The silence says more than you can ever realize.
You caught me by surprise and hurt by them lies.
I know you couldn't see my cries but my cries were genuine as my love was. Loving you has never been easy but has been painful. The pain drowns what could be a beautiful love. The toxicity has blurred the place of love.

Don't get me wrong the times shared are something that I'll never trade but memories fade. Love will forever be inside me but won't be the same as nothing ever will be. We both had a hand in the conclusions of what has taken place. I've forever seen the pain in your eyes but back then I was too into self.

As you get older and grow things come different for you. Growth and maturity plays a big part in our lives.
We can't expect everything to be the same, when we're aren't the same. Open your mind not keep our minds closed. Matrimony is sacred until that bond is broken. Once the trust is gone there's nothing left.

Your words spoken from anger and pain are more true than you realize. The truth comes from one in pain because they can feel it deeply inside them.
Never deny what's true to settle for something that's not meant for you. Accept what's taken place and what you're feeling and move forward.

I’ve got this massive ego
I need to deflate
Or else the only
time I’ll finish is when I *******
There’s apologies I have to make
But should they be heard
Should I write him or
send a bird
I might explode if I go unheard

But I should probably mind my business
So his baby mama won’t witness
The weakness we might share
What if the spark is still there
I’m not prepared, in fact I’m scared
His two beautiful daughters
don’t need to see that daddy still cares
Not just for their mama
But for someone whose not there

As far as I know
He’s unaware of how much I care
How sorry I’ve become
Don’t see myself being welcomed
Into his arms, into his home
****** up my chance
Now I wake up and feel alone
I want to atone

I pray she brings you misery
And you tire of her company
Like this fool broke his promise
Of matrimony..
I’m tired of being lonely

I’m tired of being late
So I lay awake
After I *******
I ask myself
Why did I wait?
Maybe I wasn’t ready
I think of him now
And I can’t keep my hand steady
Stare at the ceiling till my eyes grow heavy

The wettest of dreams
when I wake it isn’t as real as it seems

My heart sinks

It’s been so long.
Maybe it needed to go wrong
So I could write this sad song
Maybe I needed to get hurt
So I could see how much I treated you like dirt..

Are you listening to the whispers? are you feeling scandalised?
Harbouring ***** little feelings that you wanna sanitise?
Walk through the swinging doors of a catholic franchise
Ask em for that sailors knot a black-n-white man-ties

To the pairs of prying eyes his practical rebuke
Is a marital disguise and a tactical puke
Throw the garter ‘mongst the pigeons, the voluntary victims...
Whose single minds are filled with matrimonial conviction

Paired up poets pool their miseries; the price of art
Each miserable synergy - the sum of its parts
Did he swear that he’d hold you ever dear to his heart?
To love and to cherish til your knees did part?

If she wants you like her father and you want her like your mother
What the hell are you gonna do when you’re bored of one another?

There she stands on ceremony all silk and sinew
While the vow evicted from his Adam’s apple continues
To stutter as the panic builds like stifled farts
Til it splutters its devotions on her lady parts

Her eyes sentence you to sit though your neck-hairs stand
She’s the ****** ****** written in the lines on your palm
Old scores squeeze sideways through her gritted teeth
And he takes on the debt of every promise she believed

Hide the love-bites in a polo-neck, your love life in a Rolodex
When the ***** hand of happen-stance runs its evil down your keks
Cos like the indelible digits on your bathroom mirror
Love is for life until you dress it with liquor

If she wants you like her father and you want her like your mother
What the hell are you gonna do when you’re bored of one another?

We are but experiments, seven billion shades of wrong
The clever ones stay celibate, the others pass it on
That’s an easy line to settle-on in present company
Single-riders in the peloton to pick up the debris

before quiet fathers
and weeping mothers
gentle sisters
stalwart brothers
 
before tying up
all loose ends
before small children
before friends
 
before sweet days
that lie ahead
the years of laughter
tears, and strength
 
before jubilant sun
that brightly sings
before melting snow
and newborn spring
 
before soft grass
and fragrant earth
before times of joy
sorrow, mirth
 
before the road
we stand as two
becoming one
(i do, i do)

I can't walk into flower shops anymore because all I can smell is the rose that you wore on your lapel the day that you swore you'd love me forever. That was the last time I'd ever wear white. Now I can't think of you without having to swallow back the combined taste of bile and venom. You were everything I thought I wanted wrapped into the most beautiful form of lucifer that I had ever seen. Our first dance wasn't to my favorite song but to the sound of nails on a chalkboard and I still don't know how I missed it. You are the reason I envy snakes and their ability to shed their skin. More than anything I just want to live in a skin that you never had a chance to soil. Instead of being my lighthouse; my beacon of hope- you were the storm dragging me under the waves, drowning out any hopes of a safe return.

-o.m.h

"Can you not stay alone
  and be with me and take on
  the world as what we should be
  claiming what the Creator promised us free.

  Take my hand and let me
  lead you to a trail we
  sought after a life of bitter and sweet
  because only our First Love made us complete."

I tried telling her
Of my life's wisdom and notions of fetters.

She relayed to me
Visions of nothing less than ecstasy.

I bemoaned where I went wrong
She said I'd been ******* a loser ****.

She seemed so happy
I shrugged and agreed
If they weren't ******* me
I must be ******* them.

I lost track of that *****
But words register a score
And the more I seem to ****
The more I seem to score.

It's a *******'s life
Even if you just do it with your wife
She gets her way
Day after day
Until you may decide
Just to chop it.

Emasculation redirects
Power to new ducts
And the hammer rises
And the hammer falls.