I know we aren't just a breath apart
Nor steps away from each other, love.
Skin to skin we barely meet
This distance is killing both you and me.
Craving for each other
Gathering cyber hugs and kisses to one another
Staring onto the screen
Waiting for each other again to meet

I know it's scaring you
That one day or soon. i'll be leaving you
That I'll be making actions that will impale you through
Leaving you marks and scars
And splash you with the colors of black and blue

Sweetheart, I want you to know that I am all yours
Your heart is m serenity and mine will always be your home
Every time we bid each other "good night"
The first and last thing I think of before I go to sleep
Is the thought of you sleeping beside me, holding me tight.

There maybe times we feel disenchantment coming our way
But look, we're still here
Stronger and happier than what we expected
Smiling all these storms away
Ignoring these thoughts that'll ruin our way.

Never think of me running away from you
For I know, my whole heart, body, and soul belongs to you
You'll always be my way home; bliss and sanctuary.

Every single day, you're always in my mind, thinking of you as always
Wanting your fingers to entertwine with mine again

Darling I am all yours
Every step you make
Every word you take
I'll be there, one step away
Each moment when I'm with you
Every hitched breathwhen you kiss me like you do.

I know this distance is killing you and me.
But don't you worry, darling
One day I'll be waking up next to you
Tangled sheets onto our resting bodies close to each other
There will be no cyber hugs and kiss anymore
But skin to skin we'll always meet.

I am all yours, love.
All yours.

It's 3 in the morning and my feet are cold.
They've managed to slip out from under the blankets and so my first instinct is to turn and hold you,
using you for mutual warmth.
But I turn and you're not there.

It's 6 in the morning and I wake up with tears rolling down my cheeks.
You've found some new girl and decided to leave- no, it was just a dream, and so my first instinct is to turn and hold you, reminding myself that you are still with me.
But I turn and you're not there.

It's 7 in the morning and my alarm goes off, my eyes blinking open.
I yawn and my first instinct is to turn and hold you, kiss your cheek and say good morning, expecting a mumble in response.
But I turn and you're not there.

You're my first instinct,
every moment of the day, I think about you,
every hour of the day, I wish to be with you.
I'll always want to turn over and see you lying next to me
But I know sometimes you can't be...

God, I miss you.
I didn't realize that I'd experience
physical pain
at being apart from you.
Who decided this?
Who decided that I'd spend the next four years
only seeing you 75% of the time
when you occupy 100% of my heart?
It's ridiculous.
Plain and simple.
I should be at your side.
It wouldn't matter what we were doing.
We should be sharing every experience,
every emotion.
Instead, we're relegated to sending
a series of 1's and 0's
that conjure an inflectionless concoction of words
that feel so vapid without a voice behind them.
And even the calls don't do you justice.
It's infuriating being unable to touch you.
To see your lips pressed against a lens
instead of feeling them pressed against mine.
The inability to reach out and touch your hand.
I'd give anything to always be by your side.
But I'm not.
God, I miss you.

Its length is known as “one year” by realists,
Also referred to as “anniversary” by idealists,
But “four seasons” is how I would like to call it
As with the passing of time I learn him bit by bit.

We met in front of Record Hall
On a rainy night and boy did I fall
For this one man named Timothy
Who approached me differently.

We first found each other online
But he was unlike the other swine
Looking for a body and easy ***,
Trying to buy me with their checks.

Plus, he did not follow the ordinary formula
Like “coffee sometime?” which is just so blah;
Rather, he proved that he had read my profile
Attentively, so I imagined he must not be vile.

He did not mention or imply anything ******,
So I started to credit him some trust accrual;
He opened us up by relating to my stories
And spoke smoothly with sarcastic ease.

I fell for his chivalry and charm
As well as his unstinted smarm,
His passion for engines and parts,
Never giving up until it all starts.

He won me over with his corny memes,
Matching weirdness, and future schemes;
His unfaltering boldness and fearlessness,
Manliness, and, in due course, closeness.

A spontaneous boy who does puzzles with me,
A romantic gentleman who invites me to the sea,
A free-spirited dude who is a spirits connoisseur,
An audacious chap who is a cooking amateur –

He has a nerdy side as he likes to figure things out.
He has a masculine side as he enjoys working out.
He has a brave side as he goes off-roading in his Jeep.
He has a sweet side as he pulls me closer in his sleep.

He slyly squeezes out my personal info
From myself and makes me go “Woah,”
As he discreetly plans adventurous trips
Which makes me want to ****** his lips.  

He is not afraid or disinclined to reveal his worries.
He is not abashed to update me on his **** stories.
He was not nervous about exposing his cover letter.
He was not anxious about taking me to his mother.

Weight? He does not ask me to gain any or lose.
Change? He needs not fix or loosen my screws.
He takes me as I am, not as a mechanical robot.
He finds sufficiency in all that I do and have got.

He does not care that I wear makeup or look like a dude.
He does not complain that I take long to finish my food.
He disregards that I do not adhere to societal standards.
He discounts that I occasionally think and act backwards.

He makes me relax and loosen up in his presence;
He emits a homely atmosphere and is my defense.  
Hell, we even start doing ***** lovey-dovey acts
Such as calling each other’s names in several packs.

He uses his witty senses to title my works,
Which, to other people, may stir up smirks,
But he does not give two ***** about them;
As long as we represent to each other, a gem.

We are compatible and agree in many manners;
We are avid Android users, not iOS supporters,
We take pleasure in dallying under the covers,
We enjoy mysteries and psychological thrillers.

