i made the trip to our hometown
down that old street and to my old bedroom
i thought going back would help me get away
it only reminded me of you more

in my bed, it’s like muscle memory
a gentle reminder of us lying together
staring up at the plastic constellations on my ceiling
rambling how we would see the real stars in oregon

we packed our bags and headed west
following a map of state lines and truck stops
with every mile a new memory
every turn a chip in the mask

we got a cup of coffee at nancy’s diner
as the waitress poured you called her something unrepeatable
and when she spilled a little on the table
you attacked before she could say sorry

we made it to omaha at golden hour
in the hotel room, i took an unexpected polaroid of you
but not as unexpected as when you slapped it out of my hand
and told me “i don’t like surprises.”

the way i saw you was deteriorating 5 months deep
chiseling away with every backhanded comment
your silver tongue kept me around
no matter how sharp it cut

the stars started to dim out there
though i wanted them to shine forever
your virtue shattered on the dock that night
when hands reached for my face, i never turned back

i took a red eye when it hurt
there was silence throughout the plane
in my hand, fragments of stars and deceit
i keep it clenched, close to my self doubt

when you look back
do you remember the flowers through the fog of the window?
or do you just remember
the petals in the sink and the glass on the floor?

i remember your facade but try to forget
i tell myself the truth no matter how much it hurts
sometimes i can’t help myself but to think
what if we went back to the phase of the masks?

david was warning me, i didn't listen
instead i kept on running towards you
controlfreak of the netherworld, goon
my life is like a fairy tale, shimmering

invention and glory, similarly
psychopathic word play, baby doll
schizoprenic flow, i have to write
standing ovation for my family

some people have double standards
sweetlove tried to correct me;
hosting a contest about racism
playing grammar police, she was like:

"could you edit this horrible slang?"
no, it's simply the voice of many people
i demasked your entire outfit, kiddo
never ever will you hear back from me

once upon a time, i grew up, now i'm huge
tall, fat, dope, fresh, i'm *******
adjectives for my people to subsist
my life's a motion picture, get it baby

pipi langstrumpf zöpfe, du lächerliche
throw some german into the mix and be real
dinosaurs are chasing me, as long as i'm on it
paranoia guardians, copycat killers, word

livelong sessions, i'm not hiding myself
behind the mask is a good-hearted sicko
a sick, good-hearted person, no doubt
broad-shouldered and i stick my chest out

And in the middle of the night
when your thoughts
comes up
of the darkest and most stormy
to the most sentimental
revealed by your
darker side

Who are you, really?
hiding
behind a mask
lower your guard
reveal your real identity

Ever feel useless
Like the words spilling unevenly off the page

Feeling inclined to do so
Overlooking all you have done
Only contributing to a blank page

The urge to be pulled up
Lifted away by an illusion
One that we can not see unmasked
But still run for cover around the corner
Waiting for the knock
The sting and strain do not go away
Taking a few breaths to keep moving

Eyes shut unmoved waiting for the light show
To distract and conduct the chaos
That falls to your knees as the light show ends

Now face to face with the masked figure

Standing ground
Feet planted unable
Unwilling to be lifted as they rise

Face to face
Admiring the deep disfigurement
Trying to decipher the eyes behind the facade
The mask comes loose

Only to see the crimson eyes  
Of someone scared to reveal themselves any further
than they allowed

The space between
Now gone
Welcoming the warmth
With a smile the masked figure is gone

Catch that lost breath
Return the forgotten pase
Pick up the pieces and make them mean something