'What is worse' you say,
'is being left
without a choice
and the only thing you can do
is to adapt to the situation
of being alone'

And as I dry my eyes on my hand, I say 'no'

'What is worse is having to face the decision
over and over again
without coming closer to knowing
what is right
or wrong'.

'What is worse' I say,
'is to be next to someone
and still be alone,
and not knowing
if you're gonna crush their world
or ignoring your own.

So no, what is worse
is to never truly understand
what you should
or shouldn't
have done
and yet,
the choice is always at your hands'

I remember the naivety
It was like swimming in an ocean

The waves prelapsing onto my skin
Freezing cold
But I stayed.

I stayed in the water allowing my to nerves scream
Screaming for warmth.
Yet my body filled with lust told me to stay.
It began to become warmer
So I stayed in longer.
I had hoped it would fill the vulnerable space I had open.

I let it fill me with salty cold water.

The skin on my fingers and toes began to fold.
Whispering upon the folds worriedly
'Enough'.
I resisted
'ENOUGH' the folds screamed.

My legs begin to move towards the oceans shore.
The water droplets trickle down slowly but surely
My face,
My lips,
My body,
Now exposed to what used to be welcoming air.

The air now filled with angry wind, whips my body,
Harshly shouting 'Why, o why?'
'Why have you given your body to the ocean?'
My lips, unable to move shiver against the wind's whips.

'Guide me back' my hair says trembling with mercy, damp of water.

The wind's whips weaken.
'Follow the path',
'Follow the path of rightousness'

The wind forgivingly breathes into my lungs
Gasping, finally giving me the warmth and sweet taste of air

Not once.
Not twice.
But three times...

Gave my heart up three times

Every time was more cracked

Every time, fewer tears came out

Every time, I felt stupid

Was it love?
No.

All this was ... was a state of comfort after "knowing" them.


You never finish knowing a person, no matter how long...