this feels bittersweet
you in my arms
half asleep
on top of your soft blue sheets
your breathing deep
i’ll be leaving
after a short sleep
but i know these memories
i will always keep

Sitting in the space made by her leaving, I'm far from comfy, but no-where-near lonely.

Cooking for one is far from easy and it's easier to succumb to the micro-wavable and the processed in a process that suggests sadness, but in essence is a life past survival and a start of a moving on.

Leaning on past memories for a more reliable sense of self, I walk back beyond the years of this boken partnership.

These years from the off were tainted with discomfort while threaded with laughter and it's the laughter I now follow to earlier layers that might form the start of a fresher, better fitting wardrobe and a comfort that is more than this - sitting in this space of her leaving.

More than this, I'm sure.

to lie
and say I am not jealous
I can't
I watch you smile
and laugh
and feel the bliss of happy
I am jealous
resentful
bitter
I want to lie and say I am glad you're happy
but your happiness was at the cost of leaving me
so is it selfish
to wish you still wanted me around

it's crushing
isn't it?
that loneliness in your chest
and it hurts
and hurts
until it gets to a point
where you think holding a knife
to your chest would hurt
less but that is not how it works
no
youre not allowed to
forbidden
oh no you can't
but what if I did
would you see?
would you notice the one less message
doodles to ash
arm clear of flowers
i don't need help
I'm here if you need anything
thanks but no thanks
okay
I'll leave one day
unaffected you'll sit but
at last I'll be at peace

ready to give it all up,
ready to let you go,
when did it become so easy?

Torn, broken, upset
When I left, I didn't look back
How I regret it.

Love is supposed to hold me and take care of my heart
Make me feel warmth when it caresses our start
Protect my endurance of being okay
Love should've been our gateway
But somehow someway depression came in
And ruined the time that I saved for him
So I stay in bed controlled by darkness
While love ran away with my love and his heartedness
To call myself alone is no longer an epiphany
The only realization is that he let love leave me
So as I stay in this burden and cry myself to sleep
I know they're together and love is still breathing
The saddest part is the irony encountered
Love was supposed to be my communicator
Now someone I love is with another
While I stay in bed with a broken heart and no lover

Sometimes...

The worst way to Leave...

Is not Knowing...

That it would be the Last time...

You Ever left...