I think it's time for me
to stop counting the days
with notches on the wall
about something
I never really had.

It's time to stop
living in the past
& let go of mistakes
that I made in my youth
& taste the freedom of today.

Our days are a finite number
passing with each moment
every grain of sand swallowed
by the hourglass of life
until nothing remains.

your name used to be
       an intake of cool winter air
    refreshing my lungs
in glowing frost;
  when i speak your name
now nothing happens
      you are a memory
   best left forgotten

I think of how good you're going to taste
feeling your heat reach my lips
waiting for you
to stir you up
get you really ******* hot
waiting to fill you all the way to the brim
just add a little cream
to the sugar already in you
& when your fluids hit my mouth
slide down my throat
I know I'm awake and alive
with my morning coffee

I write of broken
     t e e t h &
deep wounds
nobody can see
d a r k n e s s
     shadows
agony & pain
     it is my
m u s e
that I feast
     on
but I haven't
picked up the
             p e n
in a week
  because the
m u s e
is gone right now
   I feel
strangely
    *h a p p y

I'm just here at 11:15pm
writing at a **** screen
for some **** reason
I forgot when I lost my
******* heart.

I don't feel anymore
don't know why
where my heart was
a paper wrapper sits
saying expired

My head just as empty
saying hello to the fairies
that don't exist in my world
just a lot of fallen angels
slowly dying.

But this **** screen
doesn't solve my issues
that I can't resolve because,
*for ****'s sake I'm not me
anymore

I get drunk to not think about you,
yet you slip through the cracks,
every night you dance in my thoughts,
just to fade when I open my eyes;

I hold onto the scars that remain
because that's all I can bear to
keep after we were over;
I kept the wounds open just to hurt

Sometimes I touch my heart
where you rested your head
& I cry alone at night when
you aren't here laying down

It doesn't really matter, though,
staying stuck in the past hurts;
looking to the future without you,
that is truly what doesn't matter

It's been a year since you
took your own life away
& left a note for me
telling me that you're
sorry that you broke

I wish you would have called
tried to talk to me before
you took the pills
but we were complicated
another friendship too far

I'm sorry you fell for me
when my heart was for
somebody else
who ended up killing me
yet you're the one who died

Your gravestone rips me in two
& the ****** up thing really is
if you had stuck around a few
more months then maybe
we'd have had happily ever after

I need to accept that you're gone,
not coming back into my life;
to accept the reality that
you were another casualty
I couldn't prevent
couldn't stop...

I can't stop counting the days,
not the weeks or months, but days
that have passed without so much
as a whisper from your heart;
I can't stop breathing your aroma,
the memories that stab my dreams...

I hope & pray you are happy
found somebody who loves you
a fraction as much as I did;
I hope your family is okay
that there was forgiveness &
mending in the days since...
I hope you're okay

I love you always...