,
Your mom is the only person there,
And your scared to lose her,
Because you feel as if she is the only one that loves you without condition,

It's true though,
This world is cruel and selfish,
People will lie to you,
Make you think they're me,
But they're not,
And when you find out,
Your heart shatters into a million pieces,

But you,
You don't let it end you
You pick up those pieces,
Your hands bleed,
But you fix your heart again,
Like the million times you have before,

Those nightmares often seem to lock you inside a metal box,
That you can't seem to let anyone enter,
And the box becomes smaller and smaller,
Until you are drowning in your own blood,
Those nightmares make you feel like I don't exist,
That God really set you on this path alone,

But that simply isn't true,
I'm here,
And darling,
I can promise you whether I am with you or not,
There will always be someone to fill that spot,
Until I can fill it forever,
And I promise you when I meet you,
Ill replace that glass heart of yours with gold,
So that no one may shatter it ever again
Hello ppl,
I was laying in bed when the sentences maybe I'm not ready to meet them yet and there will always be someone to love you popped up into my head and there are the inspiration behind this post.
  Dec 2020 Sabene
Himangshu Singh
there's happiness
and there's sorrow.

there's life
and there's regret.

there's sin
and there's confession.

there's me
and there's poetry.
poetry is not an escape anymore
it's the way I live now
Sabene Dec 2020
I faced the world at a young age,
I found those dearest to me to be complete strangers,
Society tried to cut me wings,
And when they grew back,
They burnt them,
And then left me injured alone,
To die,

I remember sitting alone in the dead of the night with my burnt wings,
Nothing but ashes surrounding me,
Scar tissue forming,
Blood falling,
Heavy breathing,
So much pain,
It wouldn't stop,
I couldn't breathe,
I couldn't breathe no matter how hard I tried,
I tried to scream for help,
But no sound came,
It felt like I was drowning in my own tears,
Chest rising and falling,
Each breath felt as if it was the last,

But no I couldn't let them win,
Not like this,
They thought I was dead,
I was alive,

I'm pretty sure death was sitting waiting for me to die,
But I was so stubborn,
I chose to stand,
No matter how bad it hurt,
I walked,
A trail of blood formed behind me,

My wings were gone,
But that wasn't going to stop me,
I built my own wings,
Built them out of gold,
So that no one could cut them again,
No one could burn them again,

My dreams are my own,
And I am never going to give up on them,
I look at the trail of blood,
That has long faded,
And it reminds me how strong I am,
And that your dreams are yours to achieve,
Don't believe a word they tell you,
How dare they try to cut your wings,
How dare they let their own get cut,

Let me leave you with this,
Fly darling,
Reach for the highest sky,
And then space,

Your wings are your own,
And if you don't have them,
Build them,
No matter how long it takes
Hey y'all. Hope you enjoy this piece. Follow my insta for more @poetrybysabene
Sabene Dec 2020
I'm less upset about the fact that you lied to me,
And more upset about the fact that you wasted my time,
My time,
The most expensive thing I own,
You're a smart thief,
Taking the thing I value the most,
The thing I have the least of,

What did you think it would work on me,
Me whose been lied to and cheated so many times that I can tell a lie from a truth in an instant,
The only thing that hurts is that I didn't find out sooner,

And when I called you out on it,
You tried to lie again,
What good was it?
Didn't you know we were done for,

You don't think I found out what you wanted after that first lie,
The lie that ended it all,
The lie that showed just how rotten your soul was,

The lie that made me end it all,
That's right,
I ended it,
Not you,
Because what is gold compared to street trash,
No wonder why no one wanted to talk to you,

Now I wonder was your illness also a lie,
A deceit,
A way to trick someone,

To hell with you,
Let me leave with this,
I am a Phoenix,
I am reborn from my own ashes,
That is the power I hold,
To give the gift of life at will,
To heal,
To become a flame so powerful that it has the power to heal but also the power to destroy,
That is what I am,

The time spent with you was a mistake,
And one I have dearly learnt from
Hey y'all. How are ya?
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