the longest runs
are the things that **** us
we can train
we can raise our knowledge
but we can never prepare for the hurt
the anger
the tears
the scars.
when i say what's happening
people pity me
they try to 'help'
they look at me with sad eyes
and tell me to just solve it.
i can't, now can i.
it hurts.
i love.
i hate.
when you think you get out of it
it ropes you back in
if i cry
you don't care
if i yell
you don't care
if i leave
you hit me with words
you slap me with insults
tell me
i'm stupid
i'm an idiot
i'm worthless.
you pull me back in
into the fishing line
and i'm caught
caught on the hook
you trick me
say that you'll always love me
no matter what.
then you go along
and shed your hateful words like a snake
still,
i'm caught in the fishing line.
i'm stuck in the hook.
and there's no getting out.

Pass me the letter, let me sign
Ballpoint pen, smooth like sine
Ink runs out, must be a sign
Only got to finish one line

Don't Lose Yourself
Remember who you are
You have things and you want things
You've become things and you're becoming things
Beautiful, good and decent things
Which bring great joy to the one true ruler
And honor to your rightful king
So don't lower your gaze or piercing sight
For ANYTHING!  
For anyone who has no claim
Or cannot understand the way
That your eyes tend to see such things
Designed as they were for such a struggle
Born and bread for such a fight
For such a sight
Don't lower your line of sight for anything

I got it
I finally understand
it was never you that I wanted
but instead
the drama that you presented
some would even call it a plot conflict
You see, I'm a writer
I see the world through different eyes
eyes that sometimes aren't mine
so sometimes
my mind is taken over
and my thoughts, they stray

I'm a hopeless romantic
but that doesn't equate
I've never before been so afraid
of my own self
of the words that could come out
because I understand,
and now I have to learn to separate
the who I am from the who I create
it's exhausting being me every single day
the fantasies pop up and leave me dismayed
always in a sour mood, unsure of who I am
of the choices I've made

a line has been drawn and I'm sticking too it
I know that these thoughts aren't me, but lighter fluid
and it's me that holds the power
the lighter only a tool
passion is fire
my inspiration is crude