I was very nervous
This was my first time
I was unsure of my actions
But I did it anyways

We weren't that close
Just about right
But something inside me was off
I could feel it bubbling inside

We started to joke around
Innocent chatter
But as time passed
This feeling grew bigger

We went to a friends house
School work as usual
But something was off
She wasn't her usual self

Blood pumping faster
Sweat starting to form
My brain was still working
But my body loosing control

Beside each other about to sleep
My mind blurring
My body turning
My heart pounding

Her soft skin touching against mine
Silk black hair smothered in my face
Her figure was small, tiny perhaps
She fit perfectly in my embrace

Hands holding at the end
Tighter and tighter
I could hear our breathing
And hearts beating together

I was very nervous
This was my first time
I was unsure of my actions
But I did it anyways

Youre triggered everyday
I dont think you even care anyway
That whenever I try to explain why
You dont bother batting an eye

Youre quick to assume
So slow to say hmm
You always hit me
But never say sorry

When I do you bad
Punishment awaits
When the opposite happens
“Sorry my mistake!"

You never ponder
Why I always want to slumber
In my own world
That you always want to crumble

I came from your womb
Dont get me wrong
I respected you once
But now its almost gone

You give me blessings
I dont even ask
You show me kindness
Even though it doesnt last

I dont know if you love me
Even though you show it
But not once
have i heard you say it

Youre very kind to me
But hardly understand me
I dont know if youre for real
Or you just want to play me

It hurts to doubt
I cant say it from my mouth
My love for you is in drought
And i think its about to run out

I dont want to do this
It hurts mecto do so
But i need hope
A reason not to let go

To continue
Even though it hurts
To try
That My hope for you will convert

One day a bee
Was flying happily
By a meadow curiously
He saw a sunflower
Shone brightly

Bewitched he flew closer
To the beautiful splendor
Of which was simply was
An elegant little flower

They chatted all day
With no obstacles in their way
Until night came
Then everything changed

The peculiar flower had to go
But with no goodbye to go
She just closed up where she was
And not a single stop or pause

Sadly, the bee left
Leaving the flower he just met
Thinking to himself that time
I'll try harder next time

Would it be alright
For you to be by my side
For you to be my bride
To be with you, till the end of time

Would it be alright
To yearn for your touch
To seek you when I'm lost
To replace what I've lost

Would it be alright
To brush the tears off your cheek
To become your light when in need
To carry you and sweep you off your feet

Would it be alright
To finally hold you in my arms
To be able to keep you out of harms
And be your shelter in the storms

Would I be alright
If this were all true
But then I wake up
And realize, it was just a ruse

A battle always fought
To my heart's content I lost
My brain would rejoice in defeat
I would gather strength to retreat

Divided, I fight
In a pitiful plight
That no one even cares
Not a single cheer you will hear

Like a jester I joke
About my caustic yoke
I make light out of the matter
And every one replies with laughter

Proud of my achievement
I wail in disappointment
But still smiling I weep
For this to myself I keep

My last hope shattered
No where to be found
Like tattered cloth i'm worthless
Just some *** lying around

Clenching my face
I don't know what to do
I can't do anything
To stop this wound

Like migraine I kneel
Pray to stop the pain
A wall was my answer
Streaming blood my gain

Tired I lie
On the ground while I weep
But laughing comes life
With a deal that I must keep

To forever wander
In this forsaken world forever
To bear burden for no one
And cower in fear of others

Hopeless I accept
the terms and agreement
To lock myself forever
In this caustic life of terror

You may know me by name
But you dont know me by who I am
Im like a caterpillar gone wrong
I grew wings but my body is still the same

I was always a mistake
Nothing more that I can do
The fear that I would break
And no one to hold on to

I hate people
But im scared to be alone
I need help
But I shun everyone I know

I dont want to be a burden
It scares me the most
Good thing im never noticed
Im treated like a ghost

I dont need help
But please help me
Im flawed and ignorant
But please still save me

Go away you might get hurt
Please stay, im all alone
Youre wasting your time
Please youre all i have

You'll just be annoyed
Im soo sorry
Youre efforts are worthless
Please forgive me!

If you leave its fine
Another failed attempt
No one can help me
I wonder if someone can?

Im a failure
Why I am I like this?
Theres no hope
I never wanted this
Give up
Why?
You'll save yourself

We were friends
With normal everyday lives
We talked sometimes
And said our goodbyes

We shared some memories
And we had little history
But I was happy
That you were my company

You make me smile stupidly
You make me hum happily
You make me nervous crazily
You make me love you endlessly

My plan for two
They were me and you
To take your hand
And have your first dance

Take the step
Take your hand
Just listen to the music
While I lead this dance


The thought gives me jitters
The butterflies start to flutter
Excited as I could be
But I still manage to fail miserably

A dream that could turn into reality
Shattered by my fear of you rejecting me

We hardly talk now
We hardly see each other too
I wish I could've been better,
Better at being the one for you