We follow a handful of seasonal anime together
And we tend to swiftly marathon them altogether.
We even have our own convenient organization
In times when we watch anime together in elation.

He asks, “wanna watch” when there is an update
And picks a title; I agree and say “ready” and wait;
He says “go,” I thumb him, we watch simultaneously;
Then, whoever finishes first sends a thumb amiably.

He tries to pass time with me after work so demanding
So he sometimes falls asleep and leaves me hanging.
However, he impresses me in still choosing to be dutiful
All the while exhibiting humanness, which is beautiful.

I am pleased that we have similar likes and interests,
Glad that both tally with “real love will stand any tests,”
Blessed that both are open to expressing affection,
Thankful that we are looking in the same direction.

Even apart, I admire his strong patience,
Extending over many hours and nations!
Oh, I almost forgot – he is also tall and fit;
The more I think, he has it all – you name it!

The list of what I love about him keeps growing,
With things to cherish constantly overflowing;
I cannot expect more or imagine anyone better,
So I find myself dedicating to him this love letter.

Gosh, how I miss our sessions of wine and cheese,
Cinematic baths and interlacing, candlelit bodies,
Our woolgathering moaning and perspiring mess,
Many nameless moments and silent togetherness!

April 6, 2015, on OkCupid, he gave me a look;
April 11, 2015, he “friended” me on Facebook;
April 15, 2015, he suggested meeting up to study;
April 18, 2015, he dated me and became cuddly.

All this from last year… one year forward, today,
We are still together and have not gone astray –
As long-term and long-distance partners, we are
In the hardest, yet happiest, relationship by far!

Distance means nothing when there is a way:
Highways, waterways, and airways tying us.

If there is road, I will take it.
If there is a fence, I will climb over it.
Whatever obstacle, I will brave it.

Nothing is stopping us, so why hold back?

Distance is nothing when we are connected:
Communication flowing between us.

Mountains of messages over a bad network.
Stacks of exchanged pictures via unstable Wi-Fi.
Piles of shared links in low connectivity.

Nothing is impossible, so why surrender?

Distance is nothing when we feel and value:
The joy in our hearts over the absence of our bodies.

My chest grows florets when you say hi.
My heartstrings intertwine when you video call.
My mind dances when we watch together.

Nothing is lacking, so why forsake?

After all, it is distance that unites us.
And that is a beautiful oxymoron.

I miss you, I want to see you. But not because it’s “couple season” – not because it’s cold and gloomy and city lights explode with hands conjoined. You are worth more than the missed holidays, more than the occasions spent without us being in the company of one another: Hallowe'en, my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, probably your birthday, too, as well as Valentine’s, and our anniversary.

On these specially marked days, I feel a certain emptiness as you, my beloved other half, is not present with me, yet that which is not emptiness, for you still fill my heart plenty. In these times, I feel envy as lovers are so obviously visible everywhere, yet that which is not envy, for they are not you. I may suffer from your absence but I don’t suffer from jealousy. See, I love you, this one man who cannot compare to the likes of any other, this one man who strangely loves me back, this one man who’s mine and to whom I’m his.

You are so very special to me and you mean a lot to me. I love you, I lurve you, I lava you, ILY (code), I <3 U (symbols), je t'aime, saranghae (Korean) – I want to say it a gazillion times and it wouldn’t be enough, and yet I don’t want to say it because it’s only an ensemble of words, an expression that is just too common, overused, cliché and weak, whose (level of) meaning doesn’t remain constant. Perhaps I could keep coining new ones, but then again I don’t want to be simply, mindlessly uttering or writing them like so, as if out of habit.

I want this so-called “love” to be conveyed in such a way that – a tap on the shoulder, a  homemade dinner and handcrafted gifts, a random drive, a silent gaze, a goodbye hug and a goodnight kiss, my sleep-mumbling in your ear and your snoring on my nape, and the sharing of clothes – would melt our heart and let us fall a little deeper, therein meaning exponentially more than a mere, verbal, three-worded clause, “I love you.” That’s the kind of love I want us to be… partaking in.

Today, eight months later, (although I am still thirteen hours ahead, still 8,070 miles East, and still not in your arms…) at the last stroke of the small hand, we both wave and bid farewell to 2015 and welcome and gaze at 2016.

I’m thankful that love found us, I’m glad that we followed, and I’m happy that our relationship remains in the present.

May the new year be full of goodness!

Many call it a curse
That my dearest boyfriend
In all the universe
Lives on Earth’s other end:

East of the Moon –
Half a world away,
Many factors inopportune,
Yet our love will not decay;

West of the sun –
Half a day behind,
Still we will not let anyone
Pollute our resolute mind;

All that distance?
Can be traversed.
All that time difference?
Can be reversed.

Thanksgiving Day,
The day of the giving of thanks.
Also known as a public holiday,
When everyone gets together.

Yet, it is unfair that,
Like everyone else,
Her eyes cannot meet his,
His arms cannot hold her,
They cannot dine in laughter,
Across 8,000 miles on such day.

Still, on this day,
She is thankful –
Thankful for who he is,
Thankful for who he is not,
Thankful for what they are,
Thankful for what they are not,
Thankful that they still ARE.

For now,
They cannot spend
Even a single hour of the day
In one another’s company.
But, she looks beyond
What cannot be shared today.

For one day,
They will leap across time
And all the miles in between
To land in each other’s arms
For many Thanksgivings to come.

Hasty groceries,
Annoying prepping,
Crowded kitchen,
Noisy children,
Frustrated guests,
Fattening bellies,
Drunken dance,
Disorderly house,
Sleepy mumbling –
WE will get to all of that.