I can’t get your words out of my head
Syllable by syllable I’ve reread
Them a dozen times,
And now I contemplate why
And how I never knew
You felt how I do.

Zoloft,
This is a love letter.
Please do not get this confused.
You & my serotonin became infused.
I love you,
But I love you not.
It's almost like my old self,
That I forgot.

You take away the pain.
Only some of it,
The rest remains.

But I love you more than you know,
You've helped me in ways that don't show.

You are the drug that I've been chasing
Coke,
Acid,
Alcohol,
Need some replacin'..

But-
I hate your manipulation,
The way you think I need you,
Everyday,
No hesitation.

You starve me.
You beat me.
Make me physically weak..

But instead of leaving you,
I take you everyday,
Every week.

Because of you,
I've stopped & smelled the roses,
Had my first smile in awhile,
Took some pictures,
Held some poses.

But yet,
I know this can't go on forever.

I'm not sure when our last kiss will be,
Sometimes I only feel you & me,
Other times I feel the urge to leave

But I'll stay with you for now,
Because I don't know better.

The only reason I'm alive,
Is because you help me survive.

Love,

Why don’t you come already?
My patience is frail;
Breathing its last moments.

Waiting for you
Has made this woman
Intolerable to herself;
And staring at the moon
While its not out many nights
Is no longer a bandage

When you’re met by the tree out front
With bottles for leaves
Don’t be disheartened
To see you often,
I switched water for my kickstarter

Please,

Get on the road already
Its now winter
The sun is no longer bothersome
I’ll hold out till summer
So I’ll be ready with a bouquet
I can give you that much time.

The gifts you sent
Have lived many lives
And their ghosts,
Are on every corner of the house
Telling me they’re impatient to leave

When you’re met by many holes on the lawn
We’ll patch them after we’ve kissed
Long after we’ve had many kisses

you call me a coward
for confessing my heart
through a piece of paper
rather than with my lips
perhaps because
ink dries much faster
than these tears do
acetone can disguise the truth
at the tip of my ballpoint pen
and paper may be shredded
for these feelings to not exist

you tell me all the ways that you love
and it chills me
to think you're thinking so much of me
while i'm still picking up the pieces
trying to breathe

i was so sore
from all the bruising that love gave me
in that aching breaking nonsense of before
broken beyond the broken of a time
before i met you

but it feels so warm when i call you baby
to call you nightly
to be calling you at all
and so comforting for me to need you so deeply
want you so freely
to let loving you be all that keeps me
warmer now
and closer than
i've ever been
to feeling so sure

Your heart has grown cold,
This love is bad for my health.
I felt rejected, felt unwanted, felt unneeded so I,
Wrote a love letter to myself.

How ironic,
To write poetry
That speaks of
Love
As if it were a familiar friend.
I write the thoughts too large and complex to store in my head alone.
I have not yet found
'My person.'
But I write as if we have known each other forever.
Maybe,
In the end there is no one for me.
But until hope is lost,
I write about you.
A person that I haven't met.

My person.