Am I narcissistic for putting myself before

Others?

Am I a sociopath for not caring about

Others feelings?

Am I depressed for always feeling empty

Inside?

Am I antisocial for not having many

Friends?

Am I shy because I can’t talk to strangers?

Am I pretty because I hide behind

Makeup?

Am I provactive for my natural body size?

Am I rude because I’m sarcastic?

What am I...

                            To others?

I feel sick.
Sick.
Tumults of nerves
Crash
Upon my conscious shores.
Waves
Of endless misery
Make my insides sore.

I feel weak.
Weak.
Drafts of fear
Breeze
Within my shaking bones.
Rushes
Of quiet anxiety
Colder than the age old stones.

My stomach is too full of stones,
My face too full of blood,
My heart too full of mud,
My soul too full of dark.

Where did I even start?
What beginning is mine?
Why do I pretend I’m fine?
Where do I begin?
When will it finally win?
Why can’t I let go?
Why can’t I ever hope to show what is trapped inside my heart
This desire to be a part
Of something better than me?
What is better?
What can I be?

Why can’t I separate these two Golden masks,
One side is nothing but a cast of false brass,
One side is nothing but a shell of empty gold,
An image of beauty hiding a lesser self,
The other is pure but only a little.

Reality is fickle,
Falsity is a mistress to all.

The night reveals temptation,
The day reveals the fall.

Drip, drip, drip,
It creeps and drips and climbs,
Up my throat this vile creature slimes.
Its tingling fingers grip

I feel sick

Some days are harder than others. Sometimes my demons win.
When will they ever stop
They lead me to live a life I regret
my soul they have taken
Memories flash before my eyes
All the times I feared my life
All the names you've called me
Come flooding back
You say you've changed
You'll never change
Mother you're the reason
For my demons
Your apology I shall not take

I'll undress myself, undress all my coats,
undress all my fears, strip to my sheer.
I'll show you but will you want to see ?
what will your thoughts be to my naked, unadorned alive,
will you look around or will you hold your gaze,
as layer by layer i unfold myself,
strip myself down to my bare, undrunk skin,
will you still call me poetry as i take you on a tour of my anatomy,
will you explore all my fissures or stay gauging at the first shortfall,
will you understand the traces of my wounds,
the wounds not from battlefields but from gentle smudges of
unfinished love,
each covered with bandage, not healing just concealing,
trying to stop the pain from bleeding, covering my corpse in aches,
and so i keep my gaurd up, no strolling on passion boulevards,
for torment and agony were never printed on invitation cards,
but when the time comes and you compel me to,
i'll let my inner demons out for you,
and as i strip down to my sheer,
i wonder, will you peer or look away,
will your thoughts run astray,
will you love the bone and flesh just as much as,
you loved the carapace.

Leave
scars within the creases of my skin
Leave
the coursing of my blood strained on the floor
Leave
Your voices within mine ….

For ****’s sake-
Leave my head!

In this war
   With my inner demons
I fight just to have Space in my own
Head for a few seconds
is difficult to find
Myself..
This fear
This torture
I hide my face

Ashamed at my
Disgrace
I fear
Im drowning
But it seems
No one
Cares to save me
Im lost


This deep addiction
My self infliction
My own worse enemy

Treading thru troubled water
With dangerous tides
My heart feels like quicksand
And I can't swim
Looks like the demon strikes again.