I will be cuddling inside your pillow chest
Smooching your strawberry hair
Endlessly biting your lower lips to annoy you
Laughing at your gestures and unfunny jokes
Resting my fingers atop yours like braid
Enjoying the love song of your heartbeat
Breathing your absurd laugh
Watching the stillness of your sleep and
Opening my eyes to see the sun rising on your cheek
All of the above are the opposite of  my reality
All of the above are what we were once upon a time
But
There's one thing left that's not the opposite
I am still extremely ridiculously inevitably
deeply honestly and completely
in love with you

Ulala
Those bright green eyes
ridiculously
fit the yellow sunlight
when the sky stopped raining

i told him “don’t look at me,
there’s nothing to look at.”
he went on about how beauty
can’t just be skipped over
& how i had his head spinning
like after a heavy night of drinking,
like he’s experiencing a hangover.

i told him “don’t touch me,
i know you’ll eventually leave me
& leave my body shaking from withdrawals…
shaking…
aching… to feel your touch again.”

i told him “don’t kiss me,
i don’t wanna get lost in your lips
& when our lips part, i’d probably have fallen in love .
i’ll probably stay awake in bed,
day dreaming of you… of us.”

i told him “don’t make love to me.
not even if i’m in the heat of the moment & i beg you to mount me
and enter my sweet sanctuary.
not even if i plead.”

i told him “don’t love me. leave me,
because you all leave eventually.
i don’t want your sweet nothings.
i don’t want your empty promises,
i don’t want your i-love-yous,
neither do i want to buy the dreams
you’ll so skillfully sell to me.
you’ll love me, i’ll love you back.
somehow i’ll end up loving more
& that’s a ****** fact.
somewhere between the first ‘i love you’ and the silence before it ends
will be me trying to make amends.”

i told him “don’t bother, just leave now.”
because that’s what they all do.
they love you,
& then
they leave you…

It's like my body's going supernova.
Every abstract nano millimeter of my being is imploding on itself and exploding into this humid atmosphere - I become slivers of glass on an insignificant Saturday.
My eyes are shattered like marbles -
My fingers scattered like wine glass stems -
I am a shifting, silver star gone supernova -
In the midst of constellations spelling out your name -
There is a vacuum inside me -
My flesh collapses in on itself like aluminum -
I am incandescent like a lightbulb.
There is a bomb inside me -
And the timers gone off -
I spread like a grenade -
Every part of me becomes part of something else.
I am growing from a wasteland -
And dying from the waste -
This encompassing medicine grows within me out of barren soil.
I am a fire -
Golden plasma coins -
This poisonous currency -
I will pay for it all, for it all.
This fire burns branches -
Becomes ashes -
I inhale this dead earth and my lungs are joyous at this fire you've built me from cardboard boxes.

I love you so deeply - I am being broken and repaired all at once.
I feel so full of something I cannot fully understand - I have exploded.
There will never be enough of your lips
Your smiles
Your eyes
Your voice
Your words
Your skin
Your face
Your fingers
Your chest
Your stomach
Your shoulders
Your legs
Your feet
Your kissing
Your voice . . .

If I were walking through an airport toward you, I would not be walking for long.

How many ways can I express my love for you?
You are sunset on my loneliness -
The medicine for my insomnia -
The balm for my aching heart -
And yet my heart has never ached more.

I cannot put my love for you into words - I am without words.
God has finally stumped me -
"Make her fall in love" he said -
"And watch her try to write that".

You have me
Wishing and waiting
Hoping and praying
Sitting and staying
Close enough to feel
Your hand in mine
Your lips to mine
Your breath and mine
Every song
Is about you
What I think about you
Lyrics line up perfectly with my thoughts
And every morning
And every night
It's you
And love songs
Anticipating
With the birds and the bees
And the flowers and trees
Waiting for the moment
When you are mine
For you have me

& if I held you to my ear I could feel your heartbeat, slow and content with my hand on your chest (speeding up as it moves down, down)

I could feel the softness of your skin, turned the deep pink of a blushing girl—the sun's work— and holding the heat of that close star's burning tendrils

I could feel movement in your muscles as your arm curls around my waist lazily, an afterthought, like it's a natural instinct to pull me tighter in your sleep

I could feel shivers on my bony spine while you kiss iridescence behind my eyes in the way your lips press where my jaw meets my neck

I could feel an utter wholeness that I've missed for so long

Except—
Except——
Except———

You're too far away, a distance that even the "phone call" between the ocean and the little child pressing the shell against her ear cannot fix

I was interested cause i thought you were perfect.
I fell in love with you cause i realized you weren't