I wonder why melancholy
paints my soul a deep red
when midnight strikes,
And the colors on the clock change.
The firecrackers make noise,
And the world transitions
From one year to the next.
I wonder why nostalgia engulfs
the chaos of my winds
When time passes away slowly
On New Year's Eve.
I wonder how I could ever
Say gracias
To all those people who
Taught me, hugged me and
gave me the strength to live and love,
For my family and friends I am grateful.
I wonder why melancholy
paints my soul a deep red
When midnight strikes.
In this ever-present grief of how
Time passes away so quickly,
I reside, I reside.
I wonder why red fades
And green blossoms.
It is the way of life.

Locked within these walls, my days slip away
Apathetic to the world's concerns, it seems I've lost my way
Drifting aimlessly in an abyss of despair
Each passing moment thickens the air

In countless notes, I sought the words to express my soul
Yet, on paper, they vanished, leaving me empty and cold
With tear-stained cheeks, the ink faded from my grasp
Unable to hold the pen, my heart dampened like a fallen leaf's gasp

The piles of paper, reminders of my futile attempt
I discarded them all, seeking solace in my final ascent
Perched on a ledge, restlessness consumes my being
Only photos on my phone, preserving memories I'm leaving

The image of your departing silhouette etched in my mind
The door you exited without farewell, the last mark I find
Beyond that threshold, I am ready to embrace the unknown
With weary eyes, I yearn for the day when you and I are again sown.

I asked a flute player
if he ever missed the melancholy of his tunes,
the way they twist and travel in the afternoon silence.
When he sleeps at night all lonely under a big sky,
the bag of flutes by his side.
He looks like the Almighty Krishna if Krishna was ever lonely,
for he spends too many restless nights.
He said that the grief of loving is what we carry home,
the grief of knowing that death takes away all.
The melancholy of life that we all feel under our layers,
the loneliness twisting and paining our restless hearts like the tune he plays every afternoon.
The tune reminds me of death and life
and my loved ones still alive.
I hope this grief of knowing
too much does not drive me to insanity.
I wish someone could come and listen to my heart.

Even if it won't help anybody but me
It has to be worth it anyway.
Writing down how I feel within me,
How my mind is leading me astray.

I once thought that I found the way
That I knew where I'm going and why.
I thought, I understand and can say
What is wrong and what is right.

Turns out I again was wrong
Things are different, more complex.
After all I feel broken, alone,
And it has become hard to relax.

I am wondering when it is time
For myself to just fall and let go,
To be able to let my thoughts be
And to breath, deeply breath, on my own.

Instead I am feeling estranged
From this world and my thoughts
Alienated.
I am trying to grasp what it means
And I don't understand,
Feeling frustrated.

This is where this poem leads us
Needless to say into the unknown
And repeatedly one may have asked,
Is there really nowhere she can go?

Press it down against the skin,
just enough to make a crease;
sharp side down.

Pull it back
smooth and perfect,
exchange this pain
for one that's eloquent,
warm, and sharp around the edges.

Tracing the blood inside my veins-
with red lines
carved across my wrist.
Another scar,
flowing red and honest.

With each stroke
I etch this strange relief,
Admiring the red and silver swirls
that make the masterpiece,
and drown the sorrow
that brought steel and flesh together
into this unholy union.

The sweet taste of torture,
sharp side down.

No matter what I do
The loneliness comes in
She peeks through the window
And lifts up my chin.

No matter what I do
The loneliness is there
She looks at me sadly
And doesn’t seem to care

No matter what I do
The loneliness gets more
She wraps her arms around me
While I lay motionless on the floor

Do you know what I hate most about life?

I hate that it pushes you around
I hate that no matter how much control you think you have, you don't
I hate it's uncertainty
I hate it's prideful nature
I hate that it's a bully
I hate that it's a society
I hate the expectations
I hate it's constant change
I hate the loneliness
I hate the void
I hate the desire
I hate the constant chase
I hate the lack of absolute peace
I hate the culture
I hate the religion
I hate the division
I hate the choices
I hate the people
Oh God, I hate the people
I hate the routine
I hate the essence of it

But do you know what I hate the most about it?
What I hate about life?
That it does not end soon enough.

When my mind started to cloud, I began thinking out loud.

I woke up alone
And to tell you the truth,
I fell asleep that way too.

But then
The in-between.

I stood at my kitchen window
And I heard the distant voices
And forgot for a moment

The way you’d forget a kettle on the stove
But here I am now,
The whistling in my ears
Shrieking in a syncopated curse,
Alone again alone again alone again alone again alone again