Age is a timeless prospect.
Youth refolds into a thick mold,
Heavy and demanding
But continuously folding matted knowledge.

Forgiveness
A steady, strong suit handed out to each player
When it's true form is the rarest form
Of acceptance.

A fighter must be as sharp and as slick as a blade,
To be as critical and focused
As a bullet leaving the carrier when aimed
But not as deadly.

There will always be a balance
Nature runs on a cycle that all fumble on
In the arise of dust left behind;

In its presence
Becoming lost is about as natural as the cycle itself -
An obstacle can be overcome
In the way that a challenge lights a fire
In pride,
All must accept;
Smoke clouds are blinding
Having the urgency to defend
The drive to push harder may as well be lost too.

In the midst of a cloud
A branch could very well be a snake.

i don't know what to do,
i have just ended my life,
hope was never here, at home,
i never thought this would've scarred me;
this hard,
ouch that hurt,
you hurt me forever and there is no remedy
to the tragedy you've created,
just leave me alone, let me die,
******* die, with no one to help,
i don't know anymore,
i want to name you, but i can't,
thank you for this plague, nothing worse;
than this.

Agony of memories shackled in soul
Loss of control

Cult raised isolation bred within youth
Eureka of truth

Abandoned by love own motherhood start
Burden of heart

Maternal disease and death's lengthy fight
Daytime to night

Caring in vain is like tightening rope
Grasping for hope

Sweet child now mortal illness attacked
Mind being racked

No support acquaintance or true friend
Alone till end

Questioning Deity in trial with doubt
Childish I pout

Weakness in battle spirit slowly died
Strength not inside

Broken wondering why His small pawn
Can't carry on

A battle always fought
To my heart's content I lost
My brain would rejoice in defeat
I would gather strength to retreat

Divided, I fight
In a pitiful plight
That no one even cares
Not a single cheer you will hear

Like a jester I joke
About my caustic yoke
I make light out of the matter
And every one replies with laughter

Proud of my achievement
I wail in disappointment
But still smiling I weep
For this to myself I keep

My last hope shattered
No where to be found
Like tattered cloth i'm worthless
Just some *** lying around

Clenching my face
I don't know what to do
I can't do anything
To stop this wound

Like migraine I kneel
Pray to stop the pain
A wall was my answer
Streaming blood my gain

Tired I lie
On the ground while I weep
But laughing comes life
With a deal that I must keep

To forever wander
In this forsaken world forever
To bear burden for no one
And cower in fear of others

Hopeless I accept
the terms and agreement
To lock myself forever
In this caustic life of terror

All of this torment
I did not consent
In all this suffering
There is no comforting
In all this despair
No one cares
In this grief
I get no relief
I am so spent
More than bent
In all this pain
I am not sane
In all this anguish
I just languish
It's pure desolation
If I failed to mention
With no more hope
I only cope

Just here on the verge of tears.
Wondering when it'll go away.
If it'll ever go away.
I don't need it.
I want it.
Will I survive?
Probably.
Do I want to?
That's a different story.

Red and white
Head feeling lite
Sweetness of tear
Showing all fear
Scream so silent
Making it violent
Metal to skin
Will never win
Pill to lips
Scars on hips
Hands hold rope
Strangling last hope
Sleep long forgotten
Thoughts so rotten
Food like poison
Trap like prison
Life crumble away
Sanity won't stay
Ghostly last breath
Now welcomes death

I wanted to go everywhere with you,
to dive into your past, the beautiful and the *****.
To meet every version of self you have ever been.
I wanted to see your frosting stained smile
on your 8th birthday. To know you when
innocence and hope still reigned.
I wanted to hear your midnight laughter on an
ordinary Tuesday in California. To sit on the floor in
that apartment that you couldn't afford to furnish.
I wanted to walk hand in hand
through the years of your life.

And when my curiosity had been sated
with endless waves of knowledge of you,
I had hoped you would've liked to
walk through my stories.
To meet the now-gone women
who molded my soul and gifted me with
love and a sarcastic sense of humor.
I wanted you to greedily feast upon all my days gone by.

Armed with an overwhelming acceptance of one another,
I hoped we would embark on a path we forged together.
I dreamt that when I savored pasta in Venice,
I would look up to see you sitting across the table.
I imagined that your smile was the last delight
I would feel before I slowly drifted to sleep in Amsterdam.
I thought the next time I dove under a salty wave,
It would be you at my side.

I wanted to experience every taste, every touch
and every breath with you standing next to me.
For, life was more beautiful with your hand in mine.
You were my welcome rose-colored glasses,
now laying shattered on the floor.

Without you I see the world in
all of its harsh grotesqueness.
Without your cloud of sweetness,
My past pain and horror yet unknown
have taken on new strength.

I now only wish to travel back to the time,
when I thought I had a chance with your heart.