Pain comes through
as a growing stain,
among these immaculate
puddles, where a reflection
ought to always reveal
all I've concealed.

I beg to be released,
to be understood for a wrong
I've been challenging.

I beg to be noticed
even as a ghost in your
bedroom of shadows.

It took you ten days to ruin my life,
In the most tragically beautiful way.
I regret nothing,
For you have shown me everything,
And yet, there’s still more to learn.
I see you everywhere, in everything—
All the little things bring me joy,
beauty, and love.

You are my muse.
All these things and more,
I want to share, with you,
But for now, I will have to show
your Ghost.

The first ten minutes of every twilight morning since,
I could almost convince myself,
you’re still here.
The pillows in the night
shift just so, and feel like
my head on your chest,
entwined—feet, legs, arms, hands, fingers—
until I reach out
and remember,
you’re a Ghost.

The last ten minutes of each dragging day
are the hardest.
Darkness is comforting;
for in the dark, your Ghost still looks back,
unyielding, vivid, carried forward,
with every breath
I take.

I’ll wait for ten thousand years,
but, hopefully,
it doesn’t take that long.

Would you teach me how to love a little –
even for the little bit of the time we actually have,
right before you have to let me go…

Even if we end all things being mean to each other
could we share one final kiss, as if the spark of
our love still flickers; to know what love means –

Grant me a love that can lift these tears; pulling the
daggers out from my heart, just to etch your
memory on my skin – even when we’re no longer
connected, these tight knots in my chest suffocate me!

You have such a hold on me
That kind of hold that doesn’t fade
No matter how many years
We’ve been apart

If I had to choose someone
I would’ve chosen you
I still might choose you
But I’m confused

And then I think about that hold
And all the memories we’ve shared
And I know no matter how far
Every single second of every single day

I do

Nature's Retreat

My heart sings songs parallel to the dance of rain
Where lyrics speak true to nature's mighty chorus
Of colorful leaves burned from early frost
Where green becomes gold and gold turns to red
And the animals, both big and small, hurry to get to bed

My heart speaks to these changes all around me
Embracing Fortuna as if she were my mother
Wishing that I, like the leaves, could also fall and be free
Released from loose bonds that sway with but a breeze
From mighty ******, third of his name, God of the wind
Who that deceitful Juno deceived, to blow steadfast
Aeneas away from hearts true love, to a bigger purpose
His own Goddess to please

Yet... It was not to be for me
Too strong were the currents from that vengeful Neptune
Who then commanded blue Oceanus to summon the monstrous gray Charybdis
Pulling down on the brown oars of my life, seeking to consume
That which I thought mine, as if spoken by an Oracle,
A future as free and varied as a rain soaked forest in fall
Before all falls to rest within the spiteful white teeth of winter
Leaving me to dance in the decay of nature's retreat

I then cry with Terra Mater, reminding her of the days
Where our hearts sang and we spoke in hushed whispers
Excited for the seasons change and the chance to rest
Yet... I am not prepared to say goodbye to her
Her beauty, to me, shines brighter than burning Sol
Me, a moth to her flame, is lost when she is away
Tormented by the memories of life living only to die
An endless cycle of pain that numbs the days spent waiting
For spring to rise once again and refresh my heart
From the desolation of the icy purgatory
And empty forests, skeletal in appearance,
A drab contrast to the songs of revival and lush trees
That are a favorite of the myriad dryads and nymphs
Whom orchestrate the natural melody of the Earth
While patiently awaiting my summer heat

I miss them like I will her, for soon I shall fall like the rain
Patiently awaiting my rebirth so that I might dance with her again

Sitting cross-legged at your site,
dreadfully admiring the grass clumps
growing disrespectfully over your plot,
as if time forgot to stop for you.
Your neighbors are encroaching closer,
becoming a sea of graves,
You’re blending in with the rest.
Crickets and birds keep chirping
while the excavator cuts through
my thoughts digging new plots.
Time and life just keep progressing
But without you, I’ve stopped.

We all live surrounded by sound,
But there are exceptions to be found,
Some folks are lucky, some are not,
Fate truly is a one big knot,

I can't believe the luck I've had,
Now searching on the internet,
I'm searching for a single clue,
How I can turn your world from blue,

Still searching deeply on my screen,
I want to turn your world all green,
Now finally an answer found,
There is no need for any sound,

I know a way to make you smile,
But it may really take a while,
How I should learn, how I should tell,
Got to say I really fell,

I fell for you, there is no lie,
It's not a lie, so tell me why,
I still can't tell you how I feel,
When all my feelings they are real,

I'd really love to learn to sign,
Truly I wish that you'd be mine,
Once I can sign, then I can speak,
All about what makes me weak,

Finally my feelings heard,
Oh, it's all just a bit absurd,
I'd sign you all the things I meant,
I wish I'd know just where you went,

Now I know sign, but I am lost,
I lost what I have loved the most,
So tell me if, oh tell me how,
Should I still live or die right now,

I wish to know just where you've gone,
I've searched for you from dusk till dawn,
And yet your body was not found,
If only then I was around,

If I were there that fateful day,
Was that truly the only way,
You could be saved, you would have lived,
I'm filled with guilt, an endless rift,

Please forgive, what others can't,
I pray for you, I send a chant,
I'm so sorry for your pain,
Forever guilty bind in chain