"I quit."

The times I uttered these words
Were the times I doubted
Anything that happened,
And everything that could happen.

I quit.

I quit trying to lead a life
Where I feel insignificant,
Almost as if unwanted,
And endless thoughts of how to end this.

I quit.
I want to end this.
Make it stop.
I quit.

waffles, waffles a real great treat.
I cook them for breakfast as their fun to eat.
Buttery and light, my taste buds take flight.
In fact, I just might eat them tonight!

We have a sense of belonging
I am always longing
For much more beyond the human comprehension
Something always grabs my attention
Dispersing me from what's important
But I'm a loose ***** on the course of what is important and isn't
Even the words on the paper don't always convince me
Sometimes I get a square one hunch
And just want to feed myself a lunch
That will nurture me in a way that will benefit me.

My teacher asked all to write a poem
and to turn it in before the class ends
I don't know what to write about
except what others may
so I tell you this
that I do like this assignment
yet I don't because I can't just write a poem from thin air
for something must come to me
I am slowing down for I do not know
what else to write
I can tell you this
that this is an hour where I become hungry,
sometimes very hungry that
my stomach growls when its silent
dead silent
I guess I have more to write about than I thought
Then again its just thoughts that are coming
to my mind and spilling on to this sheet of paper
now full of words
the class is almost over
making the time fly by writing
I don't know how to end this poem
except say a few more words
one hour closer to lunch

Scramble, ramble... breakfast
These are activities when I enjoy breakfast

Crunch, munch... lunch
These are sounds when I eat lunch

Simmer, stir... dinner
These are the things that occur when I cook dinner

But in the end
Food is food
So we are all a winner

I am obsessed with my health. Not just simply my health, but my weight, and my eating habits, and my view on life and myself. I am so obsessed that it has now gotten to the point where it is all I think about, and it has become obvious to everyone around me.

I can tell you which lunch ladies at my school won't question your lunch choices, which teachers will let you sit in their classrooms during lunch because you don't want to be around anyone or food; I have memorized restaurant menus, and I can tell you the meals with the lowest amounts of calories. My photo gallery is full of screenshots of healthy, low calorie, low fat, no-sugar recipes that I intend to make when I choose. I follow 177 eating disorders blogs on Tumblr. One of them being my girlfriend, and I get notifications when all of them post anything new. I weigh myself everyday, I know what I am eating two days from now, I overexercise, and I can tell you how many calories are in the 6 200mg ibuprofen I take everyday before facing the world.

I have lost 20 lbs. That doesn't seem like something worth keeping to myself, but it is when you are a high school girl; it is when all girls think the same, and suddenly when they hear numbers, they want to be number 1; they want to be the lowest, to be the winner, to be the most miserable person.

I can tell you exactly what it feels like to be embarrassed of being in your own skin.

I love giving other people food because I want them to remember that food is good for them. I want them to feel as though being given food is a kind gesture, not a last resort.

i made you
a sandwich; it's
in the icebox.

i was worried
you'd get hungry.

i remembered
to put your
favorite
things in it,
so please
eat it.

two men
outside a starbucks
chainsmoking through
a saturday lunch

the sun is up
melting the snow at my feet
i wait for a bus that never comes