i wish i hadn’t let you go as quickly as i did
because
i think you would like me better now
when i tell stories, i don't exaggerate things
and i don’t act like a child
so much has changed
nothing has stayed
but i think that it’s okay
because
i’m not the same girl that you knew when you left
but really, neither are you
i know everything was for the better
but, i just think you’d like me better now

I’ve only known love by its aftermath
and the scars it leaves in other people’s hearts.
I’ve only heard of the tragic tales of loves gone,
and the shells it leaves when it’s said and done.

I’ve only seen the wrecks of passions lost,
littering the ocean in its sprawl.
I’ve only known this second-handed love
that plagues my mind and haunts my soul.

By the way it shapes and governs other people’s lives,
to where the luster has left their eyes.
By the shrieks and aches laying in its wake.
The phantom pain of a severed brain, brought forth by someone else’s name.

I've only known that which I've yet to find.
The elussive ugliness that's all but mine.

There's an ache deep within my heart
An itch that cannot be scratched
Perhaps, a space that cannot be filled in
Currently occupied with anger, confusion, and pain

Nor am I clear on what I'm looking for
But every now and then, the tears do pour in a stupor
...

Is this loneliness?...
But I'm happy alone,
Always been,
happy on my own...
Is this ungratefulness?...
But what is it that is my happiness?...

...

No invitations have been yet sent
It will remain a vacant room, no one to rent
For now and a little bit longer,
... I know,... for sure..
For sure...

As bitter as it is bitter,
let's somehow keep looking for... the better...

The better...
The... better...
?
...

GABRIEL & JIBRIL
aku = saya
V, (x) akan hilang sebentar lagi.

SUNGGUH,
ini malam,
Minggu.

Oh, to revisit that familiar, suffocating feeling
Of burrowing under the covers.
A night of one's own company,
Left to make small talk with your mind.
What do you call an introvert who
Hates being alone?

Solitude is a solemn lover,
Creating a mix of solace and uncertainty.
Every dance is a slow dance in Solitude's arms,
Circling round and round the same, stale despair.
Somehow, it feels both right and wrong
Simultaneously.
Your head buzzes violently
When lost in a sea of people,
But does it buzz less in your empty home?
Surely you're happier this way,
With you, yourself, and Solitude.

you are not special
you are not the only one who has problems
or feels lonely and depress

you are not special
you're not the only one who thinks about quitting
feels not good enough and sleeps the night crying

you are not special
you are not the only one who thinks about it
ending everything with a rope or a blade

you are not special
you are not the only one who feels alone
taken for granted, set aside and misunderstood

you are not special
you're not the only one who feels hopeless
helpless, useless and lifeless

you are not special because trust me
i feel you, I get you, I AM you.
so you are NOT special.

Often I find the days never-changing,
Doomed to repeat themselves.

I, Inescapable,
Like a moth to the dim blue glow of fluorescence.

To escape is one thing,
But, to watch friend and foe revel in their ignorance is another.


Like a feline sees the world through a sheet of glass,
I may be doomed to the same.