Since when was this handheld device
the extent of our physical love?
From across the room I stare at it
half expecting it to blow
The illumination of the screen now mirrors the enlightenment I once felt
in your arms
Though of course much diminished.
I am beginning to fear it
knowing the potential of our words to form
exit wounds
How can I predict the disaster I may inflict when i no longer know the surroundings of this battlefield?
I throw this bomb against my floor, knowing the eruption of this force will be lesser than what is now incinerating through my head
from your words.

everything happened so fast
we cried
i left
and just like that
it was all over
like we hadn't meant anything
as if we hadn't loved each other
it was nobody's fault
except for maybe life's
we had promised to stay together
a promise we couldn't keep
i wonder whether i am the villan
you stayed behind waiting
miserable is all you were
i couldn't watch
and he made it so easy
easy to forget
how much i loved you
despite the ocean between us
you saw me being happy
and you hated him for it
and i hated you
for not wanting me to be
you made my life colorful
it all faded without you
i was scared of the dull grey
and he sparked a fire, brought light
it felt like being saved
how unfair to want that
i disgust myself

what do i do?
My technicolour bliss has turned black and white
those glowing hues have travelled four thousand miles across the north atlantic
A great big ocean drains my colour
secures the distance

All I want is to reach out and touch arms, touch hands, touch fingertips,
those sparks that zig-zag around
streaming rainbows in all forms of the word

Now, we're two souls in solitary.
not alone together, just alone
How can it be us against the world if we're on different sides of it?
I can't keep this distance.

Is it better to remain friends after a taste of being lovers?
Can it continue?
Pause now until we’re ready.
Pause now til’ I see you.
Will you take the bite when we’re given the chance?
Or find another in the meanwhile.
I’m stuck on you but I don’t mean to.
I don’t expect you to feel the way I do.
I don’t hold you as a possession.
I respect all your decisions.
If this is the best way for now
Til’ I see you, i don’t know how
to express the way i feel about you
but all of it is true.
How did i fall so easily...
in love with you.

I hate the world.

Not in a terroristic anti-artistic burn it all and leave it to the mystics kind of way, but in the way that it is too large.

Unpopular opinion I know.

But would someone please show me a love that can survive what our elders traveled across? From oceans to gravel and rocks, we have planes and cars and can walk but love doesn’t have a passport or a drivers licence.

Just once I wish that I could imagine that the distance between us was nothing more than a cross walk where something as simple as a button could stop time so a shut in like me could pass by while the world sleeps, and be next to you.

Someone once told me that there is love that exists that is so strong that nothing can stand in its way, and I said okay, like I believed it. Like could see that in no way could something as simple as geography stand in the way of a feeling that weighs down on you each day. I said okay as if an array of love casting satellites had been placed here by a god for us to use when we feel lost in love.

I am an idiot.

This is, the song my heart plays as the day dream of your face being in close proximity to my face holds strong.

I miss you.

i held her hand
i didnt want to let go
held the most beautiful girl in the world
her warmth felt like home
hand in hand can we forever go?