Dread brought out from my forest of feelings.
I order myself around, head down, don't show your blush, your face is flushed, they're gone now look up.
Yes.
I have a crush; But this isn't just a crush its a crime, against God, my mother, that girl who just said gross.
More orders.
Sit down, look away as she smiles in your face because you will only fall harder for her.
Oh, how I wish I could touch her hair and see if its really as soft as it looks.
her eyes are so inviting and they seem deeper than the ocean.
Flawless or flaw filled skin I Don't care!
All I see is a beautiful girl that will never be mine, on the sidelines is where I stand at the dance.
Waiting for a dance with her that will never happen.
Just another to the puzzle and I'm exactly the perfect fit for a best friend just not a girlfriend.
Those eyes.
So full of wonder and joy but mine only filled with pain because she doesn't  feel the same as I do.
Sit down, don't look around, don't breathe in her flowery scent as if is your last breath.
The roses only bloom in the spring but she is a rose of another breed, blossoming into the most beautiful flower all year round.
Slim fingers for a warm embrace, oh if I could trace the lines in her face I would remove every frustration.
Her mind is as beautiful as she, knowledge filled, ready to build up walls to keep everything out.
I want to tear down them down, see her frown turn up. My orders.
No!
Don't touch her rosy cheeks, stop trying to peak at her smile, when she asks you what's wrong brush it off!
If we could just go back to first grade where I first fell for her I would never have said hello.
Kept my mouth shut and taught my heart to do the same.
Most say that I'm confused and that I can never truly understand love but I do.
I love her!
My Final orders.
Be a Good Friend.
Don't cry.
Don't let her see you pain

Age is a timeless prospect.
Youth refolds into a thick mold,
Heavy and demanding
But continuously folding matted knowledge.

Forgiveness
A steady, strong suit handed out to each player
When it's true form is the rarest form
Of acceptance.

A fighter must be as sharp and as slick as a blade,
To be as critical and focused
As a bullet leaving the carrier when aimed
But not as deadly.

There will always be a balance
Nature runs on a cycle that all fumble on
In the arise of dust left behind;

In its presence
Becoming lost is about as natural as the cycle itself -
An obstacle can be overcome
In the way that a challenge lights a fire
In pride,
All must accept;
Smoke clouds are blinding
Having the urgency to defend
The drive to push harder may as well be lost too.

In the midst of a cloud
A branch could very well be a snake.

i don't know what to do,
i have just ended my life,
hope was never here, at home,
i never thought this would've scarred me;
this hard,
ouch that hurt,
you hurt me forever and there is no remedy
to the tragedy you've created,
just leave me alone, let me die,
******* die, with no one to help,
i don't know anymore,
i want to name you, but i can't,
thank you for this plague, nothing worse;
than this.

Agony of memories shackled in soul
Loss of control

Cult raised isolation bred within youth
Eureka of truth

Abandoned by love own motherhood start
Burden of heart

Maternal disease and death's lengthy fight
Daytime to night

Caring in vain is like tightening rope
Grasping for hope

Sweet child now mortal illness attacked
Mind being racked

No support acquaintance or true friend
Alone till end

Questioning Deity in trial with doubt
Childish I pout

Weakness in battle spirit slowly died
Strength not inside

Broken wondering why His small pawn
Can't carry on

A battle always fought
To my heart's content I lost
My brain would rejoice in defeat
I would gather strength to retreat

Divided, I fight
In a pitiful plight
That no one even cares
Not a single cheer you will hear

Like a jester I joke
About my caustic yoke
I make light out of the matter
And every one replies with laughter

Proud of my achievement
I wail in disappointment
But still smiling I weep
For this to myself I keep

My last hope shattered
No where to be found
Like tattered cloth i'm worthless
Just some *** lying around

Clenching my face
I don't know what to do
I can't do anything
To stop this wound

Like migraine I kneel
Pray to stop the pain
A wall was my answer
Streaming blood my gain

Tired I lie
On the ground while I weep
But laughing comes life
With a deal that I must keep

To forever wander
In this forsaken world forever
To bear burden for no one
And cower in fear of others

Hopeless I accept
the terms and agreement
To lock myself forever
In this caustic life of terror

All of this torment
I did not consent
In all this suffering
There is no comforting
In all this despair
No one cares
In this grief
I get no relief
I am so spent
More than bent
In all this pain
I am not sane
In all this anguish
I just languish
It's pure desolation
If I failed to mention
With no more hope
I only cope

Just here on the verge of tears.
Wondering when it'll go away.
If it'll ever go away.
I don't need it.
I want it.
Will I survive?
Probably.
Do I want to?
That's a different story.

Red and white
Head feeling lite
Sweetness of tear
Showing all fear
Scream so silent
Making it violent
Metal to skin
Will never win
Pill to lips
Scars on hips
Hands hold rope
Strangling last hope
Sleep long forgotten
Thoughts so rotten
Food like poison
Trap like prison
Life crumble away
Sanity won't stay
Ghostly last breath
Now welcomes death